Redefining the Urban Dictionary (for the purposes of this site)

Jon: Why not add your own definitions ? :-) I'm kind of being lazy on this blog because it's the type that's designed to run by itself with little further input from me. I don't have Luv2's commitmentenergy levels :-) I *will* comment if the muse visits, though :-)

OK I rose to the bait:

"Heavy cummer" = a BBW who squirts a lot.

"Cuckold" = a bloke who can no longer be bothered to shag his unattractive wife, and prefers to delegate the task to the less faint-hearted.

Time waster: variously defined as someone who says they'll meet but doesn't show or, by particularly desperate individuals with no personality, someone show chats but doesn't want to meet (for some incomprehensible reason).

Looking to play: someone who wants you to bare all on cam but has no intention of meeting.

f.f.w. or the five fingered widow, otherwise known as my girlfriendimg src="imagesadultemoticons002.gif"

Horny: To want to shag and shag and shag, but you can't get any so you go online and look at naught photos and write foolish comments on blogs that make you sound like a knob.

Pearl Necklace: A narrow escape when a man shoots his load around a girl's neck after wanking off over her, or getting sucked off. The girl pretends to enjoy it, but only because it's slightly better than getting the load in her mouth.

I discovered the other evening that "MWC" stood for married white couple...

Also am I the only one who sees the irony of someone who keeps saying "VWE repeating male" in the chatroom?

Anyway I might just go and have a small peekette at what i have said in my profile .......

Wot - no tractor?

"Sensitive Guy = A guy who asks for permission before wanking over your photos"

This is my favourite so far. Thanks Curvy ;-)

Another I've noted on many male profiles is:

"Muscular" = a heavy set bloke with lots of flab.

"I'm experienced with females, couples, males, CD,TV,T".
= I'd shag anything

"I'm handsome, powerful, professional, wealthy, well-educated".
= I'm living in a fantasy world

"I'm well-mannered, gentle, single but can't accommodate."
= I still live with parents and will always compare you to my mum.

"Just out of a long-term relationship now looking for sex."
= girlfriend left me because I have a small cock and I'm crap in bed

"I usually date women my own age who have nice round arses and firm tits but, for you I'll make an exception."
= I will constantly expose your short comings and embarras you for not being perfect.

"I'd love to give you a good fucking darlin."
= I'm an impotent Neanderthal

VWE Male
= An inverse relationship between a guy's car (Volkswagon Eos) and the size of his penis.

Women reckon they can multitask better than the male of the species. Ok then, how about this definition:- multitasking = the ability to have a headache and sex at the same time.

Up till now I wouldnt have known what a VW Eos was if I found it in my porridge. Now I feel compelled to find out what the feck it is.

Then again .....

As for GDU I cant see whats wrong with that line you quoted. But if theres a problem then I will stop using it.

GDU - I have promised myself if at all possible not to use the "p" word on this blog. It is true a certain word sparked off a lot of comments, but the points raised were actually very interesting, and I would point out that it would be a very dull world if we all shared the same point(s) of view. The difficulty was that Skebbie felt (correctly) that his blog had veered way off topic, and he was becoming increasingly tetchy as his blog headed increasingly more off course.

"saggy blubbercupsunkempt roadkill style lady bushmatted hairy flacid cock"

Clearly no need for me to scratch my head for further derogatory terms for a while. Much appreciated :-)

BB: Not tetchy - just philosophical :-) I suppose it's in the nature of things to mutate and change.

Luv2: I was wondering whether there is, in fact, an inverse correlation between automobilemotorbike engine capacity and penis size. Would that mean that blokes driving something like a Citroen 2CV would have a chopper the size of an anaconda?

suechris: Unless of course he really *does* mean "discrete" :-)

I always think that the "proff" misspelling (and there's plenty of examples) is among the more hilarious on sites like this. It's almost as if the profile holder is declaring himself to be a living oxymoron :-)

suechris: I think we're getting into dangerous territory here - my blog might get usurped :-)

I like "military intelligence" though :-)

xboofx: While on the subject of "fucking anything", I was wondering whether this is actually what "Bulls" do. Perhaps the term should be alternatively (and tastefully) defined as "someone who has no qualms about copulating with ladies who who would otherwise be overlooked" :-)

Roslyn: I'm with you on the "Gentle" bit: I'm all into EC guidelines on energy efficiency. However, Dixon has long since become accustomed to the fact that he doesn't have to try too hard :-)

Badboy, "multitasking = the ability to have a headache and sex at the same time"

Females are indeed much better at multi-tasking. Your suggestion should read:

Multi-tasking = the ability to have a headache watch Bear Grylls on TV, plan tomorrow, file nails, look as though you're having a good time and have sex at the same time.

