So I thought I'd share some thoughts on 'experts'.
There are differing opinions out there about BDSM and in mine, it really is not what is characterised in movies like 'Fifty Shades of Grey'. For instance, when a sub says 'no', the session should stop, regardless of how turned on the DOM is feeling at that point in time. 'No' means 'No' in any sexual encounter, regardless of when the word is uttered. In the movie, the characterisation suggests that even if she says no, he will simply gag her and continue inflicting pain. Well, I guess Hollywood has to make a buck or two. Which brings me to 'experts'. People often portray themselves as experts in their given field, but what exactly entitles them to use the term? The dictionary defines an expert as someone who has a great deal of knowledge or skill in a particular area. The next question therefore is, why do so many of them get it wrong - and most of the time? What if I told you that a self-proclaimed expert in BDSM wrote the following: 'Would a man still want to be a Dominant even if it meant there would be absolutely no sex involved? If a man cannot separate being a DOM from the sexual aspects of the BDSM lifestyle, then perhaps his reasons for wanting to be a DOM are just a bit superficial.' I liked that statement when I first saw it about 4 years ago. You may then imagine my disappointment when you read the following. What if I told you that this same 'expert' was recently sentenced to 2 years imprisonment for having a D/s sexual relationship with a minor? Surely if one is to proclaim themselves an expert in anything the have a responsibility to live up to the ethos of the culture they are claiming to be an expert in? And here's where I may offend any purists or experienced DOMs. Such is life.In my experience, some DOMs think that BDSM is about manipulating and controlling the sub for their own sexual gratification. In my opinion, it isn't. This may be the role-play involved, but I do not think it is the essence of the culture. For instance, if one considers the Japanese art of Shibari, this is an artform which if administered correctly by a bondage master, can leave the sub feeling euphoric and create the most exquisite sensual experience. However, rope bondage, if not administered correctly - or dare I say 'expertly' - can be dangerous. It can go wrong, just a****hoking can go wrong. As Dirt****rry once said: 'A man should know his limitations'. That doesn't mean we shouldn't strive to surpass them, but let's keep everyone safe shall we?Hence, I am more on the softer side of D/s. I believe it's about pleasing the sub, even to the extent that sometimes, the sub doesn't need penetrative sex, they need fulfilment. I think it takes an unselfish DOM to attempt to give a sub what they need. Penetrative sex is great between people who at least like each other, but it's a destroyer of humanity if misused, and again in my opinion, there are predators on apps just as there are predators in the world of D/s relationships. Trust needs to be earned before you submit to anything. It's your body. Your rules. Stay safe.
