Nowhere But in BDSM is Quite so Much Personal Opinion Passed off as Irrefutable Fact! That is perhaps not very strange in a lifestyle that is characterized by having no recognized authorities, just sensible guidelines, and no universally defined standards, only gut feelings. Many people are after all vaguely disturbed by anything that doesn't fit neatly into a box or onto a chart. Because of this lack of uniform definitions, no approach to the lifestyle has been more misunderstood – indeed often deliberately maligned – than the absolute lifestyle. In the absence of any attempt to define it, over-active imaginations have had a field day, as much to the detriment of lifestyle D/s at large, as to the embarrassment of those who have succeeded only in demonstrating their own narrow-mindedness.
The adjective "Absolute" is defined by the Oxford Dictionary as "Complete; Unrestricted; Independent". Based on that, the interpretation of the term "Absolute D/s" might appear self-evident, but it is not. "Absolutism" in the lifestyle refers to the small minority at the extreme end of the D/s spectrum where fantasy ends and reality begins. Absolute D/s is not an organized school of thought with its associated dogma. It is, above and beyond anything else, a practice, the way in which some of us pursue our lifestyle. Indeed, the absolute minority contains not only a number of different approaches, but perhaps the greatest diversity found anywhere on the BDSM spectrum.
Nevertheless, it stands to reason that in order for any given approach to be truly absolute, it must conform in its salient features to the definition of that term. This, then, is not an attempt to define the absolute lifestyle in any depth, because that would be quite impossible, but to formulate those relatively few views and practices that are common to all who call their lifestyle and their relationships absolute. As definitions go, this essay could only ever hope to cover the bare bones, as it were.
Absolute D/s is not something that we do as often as "Real Life" allows, because to us it is real life. It is a lifestyle; the very foundation of all that we do, and everything that we are. Dominance and submission are natural imperatives, not conscious choices; they are driven by instinct, not desire. They do not come in degrees; they either are, or they are not. Reality is the key word in absolute D/s and one cannot, after all, be partially real. Absolute dominants and submissives do not separate D/s from other activities, because it is not an activity in and of itself. Our proclivities for domination or submission cannot be confined to any structure or specific context because they are congenital, not acquired. We dominate or submit, not because we want to do it, but because we can't not do it. In short, natural dominants and submissives are born, not made.
Nor is absolute D/s merely a sexual kink. It is not a variation on an erotic theme, and sexual gratification is not the point of the exercise. The object of absolute D/s is not pleasure, but fulfillment. Sexuality may be – but isn't always – an ingredient; and when it is, it becomes a means, not an end. Even at its most intensely physical, the goal of S&M within absolute D/s is not orgasm, but ecstasy. The natural mechanisms that trigger the responses to which we loosely refer as dominance and submission are different from, but every bit as primordial as, the sexual urges to which they are traditionally – and mistakenly – attributed.
The main difference between mainstream and absolute D/s is subtle but fundamental. Mainstream D/s takes place within the framework of the day-to-day. It maintains the freedom to choose between any one of a myriad of categories and intensities of dominance and submission – sometimes even to shift back and forth between them – but with neither the ability nor the desire to pursue them consistently or totally. Conversely, the absolute lifestyle integrates the day-to-day within the framework of dominance and submission. It pursues dominance and submission totally, because it is the main driving force in every aspect of life, but without the freedom to pick and choose, because each person's route has already been laid out for them by nature.
Mainstream submission is centered upon a particular person and for the most part only in certain circumstances and within certain limits. It can be given and revoked at will, and is often subject to any number of predefined conditions. There is a clear-cut distinction between contexts, and activities such as work and family life are usually considered outside the scope of that submission. Mainstream D/s is a traditional couple relationship where the dominance and submission, however important and defining they might be, are but one of several components.
Absolute submission, on the other hand, is centered upon itself and remains constant in all circumstances. It is unconditional and unlimited, and there is no distinction between contexts since one is a slave always and in all ways. The M/s (as absolute D/s invariably is) relationship is not a traditional couple relationship but a symbiosis, where dominance and submission are not only the defining characteristics of the relationship, but the relationship purely and simply. As a result, where submission usually grows out of love in mainstream D/s, in absolute D/s love sometimes grows out of submission.
A slave is owned in the most literal sense of that term. She is property; chattel; livestock; a commodity – the terms are as many as they are politically incorrect. Master/mistress and slave are not a couple, not partners, not remotely equal, in any way, shape or form; and an absolute M/s relationship typically resembles one of owner/pet rather more than one of person/person.
As with all other property, the owner may dispose of his slave entirely as he sees fit, without exception. There is no negotiation prior to accepting a collar; the dominant states his terms, and the would-be slave takes them or leaves them. There is no partial or temporary consent; it is total, once-and-for-all, and irrevocable. The absolute slave forfeits all human rights and privileges, and has no other – let alone "Higher" – duty or obligation, than to serve and obey her owner at all times, in every way, and to the very best of her ability. Because the slave's consent is permanent and all-encompassing, the concept of abuse within an absolute M/s relationship becomes meaningless. Anything that happens is entirely justified by the simple fact that the owner wants it to happen.
In this light the notion of "Safe BDSM" that is so often put forward in various forms becomes a contradiction in terms. We do not "Scene" in the traditional sense, because the inherent distinctions within the concept do not apply; life itself would be one long, uninterrupted "Scene". We do not use safe-words, and the submission and consent must encompass the possibility that even de
