So what is the difference between a submissive and a total servant
A submissive is someone who negotiates at the start of an agreement; a total servant does not.
A submissive has limits; a total servant has given up all limits except those which his/her owner sets for them.
A submissive obeys and serves by being told and wants to each time and retains her will. A total servant initially makes a choice to obey his/her master/mistress at all times and then submits to the will of his/her master at all times.
A submissive accepts submission, while a total servant accepts obedience.
A submissive has retained some rights within the context of the D/s relationship, whereas a total servant has given up all rights and becomes, in effect, property.
A submissive is owned, but a total servant is possessed.
A total servant is not allowed to sit on furniture or wear clothes, and always kneels at his/her owner’s feet.
A submissive has a safe-word to end play, while a total servant having consented to no-consent.
A total servant must be a submissive, but a submissive is not necessarily a total Servant.
Being a submissive is just a step on the way to the “ultimate” state of submission, which is being a total servant.
A total servant is more submissive than a “mere” submissive. Submissive are just playing; at being a total servant live the lifestyle.
A submissive has more self-respect than a total servant.
What a submissive and a total servant have in common. Both have a deep need/desire to submit/surrender/give up at least some part of their will/control/power to a Dominant. They most often “need” this because pleasing and/or offering service to a Dominant who has earned their trust, their respect and (generally) their love, is an integral part of a submissive/total servant fulfilment and satisfaction a submissive and a total servant are really the same except for the extent to which they submit. A total servant submits more of themselves (all of themselves?) to their owner.
Dominants on one end, submissive s on the other. On the far end of the dominant side are the masters and mistresses, whose personalities and needs to control compel them to take on the added responsibilities that come with “owning” either a total servant or a submissive; further, their experience has earned them the right to that title.
On the other end would be those with submissive personalities, needs and desires. (I differentiate between “desire” and “need.” Desire, to me, is a luxurious word, a word of craving, as in a “desire for chocolate.” I’ve never heard anyone say that they desire food, but always they need food. A “need” is reserved for something you cannot do without. The more a submissive needs to submit (as opposed to merely desiring it), the further out on the slide they go. The more control they need to surrender, the closer they come to being a total servant.
One submissive may find being naked in front of strangers is a huge amount of control to give up – for her. But another who considers himself total servant may feel the nudity isn’t a big deal at all. Another “Total Servant” may consider breath control a hard limit – no way, they will not do it! — while another “submissive” enjoys breath play and does it regularly. And while I personally can enjoy very brutal anal sex (without preparation or lube) even when I am only “bottoming,” another “Total Servant” or “submissive” cannot and will not participate in that activity.
Being a Total Servant to a master –Mistress - If considered one and what they considered them self to be, Is and can be placing all the limits at they master will — By accept polygamy and swinging, which some others who considered themselves could not condone in their own relationships. And also allowing them to control how one is dressed, who one fucks, what toys are can be use, even then always maybe one area that any masters never attempted to control, and total servant would have to be really comfortable and willing to give up but many are not — that of ones personal finances. Yet many total servant believe that you cannot be a “real” total servant if you cannot give over complete control of all areas of your life, including your money.
Do not compare your life —your mind, your heart, your soul — with someone else’s, there will always be something, that takes you or you feel less or more, somehow “lacking” or superior— and in both cases, you are paying more attention to what someone is or isn’t, even yourself, than rejoicing in what you are.
With comparison comes judgement, which can only be based on a personal viewpoint. You cannot unplug yourself from what you know and feel and experience. Judgement is the first step towards prejudice, stereotypes and intolerance. All of which are antithetical to a lifestyle that is based on the need for personal expression and rejects being the need to conform to society’s view of “normality.” We all came here to be who and what we are, not what anyone else told us we should be.
In your journey, one is a submisive because that was what you needed and wanted to be. That is what your master needed and wants of you to be. It was an ideal we both striving for, not a definitive “thing” we would ever be able to achieve. Submission is not a strong enough word for us to contain all the needs and fantasies we wish both shall bring and be brought to this relationship.
So when chose other words other than — Master and total servant — none do or shall seem to convey our goals more clearly.
Whether those words mean the same thing to anyone else is ultimately beside the point. Who should really care whether you, as total servant” sat on the furniture or not? Kneeling or standing, your heart is the same as ours.
We were tailoring our leather outer skins to fit us, not anybody else. And why should we? Those skins were ours, and we would never ask anyone else to wear them.
Submission is a personal journey, always fluid. Total Servant, while “generally” the more extreme end of submission’s sliding end, is more useful as an ideal some strive for. And it doesn’t really matter in the end. What is submission to you may not be submission for any one else. The only definitions that really matter in your life are your own, and the person(s) you serve.
We are, ultimately, the only ones who can decide who and what we are. Do you seek this path to find you, not part from the vanilla norms because those skins do not fit you, not merely to find another set to conform to.
So don’t worry about the difference between submissive and other. It’s purely up to you Stop poking about other people’s wardrobes and concentrate on constructing your own life with us.
