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Trouble in High Heels

8:53 pm Friday, 25th October, 2013

"My name is ******** and I'm a shoe addict." I love shoes: All colours; all styles; all brands and like lots of girls, I have a worryingly large collection of them. Some I just can't live without and others were spontaneous purchases that I will never ever wear. Some people will never understand my addiction; it's not easy to explain. They can make you feel gorgeous (even when you don't look it). Even though I can't walk in them, I particularly love high heels. They can give you confidence and believe it or not, the right pair can often turn a really bad day into a good one.

Yesterday was an exception ...

A friend, who knew I was at a bit of a loose end this week, almost begged me to go with her to a family lunch to celebrate an uncle's eightieth birthday. She was hoping I'd ease her boredom and promised we could slip away at a convenient time and the two of us could go into town for a girlie night.

A little over the top in dresses and the highest of high heels, but what the heck. By the time the spritely eighty year old birthday boy blew out his candles we were on our fourth glass of cheap wine so we thought we'd slip away before they cut the cake. Aunt Fran caught us before we got to the door and swept us over to where Great Uncle Cecil was talking to a group of his residential home chums. He turned to give my friend a hug and a kiss goodbye, but not before I caught my heel on ... er ... nothing and fell to my knees. To save myself from smashing my teeth on the wooden arm of a winged back commode, I grabbed out at the person standing next to me and clung on for dear life. Hmm yes ... for the record, that happened to be Great Uncle Cecil's crotch that saved me.

As if molesting an aged trouser puppet isn't embarrassing enough. Have you ever tried to stand up quickly after a few glasses of wine and wearing heels? Let's just say, it wasn't the most elegant maneuver I've ever made.

Embarrassing? Yes.
Did Great Uncle Cecil have a good birthday? Oh yes
Were his residential home chums impressed? Without a doubt
Will my friend ever let me forget? No
Will I ever drink wine again? Never (oops broken that promise already)
Will I ever wear those shoes again? Absolutely


Have you ever had one of those embarrassing moments that made you wish you hadn't got out of bed?



Comments
9:56 pm Friday, 25th October, 2013

Macbloke, a lamb ... was it legal.

11:14 pm Friday, 25th October, 2013

Porky, it was very unladylike, but I was very much in control (yeah, right).


Mac, kilt, pics, profile ... Waiting!


Jojay, no pjs, but I'm not too sure about incontinence pants.

11:17 pm Friday, 25th October, 2013

SueChris, Hunters are good for any occasion. Always feel good in them - they are my 'must haves'.

I have never fallen over in them ;-)

6:36 am Saturday, 26th October, 2013

From now on, I'm going to refer to you as the "Imelda Marcos" of the blogs :-)

9:42 am Saturday, 26th October, 2013

Blokes like me who are neither "tall nor short" are finding it hard to keep up with the high-heels "arms race". It seems that most women who wear heels still want their male partners to "tower over them" when they go out for dates, so unless the blokes in question are about 6ft 5in it's a bit of a "tall order" (hahaha.....). Am seriously thinking of going on my next date wearing those stilts that circus performers wear under their trousers. ("Is that a pair of stilts in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?")

10:38 am Saturday, 26th October, 2013

Skebbie, you can refer to me as Imelda Marcos of the blogs if you desire, Master. (Haha that made me giggle)



Lilith, I've fallen over a few times and I can't even blame heels for all of them. Jeez, Cinderella got herself a prince wearing new shoes, I managed two bruised knees and a red face. I'm such a catch ;-)

10:59 am Saturday, 26th October, 2013

Luv2: Underling.....my next command is for you to wear thigh-length high-heeled black leather boots, and no knickers, and - wearing only a long coat - expose yourself to David Cameron next time his car is whizzing through the barriers of Downing Street. If his wife is in the car too, I'll give you a bonus 6 strokes of the cane.....but you'll have to say "please" first:-)


.......



How did I do? Did that sound convincing ? ;-) Oohh...I feel butch and flushed all of a sudden............

