You wouldn't think it to look at me, but I'm fragile; I break quite easily. Life hasn't been great to me, I keep being given lemons and I don't know how to make lemonade out of them. I seem to stumble from calamity to calamity; something nice would happen then I'd get a kick in the teeth. I'd pick myself up and get another kick. Not be able to pick myself up as much and get another kick. Until any time I lifted my head it would be shoved back down into... into what? My miserable excuse of a life? A mere existence? Well, that comes fairly close I suppose. Eventually I decided that I wasn't going to get up again, I was fed up being hurt.
Although I'm great at keeping promises made to other people, I'm rubbish at keeping those made to myself. It took me about 2 years to emerge from one self-imposed exile and almost immediately I was in love and deliriously happy. That made the fall that much harder when, out of the blue, I was sent packing. Now, 7 years later, after again having promised myself "Never again!" I have come out of my psychological fortress and started looking for love. My expectations are non-existant; history has taught me that I will possibly be led on, but when it comes to the crunch he will bolt.
I've now joined some agencies to look for a boyfriend and the preliminaries have started with a few guys. They send messages or chat on the IM a few times and that's the last I ever hear from them. My hopes are lifted because a man actually has the strength of character to pick me to send messages to or chat with, but this time I have no expectations of anything going further. My new motto is "Expect nothing (because that's all you're ever going to get!"
