Sometimes it's frustrating to explain what BDSM is all about to a pure vanilla who is intent on understanding what it is. The idea of s.adism through pain comes to mind right away, and you can blame it on those films depicting p.risoners treated harshly in medieval d.ungeons. That is a common stereotype but the practice is actually really extensively varied.
I myself would have liked to take a willing subject and c.rack a w.hip as he or she begs to be pleasured with it, but it sounds more theatrical than practical enough to provide mutual satisfaction.
BDSM does not always include penetrative sex. As for me being more into the sensual side of it, the stimulation games precede actual coupling.
Sometimes people just don't get the idea that handing my partner rope, blindfold, and toys will do it for me. A few times, prospects have approached me and assumed that I would enjoy being in the receiving end. Big mistake, because it means they missed the word SWITCH in my profile description. They should have used the discussion to explore rather than run off a list of things that they want to do to me, instead of WITH me.
For the record, I have always acknowledged one Dom in my kinky life. He knows me and all it takes for me to be asking for his control. But since we never had a dedicated arrangement, I ventured into finding those types of players here.
At the core, BDSM involves one person exercising power and control, with the permission of the subject. At what point does giving someone permission even begin? I believe it's a shared interest in the kind of pleasures being enjoyed. That comonality. Then comes the realization that the partner's sizeable experience would ensure the success of the play itself, no matter what the risks may be. All sane, safe, and consensual.
Think of a BDSM scene as a three-act play. It involves the setting up and rising of action (stimulation), the climax, and the falling action (which is the equivalent of aftercare). Now, you can't stage this kind of play with just amateurs who are still going through an audition. Rules have to made, agreements secured.
Sometimes, this is how some of the conversations I had in the past actually turned into..like screening for auditions. However, what I need are experienced players.
Is there any chance for potentials? Perhaps, as long as they are kinky and sensual all throughout. People who are sensitive to their own bodies and their needs and are keen on sensing what their partners desire to be fulfilled. More important, people who are curious and take the initiative to learn as well as know where to start, that is...by understanding what their deepest, darkest desire is?
I can't enjoy BDSM play with someone who is clueless as to what he or she wants. And even if I'd arrange for such a meet, the pre-meet discussion can be lengthy. It's a lot shorter if there is already some experience with it, and the discussion would focus on establishing limits instead.
Granted, people may want to have their first (learning) experience with me, but these are my expectations:
1. Be responsible for your research and learning.
2. Don't just say you are open-minded...be KINKY. What have you been doing to your sexy holes?
3. What are your fantasies? What scene/s come to mind?
4. What are your absolute limits? Saying 'I don't like p.ain' or 'I don't enjoy giving oral' is already a deal breaker.
5. Invest in time. These things are not meant to be treated like quickies.
6. Since you approached me, you have to trust me to take the lead. Listen, and stick to the script when we meet. Follow the rules.
7. You fit the bill (I like guys who are fit, hung, and perform well in bed. Ladies who are bisexual are more fun to play with).
Do they seem restrictive? Don't be surprised, because BDSM isn't for everyone. If you like things to be 'safe', then stick to being vanilla.
