Some helpful advice for fakes, scammers and con artists (Satire)
As us bona fide members continue to bite the bullet during the current pandemic and try to behave responsibly, it is natural that our site activity has declined in recent months, and I’m no exception. Doubtless as we all feel rather depressed and bored (as well as frustrated), it’s perhaps not surprising that the more unscrupulous out there in the big wide world have sought to exploit our vulnerability. And sure enough, never in my decade-plus presence on the site has my profile been the target of so much “fake interest” 🙂 As a result, I’ve become something of an expert in “fake spotting”, as the vast majority of these bogus profiles tend to have a number of features in common. In fact I’ve become so used to these features that I’m now able to eliminate about 99% of these “profiles” from further inquiry by a simple glance at the drop-down selection revealed by clicking on the “Notifications” icon at the top. This task is made much easier if the profile in question has a photo attached rather than just an avatar (I’ll explain more about this below). So……for the edification of these shadowy figures who lurk behind the current slew of bogusness (irrespective of agenda), here are some helpful hints:
1.If you attach a photo, try to ensure that it is not a crystal clear, professionally taken face pic of someone who is obviously a model and too ludicrously attractive to be true. Either that or a stock photo of a middle-aged woman that was obviously taken so many years ago that it has developed loss of contrast, or browning or slight yellowing with age. Hairstyles can be revealing too – especially if they are from the 80s/90s 🙂 Avatar-only profiles are trickier, but can soon be eliminated by the features below.
2.Try to ensure that the opening header of your profile does not consist of a block of seemingly random text in bold font with/without a clumsy attempt to include a mail address.
3.Try to ensure that your UK “address” matches what you say in your text. For example, if your address is “Manchester”, don’t write “I’m in the Baltimore area”.
4.Fill in all - or at least most - of your Personal Details. The vast majority of bogus profiles have only three lines completed: Body decoration, Breast size and Travel. And even for those, the entry is generally “Prefer not to say”. Not very informative, right?
5.Among the species actually bearing personal details, one recurring item of info is that the lady is 6ft11in in height (sic). Upon inquiry about this in a PM, there will no explanation and instead there’ll be a (machine censored) attempt to supply a contact address.
6.Try not to make it too obvious that you are based abroad and probably have a cultural background totally different from the UK person you are purporting to represent. For example if your profile shows someone who could probably be Gladys swigging some stout down at the local pub, it’s not a good idea to include phrases such as “God-fearing” or “I’m single never married”. On a site like this, marital status is irrelevant, so whether or not you have ever been married does not compute, even though it might be a big deal in your culture.
7.Don’t write “Ages doesn’t bother me at all”. For a start it shows English is not your forte, and secondly, if it is directed at a middle-aged bloke like me, he will automatically get suspicious, especially if the profile pic shows a 20-something who is a model :-)
8.Don’t send a slew of “interest” involving similar profiles within a short space of time. This morning I got three, and they were all from Truro :-)
9.Don’t hover online all the time (with the little green light on) waiting for a response, especially when most normal people in UK are asleep in bed. It’s too obvious you are based in another time zone.
10.If someone actually responds to your profile with a PM, don’t try to give your Hangouts contact info or say that “all your photos are on another site”. It just begs the question of why you couldn’t make life simpler by just supplying all the info here.
11.Try to be a bit original. If a guy sees 37 profiles all with the following text, then it doesn’t exactly inspire confidence, does it? :
"I am looking for a man aged 18-90. I am 4ft11in and will travel for hookups."
I think that just about covers the basics. Hope it has been helpful to all members - whether they be real or fake :-))
