It's my lunchtime: DO NOT DISTURB

1. Hair straighteners
2. Dishwasher
3. ladder-resistant stockings

Yes I'm desperately bored, hence my chav blog of a few days ago:-) Blog subject matter seems to have taken a nose dive in the last couple of weeks. I'm thinking of getting myself a lobotomy on the NHS and then I can be quite happy sitting in the corner playing with my emoticons :-)

I think my life depends on three main things:

1. Yorkshire Gold teabags
2. Mrs Palm
3. My laptop

(not necessarily in that order)

Jonnealas you've been censored by the mods. Have you listed naughty gadgets? :-)

Skebbie: "Blog subject matter seems to have taken a nose dive in the last couple of weeks."
Totally agree. I find all the good ones disappear when silly ones appear and the new site format doesn't help. We need a fresh approach ...

Incidentally, I thought your attempt to chav it was worth a gold star, but I'm afraid my response was a chav gangsta hybrid. I clearly need some practice.

Damn! Corkscrew - How could I have missed that one? Mm, now could I trade my ladder-resistant stockings for one? (Quietly reflecting) .... Yes I could because after a bottle or two who cares if there are holes in your stockings and you look like a hobo.

mobile phone
internet
car

After a bottle or two do you care if your wearing stockings at all?

1. Blow up Doll
2. Pump
3. Puncture repair kit

Will they ever make puncture resistant vinyl? Maybe I shouldn't smoke after sex!

MsG, I think you are right. Who wants to get up the morning after to wash wine glasses from the night before? At least the hair still looks good and I don't have to go to M&S to buy more stockings.

Yes MsG I agree entirely, anyway can't hang around here all day those benefit's aren't going to claim themselves.

Guitars
Amplifiers
Pedal Boards

A quick observation:


Skebbie, gadgetinvention: Mrs palm - do you have a prosthetic hand?

Gerry, you're right about the stockings. Who would care?
As for your 3 inventions ... you are such a perv ;-)

Jonnealas, Horny and others (especially Frisky),: It's 2013. Smartphones are multifunctional devices and usually have phone, Internet, iPod etc. as standard.

MIdsR, word to the wise, you should have kept your Viagra comment a secret. ;-)

frisky: not disappeared - merely in hibernation awaiting reanimation when someone mutters a few words of interest :-)

Luv2: Yes it's the latest in Japanese technology. It can also be programmed to do the washing up. You've heard of "Mr Coffee" ? Well you get the idea, I'm sure :-)

Ah, Mr Coffee? Freshly ground, frothy and it wakes you up in the morning ... I get it ;-)



Gillie an, sorry I know, but I just don't do the chocolate thing. Well, I do, but I wouldn't trade my dishwasher or hair straighteners for it. Call me shallow ...

Wildckat, you're a lucky kitty. Your tom's a keeper x.

Have you had him to the vets lately? Any good vet would advise tomcat owners to have them castrated to stop them from pissing over your neighbour's patio pots.

FA, your list does surprise me. You cook?

And here I am thinking you would have a live-in lady to cook for you :-)

I suspect if you start a blog on that topic you'll get death threats from uncut blokes, in the same way as when there was a blog on BBWs versus slim :-)

Lingering: No - by all means feel free to take a swing at FA. He loves it :-)

FA, Skebbie ... Tut tut tut, are you upsetting my guests?
Shame on you boys! I will have to think of a suitable punishment. In the meantime you really ought to reflect on your behaviour.

:-)

WildC, not sure a circumcised cock can be classed as a gadget. However, due to the fact that there aren't any rules and Skebbie was allowed his prosthetic Mrs Palm, I think you should be allowed a cock. It compliments your other two items nicely.
X

Luv2: Let's be accurate about this: the prospect of one of your guests becoming upset was merely hanging in the air. The outcome was still undecided :-)

How true, but a suitable punishment is still in order (mwhahahah).

Personally, I'm still recovering from the thought of FA rubbing himself all over with OMO.

I reserve the right to change my mind :-)

After getting lost this morning due to road diversions and realising I had left my satnav at home, I'm trading my stockings for a TOM TOM.

I have no sense of direction.

No comments about lady drivers please ;-)

For some reason my mind drifted to Puss In Boots. Why was that? Was it the reference to male cats. Was it that I suspect he wears stockings under his boots thus enabling Luv2 to fulfil her desire for navigational assistance and sexy legs into one handy essential item? Or am I fantacising about pussies, boots, and stockings? OMG I am soooo screwed up :)

Didn't even know you could still buy it.

FOM, you're not screwed up; pretty normal for this site. We like it!

Tomckat, what should I make of "Turn around when possible" ?
;-)


FA, Ajax or OMO could prove to be quite an exfoliation. Squeaky clean ...

FA for god sake don't mention the post office tower being climbed by a pussy!

