For those here who are genuinely looking for meets (which may, in fact, represent a minority), I suppose it goes without saying that one would wish to portray oneself as being sexually desirable. Obviously, one way of doing so would be to post photos (perhaps with "mixed results" :-) The other would be to paint an alluring verbal self-portrait.
Clearly, in order to get prospective flies buzzing around one's dustbin, an image of barely controllable, practically insatiable libido never does any harm. Any self-respecting swinger is unlikely to be drawn to the prospect of racy innuendo over a pint of mild in the local, followed by a bit of slap and tickle on the sofa. Ostensibly, one has to be reeking of hot pheromones, bristling with rampant desire, and offering an inexhaustible supply of endless orgasms until dawn's early light and well beyond.
Perhaps to cover themselves for this eventuality, a large number of people feel compelled to include the phrase "I have a very high sex drive" in their profile descriptions. But what does this actually mean in real terms? Have the people in question submitted their average sexual performance to peer review by a scientific panel of professional sexologists?
I don't think anyone would argue that human libido covers a vast range. Some have the sexual energy of a snail, whereas others will appear to shag anyone and anything (even bicycles) at any time. Also, I don't think anyone would dispute that evaluation of one's own individual libido is extremely subjective. I'm willing to bet that if it were possible to interview a snail, he/she (being hermaphrodite :-) would also claim to be "hot stuff".
Which leads me to my point: Is it, in fact, of any value at all to claim one has a "high libido"? Aside from the fact it's impossible to measure quantitatively, there is a natural tendency for humans to view their own sexual attributes through rose-tinted specs: to place themselves at a point on the libido ladder that gives them sufficient self-esteem.
In addition, there is the old conundrum of quantity versus quality. It may indeed be true that someone is driven to have sex 15 times a day, but is that because his/her "per orgasm" level of perceived satisfaction is a lot shallower than that of someone who, say, needs only about one good shag a week, from which he/she emerges fully drained and contented?
Libido is likely correlated with many factors: age, genetics, mood, time of day/year, or the perceived attractiveness/chemistry of a prospective sexual partner. However, I would say that the most fundamental is the degree of individual reward and contentment derived from sex. If sex elicits barely a flutter of gratification, one is not going to seek it as actively as someone whose limbic system lights up like a Christmas tree, shudders to utter contentment and fulfillment, and ends up being squirted through a worm-hole in the space-time continuum :-)
Personally, I take all personal claims of libido levels with a pinch of salt. Everything is relative. It's always impossible to tell how anyone will perform, or how two people will interact, before it actually happens. Which is why I think "what I'm going to do to you" e-mails are hilarious :-)
6:46 am Thursday, 3rd October, 2013
Thanks, Curvy. I think you're right in saying that libido does change according to one's life stage. I think when I was in my 20s, I thought about sex constantly and was probably wanking about 10 times a day. These days I tend not to be so obsessed, but when sex does happen it seems a million times more satisfying than it was back then, which brings to mind this "quality v. quantity" thing. And as you say - having the right partner is a massive catalyst. |
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6:50 am Thursday, 3rd October, 2013
This is a great blog. |
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6:54 am Thursday, 3rd October, 2013
I'm was just about to skip to a new chapter in my 'One Hundred and One Ways To Make Blogs Go Off At A Tangent' book, but decided you deserve my considered view on your eloquently written and original blog. |
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7:19 am Thursday, 3rd October, 2013
EG: Define "a normal sex life" :-) I would say that for most people it means something fairly dreary over a long period of time with a single partner. You may find you're a lot more "normal" than most :-) |
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8:18 am Thursday, 3rd October, 2013
Having now hastily deleted the professional man bit of my crap profile, I did attract a few negative comments on my first attempt at a profile from some of our bloggers (you know who you are) for what I can only admit was newbie naivety and a failure to do the kind of research which Skebbie suggests on what makes an attractive and engaging one. I'm not sure if my current effort is effective, but I don't claim to be hung like a stallion, breathe through my ears, or shag like a steam hammer because I'm not, can't and don't. Also, if I ever do meet someone and progress to actual sex, they would be in for a big disappointment, so I think it's better to manage a potential lover's expectations. Then, all things being equal, she might even get a pleasant surprise. |
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9:23 am Thursday, 3rd October, 2013