11:11 am Saturday, 26th October, 2013

Luv2, I share your addiction, prob not got as many as you, but am def getting out of control, was trying to put a pic on, but don't think you can put a pic into your comments on blogs :( but have a selection of shoesbootsflip flops etc that is just around the 100 mark..... to my shame I even have a pair of 80's style rollerboots, lol....am looking for a support group img src="imagesadultemoticons021.gif"

11:17 am Saturday, 26th October, 2013

Horny: I'm looking for a "stilts support group" for men too :-)

12:29 pm Saturday, 26th October, 2013

Skebbie, your practicing is clearly paying off. You are indeed more convincing and for your efforts you can have 10 house points. To take it to the next level, perhaps next time you could try using the 'do as I say bitch slut' approach.


MSG, your pics show that your legs look much better in heels than mine. To be fair, I look much better in a pair of muck boots (not horizontally) and there's less chance of me falling over in them. When wearing heels, I think my double Ds knock me off balance a little and I forget to compensate for this after a glass of wine or two. Maybe skateboard knee pads will come back into fashion.


Lilith, I admire you. I have always fancied taking a walk through Knightsbridge in bare feet in the hope that some benevolent gentleman would take pity on me and carry me into Harrods to buy me a pair of Manolo Blahnik's. I'm not superficial, my feet just have expensive taste that I can't afford.

7:26 pm Saturday, 26th October, 2013

Hellooooo, anybody there?


Not sure if I'm pissed off or amused to be honest.
Read this quickly.

7:30 pm Saturday, 26th October, 2013

Dog poo!

7:30 pm Saturday, 26th October, 2013

Bare feet!

7:30 pm Saturday, 26th October, 2013

Toe sandals!

7:30 pm Saturday, 26th October, 2013

Shit list!

8:10 pm Saturday, 26th October, 2013

On the subject of clever (well, not really), I have just discovered something that made me smile. Oh, and it has no relevance to shoes, wine or old Great uncle Cecil either.

Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons.

Well, it made me giggle x


8:22 pm Saturday, 26th October, 2013

Ehh, What's up Doc? Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out alive.

I'll say no more about that.


FA, you made connect four ;-)

10:40 pm Saturday, 26th October, 2013

WTF!!! My comment has been reinstated, but now it has replaced my blog story.

Ah ... the joys

10:50 pm Saturday, 26th October, 2013

Don't try and understand the mods and admin Luv2 you'll just end up back to protons, electrons, neutrons and .......

Mysteries of the universe ;-)

10:56 pm Saturday, 26th October, 2013

I give up Joe. Beam me up Scotty ...

11:00 pm Saturday, 26th October, 2013

Lilith, I'm still suffering from the emotional trauma caused by stepping in dog poo that some falthy bistard owner hadn't cleaned up whilst on a lovely walk along the canal. I was wearing toe sandals ... oh yes ;-)

11:11 pm Saturday, 26th October, 2013

I feel sorry for your chiropodist......

11:39 pm Saturday, 26th October, 2013






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12:52 am Sunday, 27th October, 2013

Hey Charlotte, welcome to my blog. Do you like shoes too or have you ever made a knob of yourself when wearing them?

1:48 am Sunday, 27th October, 2013

Luv2: You didn't happen to spot the Narrow Shagboat chugging past when you were scraping the dogshite from between your toes, did you?

My cottage is literally 1 min from the towpath, and despite an abundance of dogshite bins along the way, the path remains a notorious minefield. I was wondering whether Rigger and Drew might like to draw upon their service experience and volunteer to do some clearance operations with one of those special armour-plated tractor things.

7:45 am Sunday, 27th October, 2013

Lilith: Are they deprived because they lack your good company ? :-)

I was wondering whether the absence of dogshite in the deprived area was due to lack of available dogfood (?) :-)

7:54 am Sunday, 27th October, 2013

Who remembers white dog poo? Urgh ....

8:10 am Sunday, 27th October, 2013

Skebbie, I keep my eyes peeled for the Narrow Shagboat. If ever I see it, I will run our in my pjs 'n slippers and jump aboard before it chugs away without me.

I'm also on the look out for ProperDom's narrowboat.

