Well that’s what dating and courting and engagement are for. Get to know them before your locked in.
When we love someone we love their bad bits too.
The interesting thing is when dating someone who is not really right basically because in truth they don’t love you but you love them but it’s not reciprocated, not really, and it’s very hard to read if your a loving giving soul but over time it will become a pattern of you constantly turning a blind eye, constantly ignoring things. The more you love them the harder it is to discern why it’s just not gelling.. and they KNOW it, they know you love them and will get bolder in skewing things in their favour. Eventually they will do something revealing and then you know for sure because when you love them you don’t want to make a mistake of leaving them and missing out on a future relationship. Now the key is how do they deal with it when you tell them ... you’ve probably already told your issues and they may adjust but over time this too feels like you are changing them and they may try but eventually they can’t keep doing it. So either your not compatible and no amount of love will cover it OR they don’t really love you, not really. Now why don’t they get upset, frustrated or whatever. It feels like “gee why is it me who gets upset” and they seem to be so smooth and calm about it. Because they have someone or something else or an escape plan or contingency plans; these domains normally are reserved for marrieds in the long slow process of breaking up.
So they are not ALL IN but you are. So now you’ve got to try and get them to take some risk , pay some cost in any way whatever. If they are clever they won’t do it. Nope!
If you really love this guy I would suggest gently talking, letting him know what you want. But it sounds like he doesn’t love u much either. If u really love each other it’s a gentle process of blending. But many simply refuse and deep down are happy without you.
Above, when I said they have another it doesnt just mean another lover or close friend, it could be family, children , a parent, a hobby, anything which comes between you both.
Having said all that when you do find true love you will be amazed. Then it’s crystal clear the other didn’t love you hardly at all. When someone loves you it’s very obvious and can be easily taken advantage of, easily. But true souls don’t do that.
They may even love u a bit ( the one your unsure of and u just can’t pin down what is missing) but not with ABANDON. Now I don’t say to love with abandon unconditionally. It’s very dangerous; you still can love with abandon BUT also protect yourself from potential destruction.
This is why it’s so important to make sure both are taking risk and putting in. If only one puts in and it builds then it becomes easier and more attractive for the other who pulls all strings just like in business with bad debtors, if u let it go too high, hey presto they just go “Thankyou bye bye”, “nice knowing you”, and get away Scot free.
This is why marrying rich to poor is almost a no win for the risk taker .. rich women know and become adulterers or spinsters as do rich men, finding and giving and receiving true love is a miracle in today’s world. ❤️
If this helps you please say so or give feed back because we all need encouragement 😊
