Find Your Thing! Why I’m an entertainer.
When people ask me why I became an entertainer, I have several answers. Firstly, it’s my passion. It brings me joy in a way nothing else does. Secondly, it brings joy to other people and seeing them enjoying themselves is a buzz in itself. Third, I think I’m pretty good at it. At least people still keep paying me to do it, so I guess I must be doing something right. There’s also some added bonuses to being an established performer like getting to do more work for good causes and having a platform to spread some good old fashioned cheer – and we all know how much that’s needed nowadays!
Now, you’ll have seen a video I did a little while ago about gig nightmares and it’s true that once in a while you’ll have a night as a performer where you wonder why the hell you bother. Either it’ll be a tough crowd or you’ll have one or two obnoxious people ruining it for you and everyone else, but you just learn to get over it and give the best you’ve got. Chances are, the crowd aren’t even aware of the things distracting you and they’re still having a great time. But those things aren’t worth dwelling on. What I’m going to discuss today is what reminds you of WHY you do it. Those nights where you feel so fantastic during and after a show that you’re completely on top of the world!
Performing isn’t easy. Some people think that it’s just a case of turning up, pressing play and picking up a microphone, but there’s so much that goes into it before you’re even ready. First, at least a week in advance for even the smallest gig, I’m agonising about what I’m going to wear. I’m lucky enough to have built up a moderate stage wardrobe, but if it’s a gig somewhere I’ve done before, I need to remember what I wore last time to make sure I don’t take the same things. In an hour, there’s normally three outfit changes so plenty to pack and carry. Three outfits usually means three wigs too, which have to be tidied or even completely restyled beforehand (and you have to carry them pinned to big wig-heads too). Then I have to plan my set list and work out what’s going to play in between while I change. Then on the day itself there’s no eating after three if I’m on stage at eight, but I’ll probably pack a nibble for after the show. At some point there’ll be a sound check to make sure everything works ok. Then there’s the hour and a half getting into makeup, which I prefer to do nice and slowly as part of the ritual to get ready (if it’s rushed, I can feel it and I don’t feel right all night) and not to mention all the layers we talked about in the undergarments video. I do try and at least have my tights on before leaving the house as it’s a lot easier putting them on with a bed to lie on than it is standing god knows where. Needless to say, it’s not just something one dives into at the drop of a hat. This is probably why you so rarely see drag shows start on time!
The great thing is, when you step out there and you hear the cheers when they lay eyes on you – or even better, when your intro music starts to play because they know what’s coming – there’s just this incredible feeling that washes over you and it’s the best thing in the world! That moment is magical and sets you up for the whole night. Even if you’re exhausted from the day and all the prep work, that moment just completely rejuvenates you. You just have to make it to your marker without tripping or getting a heel caught in the hem of your gown or anything. That’s not as easy as it looks either!
When you get a good crowd, the energy just builds and builds. You’re feeding off them, they’re feeding off you and the atmosphere is amazing. There are smiles everywhere. It’s the opposite of those dreadful nights where there’s no energy. Like, when I first started in this dive of a club that had once been great, you’d start the night playing to a crowd of five people if you were lucky, which was absolutely soul destroying. You have no idea how hard it is to be funny to an empty room, giving it your all and getting no energy back. I always say that the people who’ve turned up have made the effort to come and therefore deserve the same show that a full house would get, so you’ve got to put that smile on and go for it. It gave me such an attack of confidence in my early career, but now I know it wasn’t me, but things like a club’s poor promotion or just a desperately slow night. Hey, it happens. Fortunately, not very often for me anymore.
The greatest thing being an entertainer has done for me is letting me actually do some good work for charity so I can actually do something for causes I care about. I’ve always been involved with charity work in some form, but it’s nice to actually have a use rather than just being able to do some little background bits that I could do like painting a sign or making cups of tea. Now I actually get to feel more useful and do events that can make a difference. It just lets me do more and that feels good. Honestly, I hate to sound preachy, but goodwill is contagious! When you go out and do something good, it’s one of the best highs you can have and even better if you can get others to pass it on too!
So when I get out there and know that I’m doing something good, be it just putting a smile of some faces or raising some money for a good cause, it makes me happy. I know I’m doing something worthwhile. I’m useful. Performing is what I always wanted to do and coming from a small place, it took a long while to get onto the right track and make it happen. Years and years in fact. As I say, I always knew entertaining was what I wanted to do, but it wasn’t til I discovered drag that I realised that it was the missing piece of the puzzle. All the failed attempts had never worked out until suddenly there was sequins and makeup. I was thirty years old by the time all the pieces fell into place and Vida was born and it was at least another year before my career really got going. The funny thing is, I think part of it was to do with timing. Those pieces couldn’t have come together without all the failures and the experience I’d picked up along the way that’s made me who I am. The things that toughened me up and shaped my view of what I wanted to be and how I could get there. So, every time I step out on stage, I have a pride in myself for putting all those pieces together and finding what I’m good at and most of all for the hard work I did to get there. It’s true, everything tastes sweeter when you’ve worked hard for it. Now, I look at the body of work I’ve made and the stuff that’s on the way and the fact that I always want to learn new things and that fills me with joy and excitement. After years of being lost and, I’ll admit it, a little bit aimless, I know who I am. It took a hell of a journey, shattering right down to rock bottom and having to completely rebuild, but I did it. And I’m grateful of that every time I do what I do.
So those nights that really remind you of why you do it is exactly why you do it. All then things that show you what you’re capable of if you work for it. The smiles on peoples faces and the exchange of energy that happens under that spotlight. That’s why I do it. To make people smile and as a reminder that I’m not as useless and aimless as I used to think. I can build something and I can be successful if I put my mind to it. I always knew I’d never find my calling in a suit or sitting in an office because not all of us are cut out for that – and that’s ok. There’s too much pressure pushing people into those jobs that when we don’t fit, we end up feeling like there’s something wrong with us. That’s not the case at all. Some of us just aren’t meant to do that. It explains so much now that I know that.
They say that everyone has that one thing that makes them feel like that. If you’ve found yours then you’ll know what I mean. If you haven’t, maybe the pieces are all there and they’re just waiting for that spark. But when you find it, it’s going to feel great. Don’t give up, even if it takes a few false starts along the way, keep hunting for it and you’ll find it.
Say it with me: Find your thing!