Hate to mention the D word (ya know, the one that rhymes with twot), but thought you'd be interested in a conversation I had with a BDSM trainer last night who had seen my new pic and assumed I'd be a good target. I asked what part of my holding a riding crop suggested I would make a good slave; didn't he know I was a Domette :-) FFS? I was disappointed he didn't stop to chat longer ;-)

PS - I tried the rope thing. I could only find a ball of pastel yellow wool. It itched and didn't give quite the same impression as your efforts. Also, I was a cock missing.

8:46 am Sunday, 27th October, 2013

Lilith: I thought Dick Whittington went to London because the streets were supposed to be paved with gold.

The picture you paint seems to resemble Kirkuk or Tikrit, only with dogshite. My sis used to live in a similar area of that well-known oasis of civilization, Nottingham, and she regularly cited instances of police helicopters at ungodly hours, and blokes with machetes running down the cut at the bottom of the garden followed by a gaggle of rozzers.

11:23 am Sunday, 27th October, 2013

Only just read the blog and was amused to see it move from shoes to booze, and then from crotches to dog poo. You know what I (sorry, self indulgent comment) hate about dog poo? It is the weird owners who take the trouble to bag it and then hang it on a bush in an area of outstanding natural beauty, rather than pop it in one of the many designated bins. This way they prevent it from decomposing and effectively set a sign screaming, "poo here". Thanks guys! I was brought up with a couple of labs, but living rurally poop was never an issue - as long as it wasn't in the house - but now I try and ignore the kids pleas to have a hound because it just doesn't seem right buying into a lifestyle that involves manhandling faeces on a daily basis. Unless it is your particular fetish... (do they really exist?) There you go, tuppence-worth and my first ever contribution to a blog.

11:36 am Sunday, 27th October, 2013

Hi Fairgame. Congratulations on making your first blog comment. May it be the first of many x

Blogs do have a habit of evolving into strange beasts, but it's all good fun. They don't often stray into such shitty topics though.

I'm a dog owner myself and get really cross when I see people, mostly tourists, letting their dogs poop anywhere. They stand holding the dog lead, whistling, looking in the opposite direction and pretending not to notice their dog has just dropped a pile the size of its head. I can't help myself sometimes and will often catch up with them and offer them a poop bag to go clean it up. They rarely refuse :-)

I have a thing about tourists letting their children make a mess too. I mean, who wants kids to have fun ... eh?

1:31 pm Sunday, 27th October, 2013

Lilith, I had to beg my mom to buy me a pair of jelly shoes; they were blue with a buckle. I also had a matching blue jacket. I felt like the bee's knees in them :-)

3:16 pm Sunday, 27th October, 2013

Oh, they so do like to roll in it. They can sniff if out from a mile away.

I suffer from squirrel shit. Why, oh why do they have to deposit it on my patio furniture? Why can't they do it on the driveway like my neighbour's cat (dislike it)? I currently have Chip and Dale burying their nuts in my lawn and later they will hang from the trees in some kind of pre-winter mating ceremony. Fascinating ...

3:24 pm Sunday, 27th October, 2013

'Tis the season isn't it?

3:30 pm Sunday, 27th October, 2013

RAH, the most fascinating of squirrels are Canadian; black ones that I nicknamed squats because they look like cats. They were everywhere in Ontario.

Ooh, I also saw a skunk, a raccoon and a coyote.

5:08 pm Sunday, 27th October, 2013

Tell me which ones: colour; heel; toe. I want detail ...
;-)

6:53 pm Sunday, 27th October, 2013

Classy :-)

Patent?

7:26 pm Sunday, 27th October, 2013

If they're patent its easier to wipe the shit off....

Just being practical!

7:26 pm Sunday, 27th October, 2013

If they're patent its easier to wipe the shit off....

Just being practical!

8:04 pm Sunday, 27th October, 2013

Stilettos on the lawn could be a recipe for disaster. You think your 5 inch killers with keep your feet safely away from the foxsquirrelcatdog's gift, and then fatally when you realise you have just stepped in it, you stop walking and down your foot goes like a knife through butter. Lilith had it right by being barefoot. At least you can then just put the garden hose on your feet and be done with it. I saw a magpie attacking a fox on the lawn the other day. Perhaps the answer is to get a pet magpie?

