Strange Days.........

2:13 pm Tuesday, 15^th September, 2015

I was returning from a daytime tryst in Tokyo this evening. It's something over an hour on the train, so to pass the time I whipped out my smartphone to browse the latest blog posts. I'm normally a laptop guy and hate the cramped smartphone platform, but hey-ho, there was nothing else to do, so I opened the home page. A screen window with the heading "Matches" duly popped up. However, instead of a photo of a coquettish cougar or "soccer Mom" (which you'd expect the site to come up with for a man of a certain age like myself), I found myself staring into the Eye of Sauron. This I found surreal, disturbing, and totally out of context: a young girl on the opposite side of the aisle was polishing her nails, the train conductor in his immaculate uniform was bowing politely and checking tickets, and in front of me two ladies in their 50s were chatting happily and comparing items they'd acquired during a day's shopping in Ginza. All seemed otherwise normal. It was almost as if this malevolent Lovecraftian entity had crawled out of some labyrinthine hell-hole and come slouching through a cosmological wormhole to thrust itself into my sight.

It wasn't pretty. The photo was dark and seemed to have been taken in an environment with faint greenish illumination. Parts of the entity glistened with moisture, and there were palp-like flaps of flesh on the upper and lower halves, which I took for two eyelids. But the strangest and most disturbing feature was the third eyelid, which seemed to cover most of the left half. I tried to get a grip on myself in case I was on the verge of schizophrenia. What exactly was I looking at, and why on earth was it considered a "match" for me ???

I do have some biological qualifications, so I thought back to some of those specimens of pale, subterranean creatures pickled in jars that used to decorate the shelves of the research lab. No....no "matches" there......Then I tried to assess the surrounding anatomical structures. This sinister, almost extra-terrestrial-looking eye appeared to be sunk into a depression surrounded by mounds of fatty tissue covered in greyish clammy skin, and dotted with occasional wart-like structures. I wondered whether it was the eye of a rhino or an elephant, but no hair suggestive of eyelashes was evident. But still the eye held me in its gaze.....demanding answers that weren't coming readily................

At that point, I dropped my phone onto the seat beside me, partly through absent-minded distraction and partly through a sense of creeping horror, as if I'd touched something unpleasant in the dark. This proved to be serendipitous because it caused me to look at the photo from a different angle.....and the penny dropped. The total absence of any pubic hair had taken away my frame of reference, and whoever had taken the photo had uploaded it sideways. It still wasn't pretty, but at least my sense of reality had been restored, and I found myself chuckling - not only at the bizarre thought that someone had considered this biological specimen to represent her in the public domain, but also that I was considered to be a good "match" for some unwholesome-looking entity that looked as though it had just detached itself from John Hurt's face :-) We live in strange days indeed....................

