A confession from a mid-life, bi-curious fantasy cumslut

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I have learnt two very shocking things about my sexuality recently, things that I just didn't realise before. I know we're all growing and developing and are on a journey to somewhere. But I'm in my mid 50s, I've been married twice, and so have had plenty of times to discover myself. But it really is amazing how much we hide from ourselves. If I could call them kinks, then I've closeted these kinks away so much I managed to fool myself they weren't there.



My first new found love is cum. That's is my cum in particular, not just to look at but also to eat. It started with watching a 'cei joi' porn clip (that means 'cum eating instruction/jerk off instruction'). It wasn't so much the cum eating that got me watching, it was the actor in the video, she was amazing - I'd felt I would do literally anything for her (and still would!). I must admit it had been floating around in my head already, so I didn't need much encouragement. I've tasted it before, sometimes after an ex had blown me, we'd kiss and I'd taste it then, and I think at the time it had been an unacknowledged guilty pleasure. In my mind, though, I thought I somehow shouldn't. But here was me doing it myself, scooping the cum with my fingers as it flowed down my cock and putting it straight into my mouth. Who'd have known? It was good!


It's now become a habit. Whereas for years my choice of happy ending has been a tissue or on my stomach (if masturbating), I now find it fun to anticipate what happens after the climax. Not just the cumming but the cum as well. Its combination of salty-sweet creaminess with a kick of male spice, all I can say is fuck me! I now have fantasy after fantasy of where this may take me in sex play, such as coming on a woman's tits and then licking it up and sharing it with her in a kiss. Or after a blowjob. Or best of all, after fucking if I come in her pussy I then lick up all her juices and sweet spots (perhaps to climax) with the combination of both of us in that heavenly place. Perhaps we will then kiss and share the pleasure, as we lie holding each other together, body to body.


My second discovery perhaps emerged from my allowing myself to recognise my love of cum. Again, I sort of knew this but never found what it meant (in fact I'm still learning, it's early days). I let myself watch some gay porn, watching men blow and jerk off each other and I began to feel how I'd like to be part of that. I think that's been part of my enjoyment of porn, not only watching women but also men, thinking how I'd like to be giving that blowpp} job instead of her. I like cum and I like cocks, and love the thought of licking and sucking and taking its load in my mouth. I don't like the big cocks that come out in porn, I like ones of an average size (or smaller) that I could get my mouth around. To lick the throbbing head, and taste the precum. To feel the climax building and then for it to erupt into my mouth. Scummy!


I also like women, that's no different. I'd say I am bi-curious, since this has not happened with me yet. I look at so many men and think what it may be like, and my head shouts 'nah, I couldn't'. (And then I look at Idris Elba, and think 'oh, yes please!') My biggest problem is I find so many women are beautiful, the softness, the curves, the sweet pussy juices. I rarely see a man who can compete with this, I find a lot of masculinity a big turn off. But cocks are another thing, a cock on its own is beautiful. I know how it feels, and I remember hearing a gay man once say 'imagine if you were blown by a man, who already has a cock, who knows what he's doing and how to pleasure you'. I'm sure that's not always true, and I've never had any complaints about oral from a woman. But the thought of it excites me.


It also excites me to think of sharing this pleasure. To be in an mmf threesome, perhaps the two men at each end - one fucking her pussy from behind and the other her mouth. What pleasure she must feel! And the men too of course. But also for us two men to both have our cocks in her mouth, either alternating between us or at the same time, feeling not only her tongue and mouth but also each other. Or for us to horse play (I think it's called 'jousting') in front of her, perhaps guided by her, as she rubs our hard cocks together. Wow! Just so long as I get to taste some of the cum at the end, perhaps from both of us in her pussy. And my fantasies take this yet further, of a threesome in which I am both receiving and giving a blowjob - with the woman's mouth on my cock, and my mouth greedily devouring the man's. This is all good, and maybe one day I'll get to live this out. Life is too short to miss out.


So, I am in my 50s and I came very close to dying last year. One lesson I learned from that is to take things as I want them to be, to find what I want and who I am. Perhaps the illness, operation, and the sedatives loosened up my mind. I don't care, this is where I am and I'm not complaining. Or at least, it's just that it's all virtual and fantasy at the moment, not least because of covid.


As I write this I know there will be many straight men who just haven't got this far, I'll probably have lost them an the cum eating. And there'll probably be as many women thinking, 'oh yeh, didn't you know this - that it's all part of the fun'. It's taken me so long to acknowledge that cocks and cum are both beautiful things, for both women and men.


And so at last, what I do know now, is that alongside and within my love and worship of women, I am also a bi-curious fantasy cumslut, and it feels very exciting!

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