8:22 pm Sunday, 27th October, 2013

What about one of those Paris Hilton type pooch handbags, but made for magpies; we could call it a magbag. Get our people onto it now; we could make a million. I'm thinking Swarovski crystals ...

8:50 pm Sunday, 27th October, 2013

Not with patent MsG but I know you really dont want it on suede!

Buy a miner bird (?) lilith , they're cheaper and can swear better...

9:38 pm Sunday, 27th October, 2013

Eewww ... gross.

How did this blog end up so shitty?

10:06 pm Sunday, 27th October, 2013

It began with stuff squishing through toes I believe. I would just like to say that such an experience is not always bad. Exactly 7 days ago I, for the first time (deja vu) found myself standing in a bucket of grapes squishing them between the afore mentioned digits. Felt a bit like slugs, of which I also have extensive experience, but just knowing that it would soon become nectar of the gods made it remarkably pleasurable. This evening it has progressed to demijohns which are bubbling away beautifully behind me. Is it REALLY meant to look like Raspberry Innocent smoothy? I fear all is not well, so have drunk a martini to calm myself. Is drinking alone bad? There is a blog topic in it's own right!

10:28 pm Sunday, 27th October, 2013

MsGeil - I fear that if you got a bling collar for a magpie, the bird renowned for being obsessive about bright things, then it might try and chew through it's own neck. Perhaps chest, if it's beak couldn't get to the neck. Either way, the ensuing gore fest and droppings cocktail could seriously ruin your look. Stuffed magpie safer? You could have a stuffed fox on the other shoulder. Then people would really stare. Nearly finished there but just recalled a recently learned fascinating fact. The reason that gentry wore mink and ermine pelts around their necks in Tudor times was partly to look rich and glam (similar to the magpiefox effect), but also because fleas prefer to live in the pelts and so it keeps the wearer flea free. Geeky, I know.

12:53 am Monday, 28th October, 2013

fairgame: Off-topic, but may I congratulate you on your intriguing and mildly disturbing profile photo. I'm curious how you might have produced it, but if that's a trade secret, fair enough. Looks like something that might have popped up at Borley Rectory.

8:13 am Monday, 28th October, 2013

Skebbie: May I thank you for your kind comment. I think. It is a sculpture I stumbled across in a cathedral that seemed to me a heady mix of the Inquisition and Nemesis from the 1970s graphic novella (comic)2000AD. Does anyone admit to remembering that? As I child, the millennium seemed a lifetime away and promised a world of spaceships, aliens, fast cars and as many sweets as one could eat. What a let down. Still, I saw a UFO once.

8:41 am Monday, 28th October, 2013

In fact my praise was well-intentioned (which makes a change :-) I'm still trying to figure out how you managed to sneak it past Admin though, as your main profile pic. That alone warrants respect :-) Couldn't agree more about the millennium. As a kid I was enthralled by 2001: a space odyssey and couldn't wait for mankind to take that next quantum leap to the next evolutionary stage. Instead what we got was religious holy wars reminiscent of the Dark Ages, but with improved technology.

12:17 pm Monday, 28th October, 2013

Ooh, spurs. Sexy!
Everyone loves a cowboy ... don't they?

6:21 pm Monday, 28th October, 2013

Fairgame, I fancy the idea of squishing grapes between my toes. This would be quite therapeutic, but not sure I would like to drink it afterwards. Not keen on feet, even my own ;-)

8:04 pm Monday, 28th October, 2013

Luv2: If you had squished them, I'd drink it for you! However, depressing time delay of three months or more might dampen one's ardour.

10:06 pm Monday, 28th October, 2013

I can see it now .... Chateau L'amour deux suc.
A fine body, very fruity and an intense feeling of satisfaction after a good session....

Just don't forget to wash ya feet ;-)

5:33 am Tuesday, 29th October, 2013

Fairgame, three months is indeed a long time to wait. Best nip down to Waitrose for their three for ten offers.


Joe, "fine body, very fruity and an intense feeling of satisfaction after a good session.... "
I find most good wines have this effect on me.

