Well, the last couple of weeks have been an eye-opener for me. To summarise my profile, I've had submissive feelings for a number of years now and have joined his site to put myself "out there", to admit these feelings to myself and hopefully to find someone who will let me explore this lifestyle - someone to whom I can submit totally.
Well, I'm still looking but I did have an approach from somebody who really opened my eyes and, perhaps, showed me what being totally controlled was. She (and no names, I consider her one of the most wonderful people I have encountered) was totally open to me the moment we first chatted - she wanted a sub she could totally control, someone who would do anything for her. And by anything she meant everything. Me degrade myself totally, to use my ass and mouth to be fucked by men. To meet in hotels or car parks, take their money, be used by them and have this on film so that She could watch my degradation. Now, I'm totally straight and the idea of sex in that way, well, let's say it didn't appeal but, during the days we were together and She started to train me online (and yes, I've had a lot of things up my ass and was made to post public videos of that to this site) I started to crave it. She was going to have another from Her stable take me and I suddenly found that I wanted it, I wanted to be demeaned for my Mistress, I wanted to be beaten, taken, make to suck cock and swallow cum, and to be chained up and caged when She didn't want me any more.
Unfortunately for me, this learning curve was a little too steep, my Mistress decided I was unworthy. I was denied the chance to serve. But I know that if she came back to me and gave me another chance I would crawl to her and submit to anything she wished. And love every minute.
This may well be the only chance I get to serve properly and, if so, I will regret it. An opportunity missed to experience something incredible. I've slept in a bath for the last couple of weeks and am finding it strange - and a little upsetting - to be back in my bed again, writing this.
I would love to be in a position where I can submit to a Mistress full time. Hand over every aspect of my life and be a true submissive. Unfortunately I have responsibilities. A career I need to do well at, a family that I love and want to support in the midst of a marriage breakup with all the financial problems that brings. Enough of that although, of course, a Mistress of mine would be told all the details She'd want to know. But if there is someone out there who wants a someone to submit to Her whilst staying true to those responsibilities, perhaps She might consider this pathetic excuse for a man, and take me on to serve, honour and worship.
Anyone still reading? All I can say is, you deserve a stiff drink. I'm going to join you.....
