VidaLaFierce - This Queen’s Speech
I missed this year’s Queen’s Speech on Christmas Day. I know, terribly remiss of me, as I do love Liz. I’m fully aware I can watch on catch-up, but it doesn’t quite feel the same tuning in after the event, not huddled around a little merry on Prosecco and full of fabulous Christmas food. Aside from that, the meme of her that I’ve seen literally everywhere with the caption “So, 2020, where do we fucking start?” was exactly how I wanted her to open and I almost felt like if she didn’t, I’d be disappointed. Not that it’d be possible to be disappointed in Her Majesty, the world’s grandmother.
So, as I missed it and as I’m also a queen, I thought I’d have a crack at one. Can’t be that hard, can it? So, here goes... This queen’s speech.
So, 2020, where DO we fucking start exactly? Well, it started out in the usual manner. Me being the epitome of class dinking Prosecco from the bottle in our regular late-night haunt after seeing in the new year gigging for the masses, like you do, swearing that this year would be the best yet and all that jazz, completely oblivious to what we’d all be doing a couple of months hence.
Of course, by my birthday in early March, the whole Covid situation was starting to gain pace a little, but we still didn’t think it was a situation that was going to really kick off like it did. Oh to be so naïve again, eh? Our regular local haunt was closed for a private function on that last weekend before lockdown, not that we knew it was coming, so we’d just gone somewhere else and had a decidedly lacklustre evening promising ourselves a better one the next week, but that didn’t happen, cheers, Ms Rona.
So, Like most people, it was Lockdown for us and all plans had to go on hold for awhile. It was not, apparently, going to be the best year ever and I wasn’t going to get through my long list of things I was going to achieve. But do you know what? I’m dumbfounded looking back at the things I did get done! It might not have been the year I planned, but it’s certainly not been a total loss either! I suppose it’s a matter of how you look at it really.
First thing it gave me was much less rushing around, trying to wear all the different hats I have to wear. And I love an excuse to wear a hat, obviously! I’m always saying there aren’t enough hats these days! But no, what I mean in this instance is juggling all the responsibilities of boy me, lady me, gigs, meetings, a myriad of behind the scenes projects, the charities I work with, the writing, everything. Now, I absolutely love all of this stuff, but the surprise break was a bit of a shock to the system! Suddenly, I wasn’t rushing around all the time and could actually slow down! It was frustrating at first, but I actually started to love it! I didn’t even really slow down that much, as I don’t think I’m actually capable of doing nothing, but, it was, like I said at the time – busy but on my own terms!
I finally got around to all the little jobs I never get to do at home, like having a sort out and a massive tidy! When you’re stuck at home, you want it to be as nice as possible, but more than that, I finally wasn’t just putting up with the clutter because I was too busy, I really went for it and finally streamlined! It might not rank among the greatest achievements in history, but for me, I’m taking it as a win!
More time for culinary adventures was another plus! A chance to tweak existing recipes and a chance to invent some more and to also share some of them was a highlight, which I’d never normally find time to do!
Sharing some of myself on videos to be spread far and wide, getting to interact with more folks than ever before and getting to pass on some of what I’ve learned over the years was an absolute gift – plus time to focus on that and really enjoy it, which I wouldn’t normally get to do as much, was amazing! Normally, I work my little padded ass off, finish a task and then it’s ‘boom’ onto the next thing, without really having time to luxuriate in the moment and be really proud of what I’ve done. Well, this time, I could.
Then when our little island was declared Covid free and our lives returned to almost normal for a few months, safe in our little bubble with our borders closed,I’d never been busier and had some really amazing gigs that I might not have had if the folks of the island weren’t really gagging for a good time like never before! It was quite a whirlwind. I even found time for a sneaky shag or several! Then came Christmas and suddenly we were round to celebrating another new year, but I’m absolutely delighted that, despite all the negative stuff that happened (including that disastrous hookup I wrote about), I managed to leave 2020 with a sense of achievement (even when that disastrous hookup pops back into my head). Not only that, but I formed some new professional relationships and laid some exciting groundwork for wherever the hell I’m heading next. And I love that I can say that, yet at the same time, I look around and feel almost guilty at what I managed to forge while so many around the world have had a truly awful year.