7:51 am Tuesday, 29th October, 2013

Love2: Earlier than three months and one is prone to experience tingling sensations rather than a smooth slurp. Not always a bad thing though.

Rice wine with fermented snakes is a good alternative. It gives you a kick while also looking pretty intimidating. Difficult to make oneself though unless substituting reptile for easy to find indigenous species. Slug? Then you could say, "have a slug on this" and go for the Mezcal experience.

8:10 am Tuesday, 29th October, 2013

fairgame: I have sampled "mamushi-zake" (as it's called here). It had a distinct musty, mouldy sort of after-taste and gave me acute diarrhoea. I much prefer "sake" minus the snake. They also do a nice sideline in pickled giant hornets here too :-) The drink has a bit of a sting, rather than a bite :-)

5:36 am Wednesday, 30th October, 2013

Fairgame, Skebbie: If you're going to go all mezcal, I'd prefer Tequilla and lots of it.

4:21 pm Friday, 1st November, 2013

hmmm lov2 i think im getting addicted to ur blogs.is this a good thing?am i destined to read for the rest of my life until im in a home and a sexy thing like urself grabs my balls.hope not xxx

4:34 pm Saturday, 2nd November, 2013

Luv the story!

I thought I was only one that did embarrassing things...

5:13 pm Saturday, 2nd November, 2013

MsN, I am a constant embarrassment to myself.

6:47 pm Saturday, 2nd November, 2013

MsN & Luv2: If you don't fall down once in a while then you really aren't living life fast enough. Keep up the good work!

7:33 pm Saturday, 2nd November, 2013

Tcat, I didn't think pussies could wear heels.
You'd need two pairs. Blimey ... expensive!


Not seen you here for ages - nice to see you xxx

8:33 pm Saturday, 2nd November, 2013

Left you purrrrring?

Such a lovely pair of kitties!

10:34 pm Saturday, 2nd November, 2013

I bet you can ;-)

4:43 pm Monday, 4th November, 2013

"What's the attraction". Are you having a laarf? The list is endless:

Now where do I start ...

6:43 pm Monday, 4th November, 2013

Eh????? Where's the attraction????
Tell me that's sarcasm lol next thing it'll be what's the point of stockings???
After you Luv2......

8:22 pm Monday, 4th November, 2013

Luv2... need to get in touch with you... very important... how do I...?

6:41 am Tuesday, 5th November, 2013

What about wellies? I always feel rather sexy in my Hunters. There's something rather satisfying about squelching around in the mud.
x

10:09 am Tuesday, 5th November, 2013

Always have the same thought when I see a woman in a long mac or coat mb. We can but dream ....

Being so glamorous Luv2 I thought even your wellies would have high heels ;-)

1:52 pm Tuesday, 5th November, 2013

Joe, glamorous never feels as good as it does when you are wearing willies in the fresh air paddling around in mud and horse shit.

1:53 pm Tuesday, 5th November, 2013

FFS! For the record, I rarely wear willies :-)

1:55 pm Tuesday, 5th November, 2013

you can wear them heels any time your out with me ;-)

1:55 pm Tuesday, 5th November, 2013

Chance would be a fine thing!

1:59 pm Tuesday, 5th November, 2013

just promise me that you grab tight if you happen to fall over again!!

2:52 pm Tuesday, 5th November, 2013

i emailed you Luvs2...
thanks btw

3:02 pm Tuesday, 5th November, 2013

Your wardrobe gets more intriguing with every blog Luv2!
Are willies a popular accessory in the equestrian community? ;-) lol

1:31 pm Friday, 8th November, 2013

whens the next blog oh masked one ?

11:39 am Thursday, 2nd April, 2015

Indeed they were fellow shoe-lover.
You take care x

11:00 am Friday, 3rd April, 2015

Yes, must admit looking at the dramatis personae of 18 months ago brought tears to my eyes. For a brief golden moment, Camelot really existed :-)

2:18 pm Wednesday, 27th May, 2015

Anything for you Lillie, fellow shoe lover, especially if it brings a little sole back to the blogs ;-)

I'm not wearing heels today. I'm sporting shiny new All Stars.
Obscene - cant wait till they've achieved that grubby 'vintage' look.

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