Extra Marital Affairs : Boon or Bane

This is a topic.. Ok turn around.. Why do guys have affairs .. Can't b just about lack of sex as young guys do it too.. What does the person havin the affair gain.. N if they love there partner why keep doin it.. ?? I would love to hear from someone who has had an affair n falling in love n what happened .. Did it work or did it flop once out in the open??

affairs never really help and will destroy a rocky relationship as its a betrayal, swinging as a couple adds fun as long as its agreed to by both in the relationship

I've always hated the term "affair" because it's a terribly outdated euphemism. It conjures up images of "Brief Encounter" or gay young things from the 1920s who needed a term for the "unmentionable" ("Oh Rhodneh......we massunt......!") At that time it was an attempt to sanitize what was actually happening: i.e. someone shagging another who was not hisher partner.

I'm not here to debate the morality of shagging outside one's regular relationship, mainly because it would be a bit rich to do so on a site like this. Besides, extramaritalextrapartnership shagging has been going on for millennia, so one has to ask oneself whether it's an intrinsic part of human nature, instead of sticking to the same old mantra that lifetime monogamy is what we were all ordained for. Personally I think that Nature designed us with a natural proclivity for shagging around, although the extent to which it is expressed varies a great deal among individuals.

Marriages and partnerships cover a vast range of attitudes and arrangements, and the needs and expectations of the partners involved often change and evolve with time. I think the problem is that some partners seriously expect that the initial love and passion that brought them together will stay enshrined forever, but in reality that doesn't happen. One partner may stay "hot", while the other cools down over the course of years. There may still be a strong bond of affection, but attempts to resurrect sexual activity or to "spice things up" ultimately prove fruitless.

Personally, I think that people in that position ought to talk things out and come to some arrangement, instead of trying to flog a dead horse. If either partner seeks solace elsewhere, I believe that it has the potential to deflate the crisis in a relationship, but *only if it is done so responsibly*. In other words, the involved third party needs to know the full picture. Pretending you're single is downright misleading and dangerous. Once such an arrangement has been put in place, it could well be that the partner who has "cooled" welcomes the removal of sexual pressure, while the partner who continues to need a sexual release may begin to look on hisher partner with more affection and consideration, instead of seeing himher only as an object of frustration.

A lot depends, too, on the stage of the marriagepartnership. If children are involved, then both partners should try to weather the storm. I think it's selfish in the extreme for partners to be shagging other people at a time when a stable nest is essential for child-rearing. There are times when biting the bullet and making the best of it is the only human and civilized option. It's just that some people aren't even prepared to put in that kind of effort, and I sometimes wonder why they decided to have kids in the first place. In later life it's a different matter. Mature people (I would hope) develop more realistic ideas of relationships, and I think it's easier for them to separate "sex" from "commitment". I may be an unromantic old get, but personally I think that guys in middle age who lose their heads over extramarital partners and want to "run away with" them are immature. After years of mediocre sex or sexlessness, the poor things get overwhelmed, and don't realize that eventually things will cool off in exactly the same way as their previous relationship. At that stage in life, the head must rule the heart :-)

Oh wow sue n chris .. U do seem to have what a lot of people struggle to gain.. And u r happy n comfy .. Well done n here's to enjoyin ur lives together.. I agree skebbi I just wish I was word educated so I could reply img src="imagesadultemoticons012.gif" bt I'm sure someone else will .. I've now got to go have a chat with my unruly heart ....

Whoops not that much of a chat ..

I have never hidden the fact that I am married, though I don't usually advertise the fact outright. Nor have I hidden the fact that I am desperately unhappy in a "relationship" that has zero respect, trust, or love.

So--do I have affairs? In my opinion, no....the marriage was over long ago, and it has been a waiting game as to how long I could tolerate it before I could leave (situation: a bit complicated here for me, though isn't it always?).

I never ever thought that looking for sex outside of marriage would fix or enhance anything, though in a way it has: I have seen that some men are respectful and actually kind, and that in itself has helped me tremendously.

Affairs and swinging are, of course, two completely different things. Some couples I've got to know here have a great time with others and it definitely helps their marriages. Then again, they aren't cheating on each other.

I think "cheating" only helps a bad marriage in making at least one in the relationship know that it truly is over.