The Don juan Complex
Don Juan is seductive and brilliantly intelligent. Women are notice him immediately in society. He is charming. He relies on his charm in order to attract their attention and to give them the impression that he has all the qualities they are looking for. He has an extraordinary power over women; he can make them feel again and they usually fall for it and into his arms at his very first gesture.
Sometimes a single look is enough and the woman falls in love with him. When he asks you out you think that you won big. But you are soon disappointed. You find out that he courted all the other women before you, including your friends, in the same way.
Yet you tell yourself and try not to loose faith, “He will be different with me”. Then you realize that idealizing Don Juan is a big mistake. He is just like most of the others, egotistical, liars and they destroy the feelings of their present lover without mercy. If you felt that special kind of magic from somebody like that you probably asked yourself, “What exactly does he want? What is he looking for in a woman?” That is because “professional” seducers convince you that you are “the only woman in their life” and then they leave you without any remorse!
Psychologists analyzed the behavior of Don Juan and reached the conclusion that he loves to collect conquests but that he does not really love any of them. They act this way because despite the certainty that they show they are fragile and unsteady. They permanently feel the need to be flattered, to be complimented; they have to be sure of their woman’s love for them and they don’t even realize that they play tricks in order to get her.
They act instinctually. “When I am alone”, one of these men confesses, “I realize that I’m invalid. I had all the women I wanted, some of them were very beautiful. A lot of them really loved me, but I hadn’t loved any. I’m lonely even beside my present lover with whom I have a perfect physical relation.”
Be careful, ladies: even if your Don Juan seems like an unhappy man (this makes a woman feel, beside other things, like a protective mother), don’t forget that he doesn’t get close to anybody except maybe for a very short period of time.
Peter Trachtenberg is a psychologist who specializes in sexuality and he analyzed the “Casanova Complex”. First of all the “skirt-chasers” know the art of seduction perfectly. They know what makes a woman go completely crazy from just a look. Don Juan will first compliment her, “You look so good in this dress! The green really brings out the color of your eyes!”
Other times he will notice you changed your haircut and you will be overwhelmed with compliments. He will idolize your lips, your breasts; will praise your perfect body. He’s got a lot of lines in his bag of tricks and it is not hard for him to use them all.
He undresses a woman with his eyes. Everything is related to physical attraction for him. He will say anything for her to give it up. He doesn’t waste time with preludes though he knows them by heart. If they are married they cheat their on their wife without remorse. They don’t care about the suffering they cause and don’t even take measures in order to not be discovered. A Don Juan hardly ever falls in love. His love is ephemeral because he can’t stop himself from watching and conquering other women. What is “new” and “exciting” is what he lives for.
He is capable of making up any truths for the beautiful eyes of his present lover. Truths that he really believes in but that last only a month or two, for exactly how long the relation lasts.
Sometimes they are romantic. They really know how to convince a woman using original Love theories. “Love requires generosity, exigencies and obligations”, says a Don Juan. But not for him, of course. They sometimes pretend to have “terrible professional obligations” so as to give you as little time as possible. He invites you to a very expensive restaurant; gives you champagne and even a gift. As soon as you gave it up he ends spoiling you.
He is a man “damned” by his own vision on love, by his particular conception on love. They are exigent, exacting people as far the erotic act is concerned. And they ask their lovers to fulfil a lot of fantasies for them. Some forbid their women to wear a bra in order to admire their breasts through a transparent blouse. Others behave like an animal during intercourse or are jealous but only to prove that they own the woman, to show that they are ” great masters” in the art of seduction.
They like to brag about “doing exactly what they wanted with their woman”. Meanwhile the woman is in love with them and is convinced that this is real love.
Peter Trachtenberg has a piece of advice for all women that fell in love with a Don Juan, “Try to be lucid for at least a little while. Even if you think he really loves you, be aware in order to not get “burnt”.”