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	12:53 pm Wednesday, 16^th September, 2015 Skebbie Yes Mr G, it might have turned out to be something from The Matrix :-)
	1:20 pm Wednesday, 16^th September, 2015 freeforpleasure Skebbie, I laughed so hard reading your blog that my eyes watered....You r amazing with words! I wonder if I could come up with the female version of it but about some male pictures on the site...:P
	5:43 pm Wednesday, 16^th September, 2015 Welcumdstraction I have noticed this phenomena on other sites too, why though? Whilst uploading a photo of their hanging hemorrhoid or prolapse to get themselves onto embarrassing bodies they decide "that will make a great profile picture" Now i know someone that lost a bollock and had the battered and blackened said meatball in a jar, which they used as a profile picture on a well known social media site...but that was for shock factor. If you think a photo that would make a gynecologist inhale sharply whilst muttering "holy mary mother of all that is saintly and good; be gone with you Beelzebub!", then please consider the following.... Site admin have to authorize the photos, please do not make them suffer unnecessarily! Now i know i ain't no George Clooney, hence no photo of my boat; but my back is passable.
	7:08 pm Wednesday, 16^th September, 2015 Welcumdstraction DD? Are you telling me the Russians now brew Double Diamond? It works wonders apparently..
	1:53 am Thursday, 17^th September, 2015 Skebbie One positive thing to have emerged from this experience is that it has added weight to my thesis that pubic hair should not be zapped, and serves a very useful purpose: i.e. so that you can tell which way up a fanny photo has been uploaded :-)
	3:21 am Thursday, 17^th September, 2015 Skebbie Some of my media will testify to that :-)
	8:31 am Thursday, 17^th September, 2015 darksweets It made me laugh! Love reading your blogs!
	2:14 pm Thursday, 17^th September, 2015 Skebbie People keep telling me, but I've never been conscious or aware of this blog ratings lark. I think in comparison with most of you I have very limited usage of the site: basically just blogging and letching after women who don't fancy me :-)
	6:12 pm Thursday, 17^th September, 2015 Welcumdstraction Is it my imagination or have a load of posts been given curtains? Had three of mine hatcheted today. Think somebody maybe having a bad day!!! (Don't exepect this post to live longer than five minutes before getting purged)
	1:53 am Friday, 18^th September, 2015 Skebbie Lil: Cheque's in the post. And would you like to be my publicity secretary? :-) Sisy (although I'm sure you're not :-) : Yes I'm occasionally tempted to get a henna tattoo so I can have a couple of weeks pretending to be a thug. Good for my Renaissance Man image :-) Indepth: Wouldn't be surprised if some wimmin out there have actually followed your suggestion already. I suppose it might come in useful in 30 years time when I'm half blind and suffering from cognitive impairment. A bit like a road sign, or a prompt from the wings when I've forgotten my lines :-) deboroseMsV: I'm actually quite self-effacing, so currently turning a little scarlet. It's Dixon who's the big-head :-) OIcpl: Re. ancestry. I know I'm basically Celt, but as the Romans and Vikings both colonized my neck of the woods, I may have a touch of both somewhere in my genes. It could explain a lot :-) Certainly as far as my hair colour goes (both top and bottom) I'm a bit of a mosaic :-)
	5:11 am Friday, 18^th September, 2015 louislatmember img src="imagesadultemoticons030.gif"
	5:48 am Friday, 18^th September, 2015 Skebbie Er.......quite.
	6:54 am Friday, 18^th September, 2015 Welcumdstraction Indepths comment about which way up got me thinking.... If you are caught in an avalanche and become buried in snow, you will be so disoriented, you wont know up from down (sounds like a normal Friday night to me..) You are meant to dribble which will run downwards so you know which way is up.....now can you see where this is going!!! So rather than the expense of a tattoo, a trail of dribble should suffice for a "fanny foto" And one direction wont need to be mentioned again either! Its win win as i see it.
	7:53 am Friday, 18^th September, 2015 Skebbie Welcum: Perhaps that's what the geezer above was trying to say in his emoji.......er.......I think (?)
	1:14 pm Friday, 18^th September, 2015 Skebbie MissV: I disagree actually. There really is such a thing as an aesthetic minge. And besides - you (and me) are biased :-)
	7:37 pm Friday, 18^th September, 2015 Welcumdstraction Whats this...going for a blog with as many words for clunge in it?
	1:02 am Saturday, 19^th September, 2015 Welcumdstraction I take mine with a drop of water and an absinthe chaser. Chin chin ol chap.
	1:46 am Saturday, 19^th September, 2015 SunShineGirllUK Goodnes me, polluting 'whisky' with water is sacrilege. One does wonder if 'chin chin' fall's into the same category as 'toodle- pip' and 'toodle-oo' for the all boy's old school days?
	6:24 am Saturday, 19^th September, 2015 Skebbie Sanshain: "Chin-chin" is a diminutive for "penis" in Japan (usually used in the context of little boys). The opposite is "kyo-kon", or the rather appropriate "marra", which describe something rather more splendid.
	9:50 am Saturday, 19^th September, 2015 Welcumdstraction Mr Sissy, Are you suggesting i would wreck my Highland Park with H2O? Perish the thought...Hang your head in shame at the shear mention of such a despicable action. However the alcoholic substance you allude to i find a little to strong for my softy southern palate. I'm just a big Jesse....