1. T'internet - how else would we waste or lunchbreaks making lists
2. Bed - just built for enjoyment.
3. Booze - how many inhibitions would never have been lowered and long lusty liaisons never happened without it?

Omo, Daz, Ajax. Goodness me, you must all be as old as I :O

What a mature, sophisticated set of swingers!

The disadvantage of age is that our reactions slow down. Here's my response to Luv2's last blog lol

In response to Luv2's much earlier comment this site has taught me:
to log on more often otherwise I lose the thread of the conversations.
that everyone woman is different, with a charming array of turn-ons, turn-offs, and whimsies.
that I am NEVER going to get close to Luv2 no matter how hard I try
Hugs :)

FOM, you really wouldn't want to. I think the latest was 'Ice-Queen'. I'm fine with my definition of it, but I think it was meant as an insult.
Hugs back at you x

Hi. Having come to the conclusion that the chat rooms are generally an intellectual desert, I have taken to perusing the blogs. My list would be:-
1. a good secretary
2. my laptop
3. the ability to be satisfied with what I've got.

Badboy - it's great to see someone new on the blogs.

Not sure about your item 1 (it's a long story).
I do like your third item though. Not quite a gadget, but what the hell ...

1 - cheap slutty secretary voodoo doll (and pins)
2 - digital radio, so much more educational, informative and inspirational than that tiresome goggle box
3 - downright dirty webcam sex

Wildckat, sounds like the perfect attire for a handsome kitty. I'm wondering about the fur ..... Should a purrfect kitty wax or shave?



Masterand ... Good evening to you.
Such an interesting list of items. :-)

Haha. My comment was deleted ... Ok, let's try re-phrasing:


Perhaps it's because we like to stroke furry critters when they sit on our lap. But that really isn't a good enough answer.

Wildckat, what is your kitty expert theory on this?

Luv2sucU - for the purposes of this blog, my third item is deemed to be a gadget.
Wildckat - in my humble opinion it is very unwise to have a relationship other than a working relationship with one's secretary: complications can (and do) arise otherwise.

Luv2sucU - for the purposes of this blog, my third item is deemed to be a gadget.
Wildckat - in my humble opinion it is very unwise to have a relationship other than a working relationship with one's secretary: complications can (and do) arise otherwise.

I have posted twice - how did that happen?

Wildc, "Brut sid tonod. It doesn't really make sense"

Depends whether or not you are wanting some kitty quietly time ;-)

BadBoy, "in my humble opinion it is very unwise to have a relationship other than a working relationship with one's secretary ..."

You speak wise words my friend; I think I like you ;-)

Now I need coffee.

well hello u ive missed our witty banter so I have to try and heighten myself and start to write on ur blog,,,,,,,,,hmmm its a toughie u know im the one line king x

Syd - Voltaire once finished off a letter by apologising for the length of the letter, and explaining that he hadn't had the time to make it short: in other words anybody can ramble on, but to say the same thing succinctly takes forethought and time. So, good luck with the one-liners.

Syd, you tracked me down! I clearly need a better hiding place or failing that, a restriction order :-)
PS - how's your daughter doing?


Bad-Boy, I'm wondering if your username is a true reflection of the owner ...

Ref Ice-Queens.

Strange, I would think I'd be more attracted to cuddly things like pussies (of whatever variety) but there's something about an ice-queen that is FAR more tantalising and alluring.

Why is that? Why do I have more questions than answers? Maybe pussies offer answers while ice-queens pose questions.

Aweeeeee, I am STILL so messed up despite Luv2's kind words earlier.

Luv2sucU - re your last comment - one has to call oneself something, and this is a sex site after all. Anyway, I suspect the pot is calling the kettle black here: I seem to recall reading that although your username may be tasteless, you are not.

Luv2 do I sense a tone of knowing experience in your responses re the secretary?

Juicy gossip to spill?

Dunno about Ice Queens (OK, yes, I did have a thing for Tilda Swinton in the Narnia movies) but someone told me this (allegedly) true story about banging a Jewish American Princess in classic missionary position, to hear her say "Beige. I think the ceiling should be beige".

FOM, Ice-Queen v Kitties. Perhaps you are right ... why, why, why?


What is the difference between love and obsession? Didn't both make you stay up all night, wandering the streets, a victim of your own imagination, your own heartbeat? Didn't you fall into both, headfirst into quicksand? Wasn't every man in love a fool and every woman a slave?

Love was like rain: it turned into ice, or it disappeared. Now you saw it, now you couldn't find it no matter how hard you might search. Love evaporated; obsession was realer; it hurt, like a pin in your bottom, a stone in your shoe. It didn't go away in the blink of an eye. A morning phone call filled with regret. A letter that said, 'Dear you, good-bye from me'. Obsession tasted like something familiar. Something you'd known your whole life. It settled and lurked; it stayed with you.