Everything seemed to start off on fire in California and Australia in the early part of 2020, which is definitely not what you want. I know we all complain about the cold here in winter, but seriously, fire is most certainly not what we had in mind. Then came the virus that swept across the world in what seemed like nanoseconds, then we found out you could apparently go to certain historical castles for an eye test, even though you’re supposed to be locked down. Burt apparently, that’s OK as long as you make up a really shit excuse and hold a press conference in someone else’s garden mumbling away about how you don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. No wonder he looks like he’s constantly got the look of someone who’s pee’d his pants in the middle of delivering a poetry reading at a school assembly! Even more unfathomable was still managing to keep his job after rubbing a nation’s face in it that he thought he was above the law! But I digress...
Then we had a multitude of political shenanigans across the pond. Cancel culture reached its ugliest, friends and family members could no longer hold different views without becoming hostile, apparently. It’s probably not even to do with the cabin fever from every country being in some sort of quarantine either, but people decided they were going to start snatching weaves and taking names worse than a wig sale in hell! There were riots all over for long overdue race equality, then fights with people who thought they were completely correct to trample on the rights of others without realising how dreadful a person that makes them, then came a lot of blame shifting, - but lets not forget, parts of the world were STILL on fire and there was a rampant virus circulating a this point!
Then came the very loud science deniers and the Karens and the folks arguing against wearing masks that there’s no good reason not to wear, even going as far as to deny the virus exists and that it’s no threat, despite evidence to the contrary literally surrounding them. And I won’t even get into politics, as that’s dangerous. Also, there aren’t enough sequins for my liking. Though, for a short time yet, there’s still bad fake tan and disastrous hairpieces, so maybe it’s not so far away from my world after all! It all culminated in a vote for the new president that seemed to take up a good chunk of the year. I swear Cher’s farewell tour was over quicker and that was like, eleven years! Either way, I’ve never seen two old men maintain an election for so long.
Oh and to top it off, we were encouraged to pay key workers in claps and cheers instead of an actual appropriate wage.
So, that basically sums up 2020. Fires, viruses, violence, alternative facts, denial of science, trampling on the rights of others and basically a very stark contrast between the best and the worst of humanity. Oh, and some documentary about a tiger and a guy with a mullet. That happened too.
Also, Cher’s still doing great work and rescuing lonely elephants now. No really, that was another thing she did! Maybe if I carry on eating the way I have been, she’ll come rescue THIS lonely elephant too! Hey Cher, I’m ready when you are!
Wherever you are, however it’s been for you, I’m choosing to look at my year from an angle of positivity. Even if you look at everything that went on and that positive is “Thank Christ I just stayed inside!” Honestly, the way some folk were carrying on, you’d think they were being asked to do something impossible by being asked to stay at home – plot twist: it’s actually pretty easy! All you’re being asked to do is sit on your arse, not go to work, snack while wearing no pants, maybe occasionally speak to someone on the phone and also the gift of being able to have a good old wank at your leisure. When you put it like that, it’s no great hardship. Yes, we’re all missing people and some of our activities and now that my island is back in lockdown too, I get it, but we’re going to get through this. Make the best of it, find a positive, use the phone (or internet) instead of face to face chats and treat yourself to a good old finger. The biscuit or the self love kind, up to you. Probably best not to do those at the same time, hey. I don’t want you thinking Vida told you to stick chocolate biscuits up your... Either way, here we are. When it feels hopeless, just remember, there IS something we can do about it: We can stay at home and find some positives.
So, that’s THIS queen’s speech! It’s not all that bad being a queen really, even ifone is locked in ones palace again. Right, best dash, one of the corgis has shat on the fucking rug again... Oh, and the Royal Hairdresser also wants me to tell you to leave your fucking hair alone. Your stylist will know if you’ve box dyed it and will secretly hate you. Besides, no-one’s looking at you right now anyway.
You know the drill, stay safe, stay sane and stay... Vidalicious! Also, stay at home, treat yourself well and don’t forget to smile!
