How do you pronounce the word pussy when referring to a cat?

I hate monogamy. I can write that here coz, well, it’s the BangZone (patent pending). But I’ve been trapped in a monogamous relationship for a while now and I’ve seen how marriages break down. When you have to fuck – no, make love to – the same woman day in day out, it can get tiring. And frustrating, what with the mobile G-spot (seriously, what is up with that shit? Its like one day the g-spot is easily accessible, you touch it and she screams, then the following day its moved! G-spot, get your shit together. Me and you, we have the same goal; pleasure).
So, where was I? Oh, yeah. Monogamy. See, with monogamy, some little things change, which, by themselves are pretty insignificant, but together, they paint a portrait of relationship death.
What am I talking about? Well, for instance, the word fuck. Fuck is a violent word. It’s a curse, a taboo. Its what you say when you mean business. If you text your significant other like so, “Baby, I want to fuck you tonight, were gonna do the Trident* tonight baby.” That is damn sexy. If I read a text like that, I’ll walk around the rest of the day holding a jacket in front of my crotch. But when we get into the ‘one pussy for the foreseeable future’ relationship, the word ‘fuck’ changes to ‘make love’. And you can’t text like, “Baby, I wanna make love tonight so rough!” It just doesn’t have the same primal quality that ‘fuck’ has in piles. And once the ‘fuck’ moves out and ‘make love’ moves in, say goodbye to the masks and the cuffs and the leather strap-ons (yeah, I get real freaky people). And don’t even think about bringing up the Trident.
Okay! Okay! The Trident is the three pronged approach to sex (pun fucking intended). Basically its your dick in her mouth, your fingers in her cunt and a vibrator in her arse. The vibrator and the fingers are interchangeable. If more than two men are involved then the Trident takes on a whole new meaning.
Another example of little things changing is the setting of a routine. Routines fucking suck. When the sex is still young and fresh, things are spontaneous. You walk in through the door, and your girl is on tenterhooks all evening long, wondering when you’ll turn her around and paint her crotch with your jizz. She keeps shooting that look, as if she’s asking, “is it now? Will he fuck me now? In the kitchen? No? what about now? When I’m bent over like this? How about now? Come on, man! Stop making me so antsy and pound my cunt already!” The last sentence may be uttered out loud. In a frustrating yet intensely sexy manner. And it’s the same for the guy! When the transition from ‘fucking’ to ‘lovemaking’ is yet to be made, he will always have a boner when he’s around you because… well, you just have to be ready, you know. When she asks for it you have to be ready to pull it out and go to work!
But when routine sets in, well, it gets a little boring. Since you know when the fu- lovemaking will happen, you don’t anticipate anything. It’s kind of like watching a movie you already know the ending to. It’s just not fun.
So, what prompted this? Well, I realized that Wetness and I are getting a bit too cozy. So we outlawed the use of words like lovemaking and routines. In the next post I’ll tell y’all what’s going on with us. But for now, I have to go and bang her in the back yard. ‘Cause, you know, spontaneity.

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