"I WIll Never Have Sex Again"

Although not written precisely in the same vein, perhaps you could take a peep at my blog on "sexual retirement". I think some people find this topic a tad gloomy, but I think it's a very relevant one for people in mid-life without a "dedicated" sexual partner.

GDU, Thank you for that - it probably is more about intimacy than the act itself. My socks are firmly up, my chest firmly out. If I could get my spreading waistline under control that might also help.

GDU - Yes, I think I need one too. I used to hate it at the time, but there were actually some benefits from being beasted all over rural England by sadistic little Army PT Instructors shouting encouragement and morale boosting comments.

BBW - Thank you. Hope springs eternal.

It's human nature and you can't just retire from that. Life's too short ...

That's my latest view on it anyway ;-)

I wasn't trying to sound discouraging in my initial comment - just offering another take on the situation that people like you and I find ourselves in.

When I started this journey I had very low expectations, but in the end was pleasantly surprised how things turned out. However, things might have been different had I not tried very hard to improve myself and been very proactive in promoting myself on two other sites apart from this one. Having said that, I'm definitely feeling an "age factor effect" now, which translates into diminishing returns for increased effort. Hence my reference to my previous blog.

Naturally it's ridiculous to say that blokes our age are "past it", but it can't be denied that a large proportion of women look at a bloke's age first, and tend to go for those maybe 10 years younger - competition is tough. I make no bones about the fact I'm not looking for anything clingy, and I still stand by that. However, reading between your lines it would seem that intimacy and a genuine relationship are more in your sights than just "chasing skirt". If that's the case, then I suspect that would make you a more attractive prospect to many women on here who are looking for stability with a nice guy.

As Luv2 says above, the male-female dynamic is such an important part of life, and healthy sexuality has many rewards. On the other hand, you have to draw a balance between your degree of sexual need and the potential pitfalls of heavy emotional investment. I laid myself bare on two occasions in the past and got burned for it, so I'm not going down that path again. I think that it's still possible to share tenderness and intimacy with a FB, but you have to be sure you both have the same level of neediness.

" ... pitfalls of heavy emotional investment."


Emotional investment: I don't think so! Been there, done that, got the tee shirt (I mean rings) and the scars to prove it. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.

Besides, I'm kind of getting used to making out like a star fish in bed. Erm, does that sound wrong? I mean, by having all the space to myself.

Actually I *love* sleeping alone in a double bed: I tend to be a restless sleeper anyway. In Japan I sleep in a futon on the floor so if I roll off it's no big deal. Must admit it's nice to sleep with someone now and then, but as a lifestyle thing, it doesn't work for me.

I should have added to my earlier comment that I'm no longer whining about it.

Making my local council proud: "It is not in the stars to hold our destiny ..." (Julius Ceasar by our one and only Mr Shakespear)

PS Drew, your blog into is pants ;-)

Just got back in after taking GDU's advice and giving the rowing machine a hard time. I have to agree with Skebbie and Curvy - the scars of past emotional woundings are still there and all too easy to open again. The line between intimacy and emotional involvement may be a fine one, but most definitely not to be crossed again. And yes, Luv2, Won't Get Fooled Again (with apologies to Roslyn'CD and her blog). Seriously, pants?

You can't do that with the muscle busters - it just irritates them and they beast you even more. It's funny in a way as they can call you whatever they want as long as they put "Sir" on the end.

Art imitating life. My favourite is still "Swing your arms more sir, or I will rip one off and hit you with the soggy end!"

Curvy: Depends which way you look at it. You could argue that settling for second best just for security is even wimpier :-) I think there's something noble about being unattached and retaining one's dignity while holding out for something really memorable, even though it may be short-term.

GDU - No, it was made for a smaller officer. Actually, I got rid of all my kit when I left apart from the sword.
Skebbie, Curvy - There is an element of self preservation in the solitariness. And a lot more room in the bed of course. But there is still that longing sometimes - bit like ex smokers always wanting a cigarette perhaps - and when it overtakes me it is a physical ache.

