Sexual, Sensual Reflections: Neediness (Part 2)

Let's call her Deedee. While it's not her real name, it serves to remind me of her two best assets.

Deedee had long, flowing, raven-black hair, a slim figure befitting a model and a love for dogs. She was also around six years my senior and she shared my penchant for personal development. We met at a workshop and got along quite well.

At one point, I decided to escalate. After all, she seemed to be interested in me and I in her. I felt like we had built rapport so perhaps it was time to take things to the next level.

Big mistake. What I didn't realize was that she was far more interested in stroking something other than my cock. And it wasn't physical.

You see, Deedee was the type of woman who preferred to have a gazillion orbiters around her. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, an orbiter is a guy whom a woman holds at arms length while keeping him interested enough in her to keep trying. It's a classic carrot-on-a-stick approach.

Naive and foolish as I was, I didn't realize that I was one of those orbiters. I figured she was just playing hard to get and that I had to persevere in order to get what I wanted. Therefore, I continued to shower her with gifts and sweet nothings. I also turned a blind eye to the various clues of flakiness, vagueness and forms of non-commitment that clearly indicated other priorities.

Eventually, life made things painfully clear to me. The wake-up call came took place during one cold, November night when I walked into the hotel that served as the venue for our date. I felt a strange, inexplicably heavy sensation of discomfort in my chest and solar plexus area--it was my intuition trying to tell me something. I had been feeling it for some time but I had willfully ignored it in my stubborn refusal to face the truth.

That truth hit me squarely in the face a few moments later when a trusted mentor and friend also walked in. We exchanged awkward, surprised glances and immediately understood what had transpired.

Confused, I called one of my good friends for advice on what to do in a situation like this. Without any hesitation, she said two simple words: "Walk away."

I took a deep breath, steeled myself and followed her advice. The rest is history.

That fateful decision was arguably one of the toughest decisions a former orbiter and people pleaser could have made at that time. While the decision to walk was near immediate, letting go of the emotional attachment took a bit longer. Part of me wanted to stay and try again. After all, I reasoned that perhaps I could eventually get what I wanted if only I could try harder or do better. When the reality of my neediness and Deedee's penchant for taking advantage of it finally set in, however, I severed my emotional ties to her for good.

Looking back, there were at least two good things that came out of it. For one thing, it provided me with the necessary contrast that helped me to be extremely appreciative of my current partner. I probably would not have been as grateful if Deedee hadn't treated me the way she did. Sometimes, the people who have been loved most all their lives tend to appreciate it least.

Moreover, I had learned a key lesson behind the ability to overcome neediness and turn it into something more useful. I'll share that with you in the next installment of the series. Till then, take care and stay tuned.

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