Finding My 51st Shade of Gray

Joining this site, I had never intended to find my significant other, only other ways to enjoy bedroom play in different situations. If Mr Right was what I needed, I wouldn't be constantly logged. You see, I have a bucket list (fuck-it list?) saved somewhere, and it was what helped me decide who to meet and what sort of things we could do.

So game mode on, emotions checked and deactivated. I am no celebrated Siren but the profile, pics, and reviews have been working in my favor and I kept on innovating some wild ideas and looking for the right players.   

Deep down, though, lay the question...Is Mr Right going to be here somewhere? My quest for that kinky sexy, attractive, athletic, good-sized specimen of the male species continued, and I was doggedly determined to find him.

So I was thrown off, when one day, I was asked to be a FUBU by someone who just chanced upon my profile. The date of our meeting would be coming up when he arrives in the country. Sure, why not? Pure uninterrupted, unbridled, unadulterated fun, without any expectation to connect anywhere beyond the hips. Start and end dates provided. 

I was not prepared for what the Universe had thrown my way. In our daily (yes, daily) chats, we started to disclose of ourselves more. Going into the hidden parts of our respective past hurts and disappointments. I felt my guy was coming from an abyss of fuckeries and something in me just wanted to hold him together.

Questions that popped up among the details of sexual styles, only enough, included:

Can I be in his future? (Wait, what?!?)
Preferences for presents I'd receive? (Am I being bribed?)
Would I accept a ring from him? (Flattered, yes, of course)
Will I be available to go with him to a family event, then go on an out-of-town get away? (?!? Can we just get the nonstop fun on the road, please?)

Then the L-word came. Unexpected, but not unwelcomed.

Days and days of round-the-clock chat, I found someone whose need went beyond the satisfaction for pleasure and kink. The bdsm lifestyle was put on hold, as so many untold hurts it had brought him. I could not possibly be so focused on my long sought-after bdsm fantasies, to not care a single bit for his heart. You know how a woman can have a tender spot for the wounded?  That's me (Sucker!)

My deepest darkest secret fear of 'forever' is being handled by the gentle, assuring affection of my...FUBU? No, the terms and conditions have changed. It's now exclusive, and as far as Hub activities are concerned, I can't play with friends anymore.

It's not easy to go cold turkey on something that has given me a safe ground for more than a year. But it's far more important that I should start focusing on the potential Mr. Right, who, delightfully keeps asking for it 'right now!' And yes, he happens to be that kinky sexy, athletic, good-sized specimen of the male species (chuckle).

The need for a companionship in dealing with life struggles has tied us together, fastened securely with rope (mine is red and his is white and orange...ooohhh). 

My profile summary needs revising, a new chapter of my life is now well on its way, I suppose.

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