Drew: There's nothing wrong with hinting at what you actually do for a living, without being specific. I just think the term "professional" itself has very little meaning. It seems to be a term like "executive": intended to elicit an image of puffed-up self-importance. Both toilet cleaners and bank managers are "professionals", i.e. they are getting paid to do work. I am a male, but I'm not getting paid for my services to maleness :-) |
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9:37 am Thursday, 3rd October, 2013
I agree with Skebbie on the exploration part as well. Meeting someone new should be exciting, and a big part of that is discovering how you and she (or he if you prefer) can please each other. Life isn't a porn movie script. Well mine isn't anyway. |
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9:38 am Thursday, 3rd October, 2013
GDUCurvy: "Professional" may not necessarily be a turn-off, but as Luv2 points out above, anything that appears in a profile has very little intrinsic meaning. I hesitate to use the term "gullible", but you gels ought to exercise a higher degree of scepticism about what blokes say about themselves. It's probably a bit sad for me to admit that I can never look at a profile now without mentally dismantling it. I *really do* wish I could take profiles at face value, and I suspect that in the past, through my scepticism, I may have blown out a lot of people who were genuinely sincere. But I suppose it's an attitude that's evolved as a result of a decade on adult sites. Is that what they mean by "hardened", I wonder ? :-) |
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9:46 am Thursday, 3rd October, 2013
Quality of profile Sexual Performance: Is there an inverse correlation? |
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9:58 am Thursday, 3rd October, 2013
I can only speak personally, but I class my sex drive as high right now, compared to how I have been previously, but am not stupid enough to believe that at 41, my sexual prime has kicked in, lol, I think for me, it's more due to a change in circumstances, much less stress upset in my life right now has made me generally more relaxed, and am now devoting more time to sex, so am thinking about it more, again, my opinion is strictly limited to myself, cannot comment on how any indivdual is feeling..... |
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10:17 am Thursday, 3rd October, 2013
Wilf: As I said: I'm not a "professional man" :-) |
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10:29 am Thursday, 3rd October, 2013
Luv2: Your concept of a "sexual gold standard" is an interesting one :-) I would submit that a few men (or women, as the case may be) on this site can indeed deliver their gold equivalent of what is on paper, and that they could perhaps be used as a yardstick. The problem is, of course, whether you are prepared to cash in your bonds :-) |
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10:39 am Thursday, 3rd October, 2013
Horny: Given what I said about libido being subjective, I think people are entitled to draw conclusions about how horny they are at a particular point in their life, relative to previous times. I'm no exception. |
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10:43 am Thursday, 3rd October, 2013
GDU: So you would dismiss a toilet cleaner as unprofessional???? Here in Japan, it makes no difference what job you do: the ethic is the same. You do your job conscientiously and take pride in it. I would suggest that the difference between people who are "professional" and "unprofessional" is their work ethic, and not the actual job itself. Some of the biggest crooks in this world wear suits. |
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10:46 am Thursday, 3rd October, 2013
Skebbie..... I actually agree with you in principle, if I were a single person, maybe I would look for more fulfilment from my encounters, but having been with my husband for the last 10 years, in a very happy, fullfiled relationship, both of us see our meets, as nothing more than a ' thrill ' , a bit of spice, as I have said before, some people have spa's, manicures, etc, we have sex with someone, but if I were single, or on here as a married single, as most of the regular bloggers seen to be as I conceed it wouldn't be enough |
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11:03 am Thursday, 3rd October, 2013
Horny: I can see your viewpoint as a couple. Obviously you have an understanding relationship, and as such you need to keep any emotionalmental exchange with your play partners to a minimum. Even though I operate as a lone male, my own personal life stagecircumstances dictate that I don't seek anything particularly serious. However, I enjoy sharing things beyond the bedroom, and I need that kind of affirmation of my humanity to make the sexual side fulfilling for me. |
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11:15 am Thursday, 3rd October, 2013
GDU - your analysis of the word "professional" is perfectly correct. If i might be permitted one observation:- for me there has been a downside to being a professional person here. By dint of training and professional experience I automatically poke holes in the written word, and therefore can be more dismissive of other people (and their profiles) than I should be. |
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11:29 am Thursday, 3rd October, 2013