The Ice-Queen
Alice Hoffman

badboy img src="imagesadultemoticons008.gif"

Badboy, touché.
Have you been a badboy and peeking at my profile? My username is indeed tasteless however there are somedays when it suits me just fine :-)

Wilf: If you chose a phone with internet, you could have selected another item. Value! Perhaps some nibbles to go with your liquid lunches?


Gerry: "I sense a tone of knowing experience in your responses"
Don't ask ... :-(

x

Hogweed, somedays you're better off staying in bed.
It seems the site censors are working overtime tonight.

Alice Hoffman is one insightful lady. Why am I on this blog? Is it obsession or love? The former obviously. I could hardly claim to love Luv2, I hardly know her. But something about her whit, self-knowledge, and tantalising photos have me obsessed. I can feel the mental ache even now.
I cling on to the hope that Luv2 will fall headlong into the quicksand, a slave to my blogs. But I don't have the eloquence or photos to achieve that goal. Perhaps I should quote Alice Hoffman ;)

well that aint working,and shes fine thank u for asking that's a nice thing to do x

lip gloss
unlimited credit card
and everyone to have a smile xxx
wn personal make upstylisthair and nail stylist and shopper

Luv2 - yes, i have checked out your profile, in the same way that you checked out mine. There is a degree of artificiality here which can be offset by checking out profiles.

"Unlimited credit card"

I thought I had one of those once, but reality struck when my husband moved out and I had to pay my own bill. Damn, those buggers have spending limits!

There are a few things about having a live-in husband that I will always miss: putting petrol in my car; putting the wheelie bin out for collection; paying my credit card bill

Ha, and he had the nerve to say I am too independent ...

Oh, and I forgot to add that he was also useful for brushing up the leaves from the drive.

Sounds like a real romance. Why did you marry him?

FOMan, we're all like that, obsessed with Luv2's mystery, whit and intelligence, we're like fly's in her web, paralysed by her hypnosis. Kept for her amusement until she gets bored with us, consumes us and spits the bits out.

Lets just enjoy it while it lasts!

Sweep up the leaves while you can boys.

BadBoy, because I loved him (aww).

Hey you lot, I'm not really an Ice Queen. I do have feelings you know ...

Bullies x

Luv2 - we know, you're just a softie at heart.

At this time of life, Ice Queens are too much work for me. Sadly, I no longer have the time to wear down their resistance, batter down their door, and sweep them off to a life of connubial bliss.....only to find that the same old cycle of infatuation, boredom and disillusionment has set in.

I'm much more in the market for a connection where limited time in each other's company is savoured and appreciated without having to accede to too many demands and expectations. Middle age is a time for maximizing what's left of one's active life - not for acquiring fetters.

Skebbie, I completly agree. I would find it interesting - indeed beneficial - to read what replies (if any) you get from members of the female persuasion.

Giving Luv2 a big((((hug))). Didn't mean to bully her.

FOM, hug gratefully received x

Curvy, great to see you!! Good choice of items ... Got to look good when taking selfies on a smartphone :-)


As for the rest (you know who you are) ... I have no expectations of people on this site; there are those who please, those who surprise, those who excite and others who disappoint - that's life. For the record, this female likes to think she's warm hearted - no ice there at all :-) and she neither owns or loans any fetters (they don't look good with heels).
Been there, done that thank you very much.

Now sticking out my tongue and blowing a raspberry at you all like a ten year old.

Thank you x

By the way, can you send me my fetters back before someone notices they're missing.

:-)

True. I've see some pretty smart diamanté studded ones ;-)

Curvy, you should have told me, I would have joined you. Strength in numbers ;-)

FA just keep a stash of Cakes behind the front door so you can cause a diversion on exit!

Jackson - did you perhaps mean to say telecommune?

Luv2 - you will have noticed I've been looking at your profile. It hasn't been deliberate and I'm not fixated - when clicking on "blog posts" your profile has been coming up - apologies.

Luv2 - you will have noticed I've been looking at your profile. It hasn't been deliberate and I'm not fixated - when clicking on "blog posts" your profile has been coming up - apologies.

Now a double post - wonderful.

Blimey Badboy, you could have just pretended ...
Have a good day

luv2 - I didn't mean to rile you - or to cause offence - or to do you down - some people would find it spooky to have their profile read and re-read - what I am trying to say is that there are some strange people on the hub, and I diddn't want you to think you were being stalked. Am I forgiven? x

Don't worry Badboy, I'm not that easily riled. I suppose a :-) was missing from the end of my last message.

I'm always perving at profiles ... I make no apologies for it as some are extremely 'interesting'.

Hope you really did have a good day.



Jackson - You fix away, it does indeed make me feel good.

Visit anytime you like; just knock first ;-)

If this blog keeps going for much longer, it will require it's own 'sub blog section'

Luvs you have created a monster!

Absolutely