Why do I call myself a "Gentle" Dom?
Why do I call myself a gentle Dom?
Well it's not because I spank gently, far from it.One of the things I have noticed when I've been on sites like this one is that many of the, I presume mostly younger, men seem to be mysoginists (spelt right?).They often appear to have no respect for women or get what this is about at all. If you're a woman reading this I'm sure you'll have had a "Submit to me s***" message with no preamble or attempt to get to know you. If they could get away with it, do you think they'd be worried about consent? Now I'm not claiming moral superiority here, over the years I haven't always treated the women I've known with the respect they deserve (I'm married FFS, what am I even doing here?) and I've been guilty of objectification and, well, been a dickhead.But when it comes to BDSM, the thing that gets me off is the perversity. That the woman I'm with has consented to what I'm doing to her and that she is getting off on being treated that way.That being spanked makes her wet, that being told what to do makes her tremble. The sheer wrongness of it all makes it so right. Which is why safewords are important to me. A tearful woman, yelping with pain wouldn't normally excite me, but when I know that until I hear that word, she is getting off on it, she WANTS it, then it makes me hard. Which also, counterintuitively, makes me a pleaser rather than a taker. I listen, and watch and (try at least) to ensure she is getting what she needs. Yes I'm in charge, and yes I get an outlet for my inner perverted sadist, but within a framework of consensual non-consent that makes it safe for both of us to satisfy our need for deviancy. The marks I leave should be temporary, not cause permanent damage, physical, or mental.
And then there is aftercare, there should always be time for cuddles and reassurance. Time for both to come back down to earth. Time for a little tenderness.
So I hope that didn't come over as pompous, and maybe I'm just stating the bleeding obvious, but that's why I call myself a gentle Dom.