BBGDU: Actually the grammatical semantics seem irrelevant to me in this context. I would consider "professional" to indicate monetary compensation for doing a job. I'm fully aware that many people associate the word with "skilled services", and I appreciate that. My beef is that it is often abused and used ad nauseam in both profiles and the world at large. And as I stated, it is by no means a stamp of trustworthiness or credibility. |
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11:37 am Thursday, 3rd October, 2013
MsGeil: Thank you for your support (of sorts). I rest my case on this particular issue, although you have obviously raised the bar re. the standard required for a "professional". (I would apply for membership of the Royal Society, but I'd never want to be in a club that would have me as a member. Perhaps that's why I dumped a well-known social web network for "professionals" earlier in the year: it seemed to be full of inflated egos trying to score points off each other.) :-) |
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11:44 am Thursday, 3rd October, 2013
GDU: Forgive me, but that was the impression I received. Sorry if I was mistaken. |
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11:58 am Thursday, 3rd October, 2013
Skebbie, given the fact that we all have different expectations I would suggest that very few people on this site can deliver a true 'gold standard', but isn't that what makes this an exciting place to explore? |
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12:10 pm Thursday, 3rd October, 2013
All I can say is. I wish I never read this. Complete noob! Hopefully my first attempt at my profile wasnt too bad. But if anyone would like to share any tips. Im all ears! |
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12:19 pm Thursday, 3rd October, 2013
David, my son.....your sudden appearance had a surreal quality about it. Suggest you start a new blog or try the Forums. |
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12:30 pm Thursday, 3rd October, 2013
MsGell - being a professional person (hopefully not a boring or stupid one) I made a point of not having a profile photo, to save the potential embarrassment of inapproriate identification. It has not been a problem. I usually email a photo and then chat. |
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12:32 pm Thursday, 3rd October, 2013
I agree Curvy, it is a luxury not having to do the hunting although I'm not totally comfortable being thought of as prey either. As I said earlier, I have found that if messages don't make me smile they get binned so it really doesn't matter how great the profile is at that point. |
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12:43 pm Thursday, 3rd October, 2013
MsGeil: Well....amen to that, although I suspect the thrust (if you like:-) of my blog has already been waylaid :-) |
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1:48 pm Thursday, 3rd October, 2013
Roslyn: I think your last sentence says it all. |
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2:09 pm Thursday, 3rd October, 2013
" At least veggies are healthy, and they can sustain you, which is more than I can say for a whiff of something intangible and often wholly misleading." |
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2:17 pm Thursday, 3rd October, 2013
Luv2: Carrots and cucumbers have a very useful shape. Here in Japan there's something called a "daikon", which is a massive elongated white radish about 3-4 inches in diameter and about 30-40 cm long. "kon" means "root" in Japanese, and the word "kyo-kon" means "massive penis". By a curious coincidence - as I'm sure GDU will testify - the Ozzies refer to shagging as "rooting" (i.e. it doesn't mean "supporting" a team or individual....:-) |
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2:53 pm Thursday, 3rd October, 2013
FA: I'm not disputing anyone's individual interpretation of professionalism in the real world. However, on a site like this it has no meaning. Literally anyone can claim they are a "professional" because they think that label places them in the category or respectability. And then of course, going back to the beginning, there is that ridiculous expression "professional male" :-) |
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3:09 pm Thursday, 3rd October, 2013
Wow, Skebbie, thanks for sharing that veggie tip. Can't say I fancy it myself, but whatever floats your boat. If that's what they do in Japan, I don't suppose you can be blamed for wanting to give it a go. When in Rome and all that ... |
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3:32 pm Thursday, 3rd October, 2013
Luv2: Actually I wasn't wishing to imply that I was sodomizing myself with the stated veg, as I'm not gay and my ass is exit only. I only mentioned them in case you needed to resort to desperate measures next time you were in Waitrose, although sadly I suspect they won't stock "daikon" :-) |
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3:35 pm Thursday, 3rd October, 2013
Luv2: (PS) you seem to have inadvertently sabotaged my blog after all. I stupidly rose to the bait when you were discussing male profiles near the beginning, thus sealing my doom :-) |
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4:08 pm Thursday, 3rd October, 2013
MsGeil: My fertile imagination is currently at fever pitch trying to visualize possible sexual applications for meat and fish. The word "fleshlight" crossed my mind, but clearly would not have the desired effect if used straight from the fridge. On the other hand, use at room temperature or above might pose health and safety risks in terms of potential Clostridium or E. coli infection, especially if recycled for oral consumption afterwards. Clearly we need to consult a "professional male" on the matter. |
