In the beginning, there was darkness.

DanScott

It's been a long ride since that first shag... A knee trembler in the youth club basement with a girl who was most likely as inexperienced as I was.
I'm sure the whole thing was also as disappointing to her as it was to me. Two clueless teenagers fumbling about in the dark, damp cellar, it must have taken all of 2 minutes from start to finish and it didn't inspire me to seek out intercourse again for about a year.
I did however have one more experience at that youth club that must have had some effect on me over the years.
I was flirting with a girl I'd known for a while and we ended up outside together. The talk got around to sex quite quickly and she admitted she had never had it and didn't know if she wanted to but was curious to find out more about boys.
During the conversation I mentioned that a guy's cock isn't all that scary and offered to show her mine. Nervously she said yes and I whipped it out proudly showing her. I vividly remember the look on her face as she kept glancing down and then quickly looking away in embarrassment... I was also embarrassed but I was actually enjoying the feeling.
I told her I'd make it hard for her so she could see how big they get and I started to rub it. As it got bigger her embarrassment obviously subsided and her eyes widened. At one point she even bent down to get a closer look.
I was so full of myself at this point and loving the attention that I said "watch me wank myself until I cum" (I knew it wouldn't take long as this was only my second real sexual experience and I was enjoying this more than I had the previous year when having sex with the other girl).
She giggled but agreed and watched intently for a few minutes while I wanked off and looked at her looking at me. Eventually I shot my load and she almost yelped with excitement at the sight. This was a good 30 years before I became aware of the CFNM scene which seems to follow this kind of scenario closely.
So, my point is that this experience left me knowing that I enjoyed being an exhibitionist but also that 'encounters' didn't have to involve intercourse to be fun and memorable. This made getting girlfriends quite easy in my youth as I was never pressuring girls to having sex. I could get my kicks from 'nearly moments' or engineer situations (going swimming at the local reservoir etc.) where I could 'accidentally' let them see me getting changed to swim or even blatantly being naked around them without placing demands or pressure on them to do anything about it. Hell, I could and would always have a wank later while recounting the experience in my mind. This also really developed my sense of fantasy, anticipation and imagination. Even now my thoughts when wanking are most usually about the "what could have beens" and rarely about the "ones that happened".
As I grew up and got more independent, I would take many opportunities for naturism (usually risky in quiet but public places as there are no legitimate facilities around where I grew up).
Sadly I spent 10 years of my life from being 17 to being 27 in a mostly sexless relationship (one that I should have got out of a lot sooner than I did) and this certainly severely restricted the experience I had in giving pleasure to girls. It wasn't until after I got divorced that I really started to appreciate the finer points of giving pleasure and wow it was so much fun to learn and is still so much fun to practice. Yes, I'd had a few illicit encounters with random girls while I was married and I had sneaked around doing my own thing (the naturism), but these were essentially all selfish acts who's purpose was to satisfy me. Only when I had my own place and freedom to entertain girls without any rush did I start to appreciate the pure pleasure of making a woman orgasm over and over.
Yes, I like to cum too, but my orgasm is an intense tightening of muscles for a few seconds, a woman's orgasm on the other hand can go on for sooooooo long and I developed not only a taste, nay craving for the taste of pussy (It's still my most favourite thing) but a mind space where I can get more pleasure from her orgasm than from my own.

So everything that has gone before has lead me to where I am now (cays captain obvious!)... There are more blanks to fill in and I hope to do that over the following days/weeks/months.

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