All my life I have always leaned towards non-Vanilla. My Music, taste in clothes and so much more.
My first two girlfriends I didn't try anything extra and with the third I wanted to try something different and was instantly chastised. See even though I have always beat to my own drum, I always tried on the outside to be who I thought people wanted me to be. It took years and years unfortunately for me to be like "fuck everyone else" and just be me. I got my first tattoo and piercings, but stepping out of the rest of my shell was harder than I ever thought it would be and it was my fault because my 4th real Girlfriend became my Wife. By the time I started to try to be myself, we had already been married for several years.
The thing was, I didn't even want to be married, at least not yet and not because she wasn't a wonderful woman, but because she was very vanilla with sex and most of life and it left me wanting.
So here I am unhappily Married because even tho she is a wonderful woman I need something different and that was a painful thing to acknowledge. To whom that read this, please do me a favour - live life for you and in turn you will for your partner because you can't truly love someone else if you cant love yourself first.
And I didn't at all.
I was hurt I was hurting someone, mad because I tried to be what everyone wanted to be. Disappointed because I let depression get the better of me. I gained weight, I am 36 and it took me all this time but now it's my life and I have two little blessings because of it.
I am working on my weight and learning a new love for hiking I never had and hopefully this site will help with the sex side of me.
I hope that gives you window into me.... More to come
