Blatant theft from elsewhere online.....

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her dog a bone
She bent over,
Rover took over
And she got a bone of her own

Simple Simon met a Pie Man,going to the Fair,
Said Simple Simon to the Pie Man " What have you got there ? "
" Pies ! You twat ! "

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King's horse and all the King's men.............Couldn't give a fuck !!

Mary had a little lamb,full of fun and frolics,
She used to throw it in the air and catch it by it's ......er. can't find a rhyme for frolics !


Little Boy Blue come blow up your horn,
The sheep's in the meadow,the cows in the corn.
But Little Boy Blue, he isn't asleep,
He's behind the haystack,shagging Little Bo Peep !

Mary from the mountain glen,
Seduced herself with a fountain pen.
The pen .nib broke and the ink ran wils
And she gave birth to a BlueBlack child.
They called the baby Stephen....but the name of the ink was Quink !

Suck suck suck a dick gently up and down one and two right near his ass then he will Cum at last

Hickory dickory dock
The mice ran up the clock
The clock struck one
But the other got away

Abraham Lincoln was a good old man
He hopped out the window with his Dick in hand
He said "excuse me ladies, just doing my duty
so why not pull down your pants, and give me some booty"

Mary had a little watch, she swallowed it one day
And so she took some Epsom Salts, to pass the time away
But though she tried, and tried, and tried, she couldn't make time pass
So if you want to know the time, just look up Mary's arse....

Little Boy Blue
He needed the money

ack and Jill went up the hill
Both with a buck and a quarter
Jill came down with two-fifty
That fuckin' Huar.

Mary had a little lamb
She kept in her backyard
When she took her panties off
His wooley dick got hard

Chrissy.I spent a few years living next door to Alice. Alice ? Alice ? Who the fuck is Alice ?

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To do a bit of snogging
Jill had a surprise when she opened her eyes
For Jack had taken her dogging!

Jack is nimble
Jack is quick
But Jill prefers the candlestick

Mary Mary quite contrary
How does your garden grow?
I live in a flat you stupid twat
How the fuck should I know?

Mary had a little lamb.Her father is taking legal advice to see if the shepherd has a case to answer.

Because they could see right up her front

Jack and Jill decided to go for
A afternoon stroll
They climbed some hills and found some alleys
At the top of one hill Jill got a little bit tired and
Needed a rest , Jack said come sit on my lap
Well that was the end of the afternoon stroll
Jill just sat on Jacks lap and no hill she had climbed but heaven she found.

Nursery rhymes look a little childish sometimes

Mary had a little lamb,
She also had a bear,
I've often seen her little lamb
But I've never seen her bear

Their was a young man from (broadgreen) place in Liverpool! who invented a shagging machine on the 13th stroke the poor thing  broke and whipped his balls into cream 

there once was a joiner called keith
who pulled foreskins back with his teeth
it wasnt for money
or because it was funny
he just loved the cheese underneath !!

Mary had a third skirt it showed her loverly bottom. Every time she took a stride it want her to slip, right on my colum

There was a young man from Torbay
That made a cunt out of clay
The heat from his dick
Turned it to brick
And chaffed his foreskin away!

as you could see her cu??

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could have some fanny.

Jack got a shock and a month full of cock.

Cos Jill's a fu****g tranny 

Mary had a little lamb, with feet as black as coal. Every time she saw the farm hand, she tingled in her hole

There was a young man from Kildare
who was screwing a girl in a chair.
At the fortieth stroke,
The bloody chair broke,
And his rifle shot off in the air!

There was a young ladyn