More blatantly stolen from elsewhere.....

Where are u

in my bedroom. Is this a trick question?

Where u now

I think you're totally not getting the gist of the blog....ie--humor.

Then again...maybe you are, and this is your sense of it?

Would u like to meet for fun

Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on Daddy's stomach last night?" "I have to do that, or Daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny." "That's not going to work." "Why not?" "Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted." Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

Lovely weather for the time of year. (yawn)

Where am I What am I doing ? What is the meaning of life ?...Frankly my dear,I don't give damn ! Neither should you James., what a free spirit lady like this does in her own time,is entirely her own business.
Quick joke.One lady to another " I hear that your divorce will be going through as soon as your husband's eyesight is better "

There was a young monk from Siberia
Whose morals were very inferior
He did to a nun, what he shouldn't have done
And now she's a Mother Superior

Turquiose. I had the misrotune to appear in the " Sound of Music once. ( typecast as a Nazi ) But for the life of me,I can't remember that verse. Do you happen to know if Julie Andrews ever recorded it ? xx

Skebbie the Humorless??? I wouldn't have guessed it.

No disrespect intended, EG, but the only humour I could muster on this occasion was a sort of ironic cackle when I recalled how rich and amusing the blogs on this site used to be.

Skeb--I completely agree with you, as I often do.

On this occasion, my brain was only capable of meandering into the funny side of things. I am in desperate need of a laugh these days, and reading most blogs these days don't come close (or even make me think, which would also be a welcome distraction).

As I have the day off work today, maybe I'll be able to stop and think a bit about something more worthy of posting.

EG: As I've already said in a PM to a regular blogger today, I do intend to contribute further myself, but it will probably be something of a "valedictory" nature :-) After all, I still have more than half a year of VIP membership left, so I might as well stir it while I'm still active :-)

Sally: I'm "liking" you simply because of what you've started on another thread. High time there was revolution in the air here :-)

What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
If we don’t get some support, people will think we’re nuts.

Hi Sally u look hot

A man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for 15 years.
He breaks into a house and inside, he finds a young couple in bed.
He ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife,
“Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!”

She responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too.”

On my way home on Saturday, coming back from London, I got attacked by a couple of ruffians that pulled a knife on me..
Gis yer Fucking money yer c""t or I'll Fucking cut yer, one of them said
I was trapped in a life or death situation so I did the first thing that sprang to mind..... I turned around and tried to knock one out.
In hindsight, it probably wasn't the best time for a wank but it could've been my last.

Hi open,
I guess there is always time for a crafty wank...;)

What's the difference between Americans and Yogurt?

--In 300 years, the yogurt has developed a culture.

(NOW---DO i smack the teller of this one, or not?)

Polynesian culture goes back a bit further than 300 years :-)

I went for job interview yesterday at NHS Lothian it was a porters job I applied for in the circumcision ward... The wages weren't very good.. But you got to keep all the tips!!!

The doctor at the hospital diagnosed me as being an idiot - after a week I thought there had been an improvement so returned for a second opinion, only to be told there was no change by the carpark ticket machine.

I heard this one when i was in the army (80's), don't know who originally said it, but i found it amusing.

Jack and Jill wnet upi the jill,
To fetch a pail of water.
Jack came down, with half a crown,
And Jull got what she was after.

Guy walks into a pub with his pet Giraffe.  '14pints of lager and a pint of bitter please barman'   they sat there drinking, 'same again '  after the next round the Giraffe fell to the floor....     The guy got up to walk out, the barman called out  ' Oi , you cant leave that lying there mate '       ' Its not a lion its a giraffe'  said the man..........................;  )

What’s the difference between a outlaw and a in-law?  Outlaws are wanted.

What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

What do you call a man walking in leaves?........Russel