FA - I'm really trying here not to blow Skebbie's blog off course; can I just say that - in a busy office environment - I have found that multitasking = survival.

Haha normally blogs arnt something I would comment on but this one got me hooked, is everyone so paranoid as to think that everything that is wrote is either lies or a bending of the truth, so id like to put my two penneth in if people dont mind

Some ladies call themselves BBW because they are not confident of therye figure when in fact they are not BBW, they just have a bit extra padding
Skeebie, youve said there is no female equivalent of cheaters, well, ive met a few cheating wifes and I know im not the only one, and while we confess to understand why a lady is driven to cheat on her hubby then the same thought should be given to the hubbies who cheat themselves

Other such entries
"daytime fun".......I have kids in the evening
"age,size etc unimportant"
Means its how people conduct themselves and therye personality that leads us to want more. Personally its a line I use myself because I dont care about size, or age,or location, ethnicity etc, its who i can get on with on a personal level as well as sexual
"will travel or accomodate"
means would prefer to accomodate but will travel if its within a distance I can manage, and have travelled all over
"accomodate only"
Doesnt drive, cant afford the train or fears the outside world
"tactile"
Not grubby hands but someone who likes to touch and feel and not lay back and let the others do the work then fall asleep back turned.
"long stayer"
Someone who is enjoying the person they are with so much they dont want to stop and do therye best to fully satisfy therye partner
"hotel meets only"
usually means if you pull up outside my house neighbours will talk, or the house is embarrasingly minging (no not mine its clean lol)
"gentle"
Having the respect to ease someone into the mood and not just go at it like a madman
"brb"
Im on the phone, making a brew, making a little brown fish
"GSOH needed"
Want someone who can get our homour and have a little humour to offer back to balance the seriousness of it all
"must have pic on profile"
Shallowness means I am only interested in your looks and cant be bothered to read the profile
"Profesional"
I work and may have an office desk
"easy going"
Puts you under no pressure to "put out", if youre not interested then that is fine
"couple looking for fem"
Blokes idea to join the site
"couple looking for bifem"
Still the blokes idea. Gingered, my pic is a month old lol

In all this we are always gonna find those who are swinging the lead or buttering up therye profile beyond the recognition of the person that turns up, but have not also found those true diamonds we wish we could hold onto a little longer?

Thats it

I am knackered now, I dare not say a thing lest it features here.

I am keeping the bull thing though because whatever the blogintelligencia think it is a reasonably recognisible (to those who are into that sort of thing) label and one that I am entirely content with. To take up Boofs point I have regularly(whilst being with those who are into that sort of thing) felt very much the hired hand - and certainly not the once calling the shots (the power thing I tend to find is retained by the possibly non-participating chap who is "allowing" the whole thing to happen).

So yep - under those circumstances I am just concentrating on doing one thing well, and in many respects it is the epitome of NSA.

In other circumstances I prefer to remain happy, articulate, decent company fit and tolerably good looking with GSOH yada yada yada.................

Mooooooo

No probs ma'am - just sticking up for the hired hands!!

Once upon a time there was a Awefully Scary Monster at a historic place of shouting and running around a lot not far from you who would declare "I may not always be right but I am never wrong"...

Not related are you?

Mystery: Thanks for your mega-input. I'm not daft enough to genuinely think that all the terms covered in this thread are bogus; my intention was essentially light-hearted to reflect the frustration a lot of us have experienced on here, and also perhaps to deflate some rather puffed-up terms that are often used to bolster egos.

I suspect you got the wrong end of the stick, though, when I was referring to "cheating". I was simply being ironic, as I've found that women (and the UK gutter press) tend to be far more vociferous in condemning male "cheaters" than is the case for the opposite situation. Sure, some attached women shag other men. It's just that men who do the same get most of the flak :-) I wasn't commenting on the *reasons* why people "cheat" - just the social reaction to it.

wilf: I suppose in the world of cattle, the bull is always going to be trotting dutifully behind the cows just on the offchance. You never seem to see cows sidling purposefully up to a bull and nudging them for a shag. Conversely in the bird world, it seems to be the males that have to practically self-combust in order to get noticed by the females, who will eventually open up. So perhaps us humans are more akin to birds in our sexual behaviour ? :-)

Skebbie - you make a persuasive case that humans are more akin to birds in sexual behaviour. Having said that, have you ever seen the mating rituals that storks perform? Banging heads together (or something very like it) is not my idea of a good time.

I believe some chavs in the UK have a similar form of mating behaviour, especially about 10 pm on a Friday night.

Lilith: Us humans are a diverse lot. I, for one, tend to be attracted to quirky originality, and you have that in abundance. Run of the mill ("bbcs shag my dirty slut wife" etc.) is a yawn.