What is wrong with me ?, is this normal ? As I turn my head and glance at the serene sleeping figure of the current love of my life I can’t help but ask these questions over and over again in my mind.
You see, When you are growing up and introduced to sex for the first time you are told “it’s the ultimate bond between two people that love each other”, “it’s the most intimate, private moment you will ever share with someone” all of which is true, however, no one ever tells you that it doesn’t have to be just that.
As I lie in my bed the memories from last night start to roll back into my head like the waves crashing against the shore. We were kissing like long lost lovers, we were holding each other and caressing each other with a level of care reserved for the finest China or the most delicate parchment and it was magical but all the while my head was saying “ this is too amazing to keep private, I would love people to see how amazing we are together”, “what if the curtains remained open”, “what if this was all happening somewhere a bit more public” and ultimately “what if other people were involved in our bed “. The questions just keep coming, all without answers but all delivering an added level of excitement to the whole experience but at the same time, all forcing me to question, what is wrong with me ?, is this normal ? And the biggest question of all “ will she think less of me if I suggest it”?
The reality, however, Is empowering and truly liberating as I quickly find out that if your relationship is genuinely strong then the only thing that is really out of bounds is dishonesty. Keeping the secrets inside and unsaid are more damaging than wanting to explore and try something less traditional.
Fifteen years ago I plucked up the courage to ask the questions of my partner, suggest that acceptable boundaries be pushed, communicating what I really enjoyed doing in a private and also not so private environment and I have never looked back since. Stepping into the life of a swinger has delivered more than I could have ever dreamed of and it has shown me that the honest and open nature of this life brings with it an unrivalled level of friendship and trust that could never have been obtained whilst secrets and frustrations existed.
Since that scary conversation fifteen years ago we have now played as a couple, played as singles, played in public, made moves, tried almost every idea we can think of and some we couldn’t think of but each step we have taken has brought us closer together and made us stronger.
If you are lying in bed questioning if it acceptable to start your journey in this world, take my for it, you will never regret taking that first step.
