When I was 12.........I thought something wasn.t quite right.
Its difficult to put into words..
I had heard stories at Newark C of E education, something about not being born right?..
and as you know we think differently about things any way.......
So I decided to act on the stories.I asked my dad if I could see my birth certificate.....
I made up some rubbish for the reason (he wasn't too pleased about it though).
He got the certificate out and showed me.looking at it, I made some comment for cover.....
I had seen what I had wanted.Walking away, I said thank you and went to my bedroom....
I cried and cried.....
It had said boyI just was amazed and couldn't sort it out in my mind....
The next few days.....
It got to me....
and I thought ......
NO.........
its got to be wrong, or somethings just not right with it.
So I made plans to experiment for the future.
I saved all my pocket money /birthday /xmas money.....
But so nothing was suspected, I still bought my comic and sweets.
When I was 14 I wrote a small list out and went to Lincoln with my parents.......
They went normal household shopping, I said I was going to Boots and Ruddock's (they sold records etc. then)
I actually went opposite to 2 women's shops and Mawer and Collinghams, with my list.
I went to the lingerie department and asked a lady asistant for help...
Showing the list of things that my "girlfriend" had dared me to get for her.
I had written down knickers, stockings, belt, and bra, suggested makes also sizes and colour black
I had prices in mind but I was lucky with the prices
When I put them on ..............it wasn't a fetish thing not that I knew that word anyway.
It just felt natural.I had a hell of a time hiding the things.
I wrapped them in my normal clothes and had to make sure I kept all my 3 drawers in 6 drawer chest spotless so mum would just leave well alone.
In the next 2 years until I started work I kept check on club books keeping an eye on female fashion, making notes of what worked with what...
I as all youngsters started on a low wage..but I didn't want to buy cheap as I had started with nice things Wonderbra, and other known makes.
To still cover myself I bought my comic and sweets and still put a little money on 1 side for renewing MY lingerie.
I again hit on an idea, to help make things a little more affordable.
That was going to be around my 16th birthday.........
and would change the way I thought from then on.
But sadly something was about to happen a few weeks before my 16th that nearly finished me off as a person.
All i will say on it here is that i ran into HATE.
in a bad way........
it changed my life.
Trouble is, so many bad people nothing happens too them.
Mores the pity.