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5:44 pm Thursday, 3rd October, 2013
This professional has seen the fatal consequences of an E.coli infection - and I hereby advise you (the advice being free, gratis and for nothing) to have nothing to do with any of the E.coli family. |
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5:49 pm Thursday, 3rd October, 2013
I give up! Hopefully that made sense. |
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5:58 pm Thursday, 3rd October, 2013
Great so not only do i have a beard (wrong according to other blogs!) I now have to worry about my profile! I honestly have no idea if its any good but i don't think i have put any of what you have all said about on it. Surely no one is persuaded by a 'sales pitch' anymore after years of bombardment from every multimedia angle. Reading these blogs can be interesting but at the same time a soul crushing experience! |
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9:26 pm Thursday, 3rd October, 2013
"Luv2: (PS) you seem to have inadvertently sabotaged my blog after all. I stupidly rose to the bait ...... thus sealing my doom" |
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12:36 am Friday, 4th October, 2013
I don't suppose I could wrest the wheel from Luv2's grip and steer this blog back onto its intended bearing? My little Odyssey started with promising beginnings, but I allowed her malevolent Siren voice to lure me off course. She knows my weakness for stubborn pedantry and brutally exploited it. At her feet lie the bones of many doomed mariners and explorers, who have discovered too late the dire consequences of a woman scorned. |
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2:09 am Friday, 4th October, 2013
I'd hate my blog to fizzle out on an erroneous conclusion. Some people are indeed great in the sack and others "snails". My point is how people perceive their own libido and how their perception matches reality in terms of absolute objectivity. I'm also questioning the value and credibility of self-proclaimed sex drive levels on profiles. In many cases, it's actually those statements and self-assessments that are "bollocks" :-) |
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6:49 am Friday, 4th October, 2013
In fear of being accused of taking the blog off its original course, I'm being forced into commenting on my own libido. |
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7:15 am Friday, 4th October, 2013
'Libido' sounds like some sort of carpet cleaner detergent.
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7:26 am Friday, 4th October, 2013
It's OK GDU, I have a lumbar support and plenty of Ralgex. |
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8:30 am Friday, 4th October, 2013
Drew: "Libido" cleans a big, big carpet for less than half a crown :-) On the other hand it could also produce some embarrassing stains. |
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8:41 am Friday, 4th October, 2013
Luv2: The thread had moved on to booze last time I looked :-) |
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9:58 am Friday, 4th October, 2013
Hang on Skebbie, if you're not qualified to give that advice, then you can't legally charge for it. Oh, now, there's a thought! P.S. Doctors and Lawyers stopped charging in guineas long ago: so it's official - you're behind the times! |
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10:11 am Friday, 4th October, 2013
BB: I'm definitely not disputing that observation, BB. I'm one of the old school :-) |
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10:29 am Friday, 4th October, 2013
Skebbie, if I were you I'd be googling Ghostbusters for contact details. I have no problem with discussing what it means to be a professional, nor the associated professionalism. I became a professional in order to contribute to society: money had nothing to do with my decision. Indeed, you will of course be aware of Sir David Napley's famous comment that a professional is paid in order that he may work. |
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10:38 am Friday, 4th October, 2013
BB: I'm not familiar with that, in fact, but I'm happy to take your word :-) |
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11:20 am Friday, 4th October, 2013
Skebbie, I can explain the position regarding charging in guineas, In days gone by, sporting debts (typically the gambling debts of the aristocracy) were settled in guineas, and payment in this fashion was said to be the preserve of, and sign of, a gentleman. In those days, as only people from that class became Doctors or Lawyers, it was natural to charge in guineas. Over the years, as society opened up, one no longer had to be a gentleman to be a professional, but the snobbery associated with charging in guineas persisted. So, FA, have you always been a snob? |
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12:04 pm Friday, 4th October, 2013
OMG!!!!!!!!!! |
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1:02 pm Friday, 4th October, 2013
Wilf: Don't blame me, mate. I started this blog with the best of intentions, but as the "host" I feel duty-bound to deal with red herrings, and that's how blogs get transmogrified :-) |
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2:08 pm Friday, 4th October, 2013