	10:31 am Saturday, 19^th September, 2015 Skebbie I agree - Highland Park is to be savoured neat. Had several when I was in Glasgow last month. I was also introduced to Buckfast :-) If in doubt, maybe Sanshain could explain :-)
	10:32 am Saturday, 19^th September, 2015 Skebbie PS: I'm not a "ned" (well.....not really, but Dixon sometimes gets a bit boisterous :-)
	10:52 am Saturday, 19^th September, 2015 Skebbie deborose: Well at least his fate wasn't as bad as that of Prometheus, and he'd have emerged as the fittest dead guy around :-)
	3:11 pm Saturday, 19^th September, 2015 Welcumdstraction Openislandcouple, You may be confused but no more than most brits will be, Unfortunately google translate doesnt yet translate from cockney or Glaswegian to the queens English, so until that happens just google those spurious words. I had to with "ned" which turns out to be a scottish term for a chav And a Jessse is what you would refer to as a fag. I do hope this helps your understanding of our incomprehensible lingo. This post was brought to you by the Ministry of Rubbish Information.
	3:36 pm Saturday, 19^th September, 2015 Welcumdstraction I do apologize for not including the welsh, i am very fond of the welsh and find the welsh accent rather sexy. Indepth, if you live south of the border and speak English...
	6:32 pm Saturday, 19^th September, 2015 SunShineGirllUK Think i can say without a doubt that 'Jessie' has become redundant and replaced with the words such as 'Tosser, Wanker, Twat, Dick and Arsehole', Scottish rant over :-) x
	6:35 pm Saturday, 19^th September, 2015 SunShineGirllUK Skebbie i wouldn't know about 'Buckfast' not being a ned, though have heard that it tastes rather like all the worst most vile tasting cough medicine rolled into one, so i'll gladly stick to Malt Whisky thanks all the same. :-) x
	10:42 pm Saturday, 19^th September, 2015 Welcumdstraction Indepth, on the subject of "do i sound English?", no idea, i aint ever had the pleasure of hearing your dulset tones. You must have heard of the duck test? You aint ginger and you you aint incomprehensible, therefore you must be British. SSG, i am so sad for Scotland, my mates from the highlands certainly knew a thing or two about insults minus the expletives, although they did insist on wearing those poncy feathers in their berets. Seems now bonny Scotland is no better than the rest of us foul mouthed berks.
	11:40 pm Saturday, 19^th September, 2015 SunShineGirllUK Ahhh but you see welcumdisaster it is better in my opinion, as it's my place of birth and no matter where in the country i were to move. My heart will always belong to Scotland. :-) x
	1:35 am Sunday, 20^th September, 2015 Skebbie I gather the "problem" with Buckfast is that it delivers a massive jolt of alcohol in an almost "downable in one" strength (unlike whiskey), while containing a potent cocktail of stimulant substances: if you imagine a cross between sherry and Red Bull, you'll get a rough idea. Definitely not a subtle connoisseur's tipple, but purpose-designed for mayhem (despite the fact that the monks of Buckfast Abbey probably had completely innocent intentions in marketing it as a "tonic" :-)
	5:28 am Sunday, 20^th September, 2015 freeforpleasure Wow!! I take 2 days off the hub and I am completely and absolutely lost here...All started with a picture of Sauron's eye and now, where are you? Slangs, accents and everything in between? hahaha For what it is worthy, I love all Brits slangs and I adore British accent. Meaning, Scots, Welsh, English and Irish....Yes, sometimes I can't understand a word of what they are saying, but I should be able to tune in gradually.... Having said that, has someone noticed how sexy Latins are when speaking English? Yep, self-inflicted compliment...Well I should be able to love myself right?
	6:29 am Sunday, 20^th September, 2015 Skebbie FFP: Can give you a few lessons in Cumbrian if you like (for a suitable fee, of course ;-) There's quite a lot of Viking in there, as you can probably twig if you look at place names all over the county. The hill farmers still count their sheep in Norse (before shagging them). Where else in England could you find a village called Watendlath ? Sounds like somewhere from Middle Earth :-)
	6:30 am Sunday, 20^th September, 2015 Skebbie .....and whenever I head north up the M6 and pass through that marvellous cutting between the Howgills at Tebay, I feel as though Mordor is calling me home.........which is, I suppose, where this blog started :-)
	6:50 am Sunday, 20^th September, 2015 freeforpleasure Skebbie, Don't forget I lived on that part of the woods (lol) for a while when in the UK. I love Cumbria and West Yorkshire and the moors. I am a city girl for sure but I always admire the beauty of all...(except weather of course) but even that is part of its character... Did you mention a fee? My mind is wondering now..Considering you have more fans than "One Direction" on the site apparently, I am now picturing like JLo with excessive fees and demands...img src="imagesadultemoticons012.gif"
	8:41 am Sunday, 20^th September, 2015 Skebbie In fact the train conductor turned to stone and had to be wheeled out on a trolley.
	2:03 pm Sunday, 20^th September, 2015 Skebbie Sisyphus: Don't you mean Honiton ?

Blog Introduction

Skebbie

I'm 56 years old, living in the Bradford region.