We are often amazed at the messages and mail we receive. It see****o matter how specific we are in our profile, a large number of the messages and mail we get do not respect our specific needs, requests or desires.
So with that being said a fine line as to how to respond is created. Do you just ignore that person? We feel that if someone takes the time to contact you, generally a reply of some form should be given. The website offers a simple rejection no thank you generic reply, and thats nice. However we have found t****any often take this as an invitation to ask why. At that point we have wasted our time twice now when we reply to them. But again its only respectful to at least reply.
So then is it better to just point out why you are saying no to begin with? T****eans you are now explicitly showing them that they did not bother to read your profile completely . Pointing that fact out to them seems to simply invite either more correspondence ( wasting more time to reply ). And of course in many instances the feeling of rejection on their part.
After over a year on this site we have personally chosen to just be straight forward and spell it out. There are many reasons for this. We have sent the Ahub rejection reply of no thank you, only to receive their reply of "ok, what time and where". Or asking "why not, is there a problem" ? Obviously a communication, language or interpretation issue. We have ignored them, only to get another message demanding we reply, the arrogance issue in a misogynist culture of the Philippines is clearly expressed. As an example below is a cut past of a recent message exchange. Our Profile explicitly says that single guys must be LOCAL to Makati. There is a reason for this, and it does not matter what the reason is. We don't need to justify or explain our personal wishes. We simply need to express what they are.
His first message;
"Hi would love to meet up I'm a single straight American man with hazel eyes living in Angeles. "
Our first reply:
" We really try not to be rude, but sometimes its impossible not to. We cant figure out if we should just ignore those who do not fully read our profile, or respond asking them why they dont care what our profile says?
What part " Single guys must be AT LEAST 7 inches and LOCAL to MAKATI, no exceptions. We are not interested in meeting single guys that just happen to be here on vacation or short business trips :" did you not understand?
no thanks "
His Reply:
"For your information, you assumed and are incorrect. That is fine you don't wanna meet and after your attitudinal statements I don't want to to meet you either. Just to be clear, I've been living in the Philippines since 20****. So get your facts straight and take 3 cents and buy a personality. "
Our final reply prior to blacklisting him:
"We did not assume anything. You said you live in Angeles, Your Profile says you live in Angeles. Since when is Angeles LOCAL to Makati, Its not even local to Manila.
We pass no judgement on people who do not read our profile. We may be some of the friendliest people you would ever meet. However we only want to meet with people who show us the same amount of respect that we would show them. By not following the needs of the profile you fall into one of two categories.
The first category is simply one that says I don't respect what this couple is looking for. I see what they are asking for but I don't care that I don't meet those requirements. I am so special that I don't need to fit their needs. I am so special that I don't need to respect what it is that they want, or need to understand why they are specific about their needs. With that type of attitude how can we assume you will respect the other parts of our life. Our need for privacy, our need for security. In addition how can we expect you to be honest and real?
The second category is that the respondent is simply stupid. We could use a different word, be more politically correct with the verbiage, but simple and straight forward is best. As you can see we don't tolerate stupid very well. A stupid sex partner is not only worthless to us, but a burden. While we would love to say that its the responsibility of society to care for those who are either under educated, or possibly uneducated, we just don"t fall into that category. We are not here to fix the problems of the masses. We feel we do our part by supporting schools and our church along with being strict about recycling and not throwing trash on the street. Thats effort enough to satisfy our societal requirements at this time.
By your reply you are obviously NOT stupid, you simpl****ve no respect for the wishes or needs of others. Thats fine. That you feel its ok to waste their time is of no concern to you personally. That is obviously ok with you.
There are man**** will take you up on your offer I am sure. That we would waste our time to reply to you shows that we respect people enough to at least reply. That you don't like the reply is of no concern to us. We wish you the best of luck in your search and desires, simply not with us.
Mike and Christine "
End of Cut Paste.
So where does the line fall between being Rude, and being Realistic. Where do you draw the line. Is it worth the effort to even deal with people who show no respect? Is it possible that we are simply jerks and should in some manner respond more politically correct?
Its an interesting and perhaps thought provoking situation. We would not only love to see your thoughts, but we would be especially interested in seeing if there is a difference between the thoughts of couples and then singles.
|
11:36 pm Tuesday, 22nd November, 2016
Life is too short to be picky. |