FA: Funny you should mention that. During the "bubble economy" of the 90s here in Japan, when people were prepared to throw money at anything so they could claim it back in expenses, I raised the prices for my services by a substantial amount, and that resulted in an increase of orders by about 15%. Go figure. |
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10:03 pm Friday, 4th October, 2013
FA - if I may say so, you do seem to have to have it in for senior partners. They bleed too, you know! I would say your attitude is unprofessional, but as Skebbie is evidently getting to be a bit twitchy about the direction his blog has been heading, I shall refrain from any comment of that nature. |
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12:24 am Saturday, 5th October, 2013
BBRoslyn: Don't worry - I'm resigned now :-) |
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2:50 am Saturday, 5th October, 2013
I'm so glad I was able to bring two people together on my blog. Suddenly, frustration about having it hijacked all seems so irrelevant :-) |
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7:33 am Saturday, 5th October, 2013
Wouldn't be the first time GDU :-) |
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10:16 am Saturday, 5th October, 2013
My oh my ... look how this blog has evolved. Skebbie, your high sex drive has travelled all the way from Japan to Liverpool in just two days. |
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11:59 am Saturday, 5th October, 2013
Curvy - Thank you. I think. Or are you calling my profile effeminate! And is that a good thing. Haha |
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12:13 pm Saturday, 5th October, 2013
Curvy - Thank you beautiful. |
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1:02 pm Saturday, 5th October, 2013
GDU - a Hub wedding? The mind boggles! The after dinner speeches could be a riot though, especially if the mother of the bride is one the prim-and-proper brigade. |
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1:04 pm Saturday, 5th October, 2013
Typing error- sorry - should have said one of the prim-and-proper brigade. |
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4:30 pm Saturday, 5th October, 2013
It would be interesting to see how many wedding guests got together on here as well. Perhaps they could all wear a button hole on one side and their avatar on the other. |
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5:13 am Sunday, 6th October, 2013
Yes please GDU. |
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9:08 am Sunday, 6th October, 2013
Luv2: Finally.....a tantalizing glimpse of cleavage :-) Up to now your profile pics had resembled a cross between Amadeus and Eyes Wide Shut :-) |
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1:30 pm Sunday, 6th October, 2013
Yeah, I'm clearly getting a little more daring (not). |
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2:45 pm Sunday, 6th October, 2013
As a late comer, rather than a heavy cummer, to this blog post and being someone who has been accused of reading too much into things in the past and therefore able to recognise the symptoms my view is this: |
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4:32 pm Sunday, 6th October, 2013
Gerry, better late than never ;-) |
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4:44 pm Sunday, 6th October, 2013
As an old fashioned sort of bloke, although I have reluctantly joined the ranks of the sans cravates for normal office hours, I still habitually wear a suit and tie for business meetings. Went to one last Friday where the home side looked like sacks of shit tied in the middle, a company director included. The actual workers, in contrast, looked very smart in their company polo shirts and work trousers. |
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11:38 pm Sunday, 6th October, 2013
"I've always taken the view that a decent suit and pair of shoes is good for at least one promotion ..." |
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11:39 pm Sunday, 6th October, 2013
Shoes, like knickers, have to be of a certain quality. |
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11:44 pm Sunday, 6th October, 2013
Skebbie, as your blog has already gone way of track, can I take this opportunity to ask a personal question? What the bloody heck are you sitting on in your profile pick? It looks extremely uncomfortable. I though it may be from a Japanese BDSM torture chamber. |
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12:23 am Monday, 7th October, 2013
Luv2: Actually a few people have asked me that. It has no real significance except that it turned out to be the right height for making those self-timer poses and was simply to hand at the time. As you probably know, Japanese-style rooms have woven straw tatami mats, which require special furniture to avoid damaging them. In fact the object in question is an L-shaped wooden chair that one uses to sit on the floor with legs outstretched and with a back-rest. I simply turned it upside down so that I was well off the floor to take the pic. |
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1:18 am Monday, 7th October, 2013
Gerry - your understanding of what it means to be "a professional" is flawed. To be a professional means that one has to have a career in a profession: Accountancy, Law and Medicine spring to mind. Being a member of a profession means that the ethics of the profession in question come first: the job comes second.