You can get locked up for that in the UK. Anyway, as on here, all the girls seem to want racing snakes who weigh 60 kilos soaking wet, whereas I am of what you might call a more solid construction.

Yes, guilt is a great motivator. Also I can't afford to keep buying new strides.

BBW - That is the real problem isn't it. How do we maintain a level of detachment from someone with whom we are in the most intimate of situations? One of the reasons I have abstained for so long is just that. They say that alcoholics can't have even one drink. I suspect with me it would be just one kiss.

And what happens when one of them decides they have had enough after any length of time? I think anyone who could just walk away without any feelings of sadness or loss must have no soul.

Luv2, Roslyn, Thank you for the constructive criticism there. Always good to get feedback on one's efforts.

Look out for the next iteration once it has been through the vetting procedure. D xx

Oh Roslyn, I know you just adopt a veneer of shallowness. And thank you for the advice - I mean it.

Good to know. Hope it was worth the wait!

Got to agree with FA Drew: 5 years!! Jeez ... Did you join a seminary college or some kind of religious order?

;-)

Roslyn, little and cute, but you are never shallow x

Sorry Drew. It was well meant critique.

You are basically saying, "I haven't eaten pussy so I'll have a meat pie"

You'll wait another 5 years to get laid with that ...

xxx

Facetious note: Of course Drew could really be pulling our legs about 5 years of sexlessness, and be operating a new kind of ploy that elicits sympathy from women who would love to spend time with a decent-looking man who "needs a good woman" :-) The recipe blog into may be part of this cunning plan :-)

PS: EG's blog about emotional attachment is probably worth a gander in this context.....

Well, there are certainly some interesting insights there.
Troggy - I am just like you and I do care. I couldn't just fuck someone and walk away and I suppose I have to accept, like you, that there will be personal distress at the end of any relationship, however brief it might be. I just need to get over it ifwhen it happens.
Skebbie, I did think this might be interpreted as a bid for the sympathy vote, but I worked on the basis that this group at least would not see me as that shallow. Closer to the mark with the food thing, though. A man who can cook?
FA, Luv2, it started with a sexless marriage. I did not want to be unfaithful so I accepted it. The last time was an office fling which did not end well. I don't go out much, and even if I did, I am far too self conscious to just walk up to a woman and try to chat her up. I play guitar, read, cook, and (until this week at least) try not to think about it.
Roslyn, I see now that my profile intro was crass. I still can't think of a suitable one liner which sums me up. As for this blog, in my defence I was on my third scotch and so not really thinking clearly. The joke in that episode of The Big Bang Theory is that every time Leonard tries to break up with Stephanie, they end up having sex. Oh, and no enchiladas but I do a pretty mean penne all'arrabiata.
FA, not everybody does. It was a gift from my parents when I passed out at Sandhurst. (That's graduated for everybody else. It''s a bit ironic because some cadets do actually pass out on the final parade). I still have it because, apart from the sentimental value, it's now illegal to sell it without a licence.


So, Roslyn, no, not the meat pie solution at all. In fact, just the opposite.

You're up late, Drew (it's just coming up to lunchtime here; being 8 hours ahead of UK usually allows me to sneak in comments while most bloggers are in the land of Nod :-)

Talking of swords, had I been living in the UK, I had this whimsical image of being surrounded by wailing squad cars and then tasered while harmlessly practicing my katana moves in a Skipton cul-de-sac :-)

Up early, actually. I seem to have got into a pattern of waking up at 02:30 and not being able to sleep again. I was also given a Gurkha khukri a couple of years ago by a friend who had been in Nepal. I have to clean and oil them both with the blinds closed so my neighbours don't think I am the mad axe murderer of Andover.

My Dad has one of those hanging above the mantlepiece: a relic of his national service out East.