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8:08 am Monday, 7th October, 2013
Actually BB, I think your definition may be flawed. I'm no etymologist, but doesn't the historical meaning of the noun 'professional' refer to someone whose philosophies and working habits have been taught and influenced by a professor? So, a professional is the follower of a professor. |
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10:48 am Monday, 7th October, 2013
Wilf: That is pure genius: finally a quantitative estimate !! Unsure whether it's me or Dixon who would qualify for the honour, though :-) |
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11:18 am Monday, 7th October, 2013
Wilf, you are right however, the word has much earlier religious connotations relating to the taking of an oath in the early 15th century. When entering the church you promised to follow the 'teachings of God' (they professed themselves to the church). God being the professor (teacher). |
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11:31 am Monday, 7th October, 2013
According to the Oxford English Dictionary, the noun 'professional' didn't take on it's current meaning of 'one who makes a profession or business of any occupation' until early 1800s. |
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11:31 am Monday, 7th October, 2013
According to the Oxford English Dictionary, the noun 'professional' didn't take on it's current meaning of 'one who makes a profession or business of any occupation' until early 1800s. |
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11:46 am Monday, 7th October, 2013
Ok - now that Skebbie's blog is WAY off topic and even he is getting involved in what I would describe as the Great Professional Debate, it is clear that we are all going round in circles. We all have a point of view, and we will never all agree. It is a real pity that we will never all meet, as I would have enjoyed a discussion over a few (well, ok, more than a few) drinks.
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11:50 am Monday, 7th October, 2013
Luv2 - the posts had moved on as I was typing. Apologies for any confusion. The post I was referring to was the one where you discussed the taking of oaths in the early 15th Century. |
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12:30 pm Monday, 7th October, 2013
FA "which everyone agrees include only law, medicine and theology." Not so .... |
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12:36 pm Monday, 7th October, 2013
Really horny is get them off NOW! |
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6:18 pm Monday, 7th October, 2013
Ros - well now, you want to talk about tractors? Ok, in the absence of Rigger, I would be happy to oblige. I think we should jazz his tractor up a bit. Suppose we added go-faster stripes, twin exhausts, a sports steering wheel; and perhaps a prismatic compass to enable him to find his top meadow. What I want to know is, would you then want to be seen inon it of a Saturday night? |
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6:21 pm Monday, 7th October, 2013
Her next one is called Two Caravans, but please can we not get onto caravans? Pretty please? |
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7:13 pm Monday, 7th October, 2013
Well Drew, as you're obviously a decent chap, I promise not to. |
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7:47 pm Monday, 7th October, 2013
Badboy, I found it! |
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8:33 pm Monday, 7th October, 2013
Agreed, not very tractory, but I wouldn't have slept tonight if I didn't get what should be the last word. Mmm, perhaps that's what my husband meant when he said I drive him crazy ;-) |
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8:36 pm Monday, 7th October, 2013
Bling up the alloy wheels. Assuming tractors have alloys that is. |
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8:37 pm Monday, 7th October, 2013
Ros - by the time he has done all that, there will be no room for the poor chap to get his leg over! lol |
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8:41 pm Monday, 7th October, 2013
Luv2 - you need to go back at least another century to see what was happening. I expected you to stick your nose into a history book, not a dictionary!! |
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8:45 pm Monday, 7th October, 2013
Luv2 - once Rigger's tractor has had a rigger-ous makeover, even the factory wouldn't recognise it! Alloy wheels? But of course, we will provide nice ones.. Should they be painted? |
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9:11 pm Monday, 7th October, 2013
I did stick my nose in the history book mentioned |
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11:12 pm Monday, 7th October, 2013
FA, are you referring to tractor tracks? |
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2:50 pm Tuesday, 8th October, 2013
FA: I was going to inquire whether the Ukrainian tractor book title you cited was the original or whether it's a typo. |
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2:50 pm Tuesday, 8th October, 2013
FA: I was going to inquire whether the Ukrainian tractor book title you cited was the original or whether it's a typo. |
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6:58 pm Tuesday, 8th October, 2013
Of course we're talking about sex drive. You can take your pick of driving to sex in a car, a 4 x 4 or even a tractor. |