Long-distance relationship: would you be able to hack it?

deborose: I don't think I've ever been in a relationship where either partner felt they had to say good morningnight every day religiously. Perhaps that doesn't reflect well on me, but there you go :-) Advice appreciated and noted, however.......

Skebbie,
Make a decision thst feels right and go with it.
It will either go right or wrong.
Stating the obvious.... Definitely
But at least you wont be on your death bed thinking "if only i had followed my heart not my brain"

Before you all become overly concerned for my welfare, perhaps I should have started this blog (and its twin) with a disclaimer saying that any reference to any person, living or dead, is purely coincidental :-)
However, the issues I've covered are very real ones for an itinerant expat such as myself, and perhaps to a lesser degree they also apply to people who have to deal with shorter distances.

One of the great things about middle age is that it gives you a sense of perspective and reality. I'm no longer a youthful idealist who would sacrifice all for "love" or make wildly extravagant gestures of commitment, especially as I have a deep commitment - both financially and emotionally - to Japan, where I enjoy my life. It is also one of the countries that presents the greatest obstacles to any foreigner wishing to settle here. Going over to Amsterdam to live your sweetheart is simply not comparable.

It's true that the world is a much smaller place now, though, and it''s easy to keep in touch via various media, and even talk face to face in real time. Before anyone suggests "webcam sex" (lol).......do me a favour :-) There is no substitute for fleshy proximity and being brought to ecstasy by your significant other. And besides.....patience is good for the soul (so I'm told) :-)

Skebbie, First, I am glad that you had such an amazing experience. I think in a way it is what many may be hoping for.

You have touched a very familiar topic here in relation to me. I have been in the same situation before and with the same dilema. I am also an expat and I tend to find people who I really like in other continents lol..

From my experience , it will never work if both are taking this as a serious relationship. Meaning if you want exclusivity while you are in different continents. Also, there is nothing (as lostman has mentioned) like kisses and hugs and the real thing.

On the other hand, if you are both willing to just keep in touch and be there then, an ear will always be available and company and smiles and some fun, but it is tough as you really want to be with that person and it can't be. However, the day u meet again it can be even more amazing.

Therefore, as long as both parties set the "rules" from the beginning should be OK. Having said that, in my case there was no happy ending and it is because you can know the "rules" it does not mean you will be able to carry them on. Human nature!

FFP: At this stage of my life (having graduated from "courting, nesting and rearing" :-) I totally agree with you that there is no way a long-distance connection could be founded on exclusivity and possessiveness. For those in that situation, all one can do is to adopt a mature and grounded attitude and acknowledge that the connection will remain fun and viable as long as mutual circumstances and feelings remain unchanged. You have to respect the fact that each partner already has a life. However, it's a nice feeling knowing that there's someone out there with whom you've shared something extraordinary, and that there's every chance it will happen again, and continue to happen. I sometimes think that distance makes us less complacent and more appreciative. Some people prefer to be joined at the hip, but I'm not one of those. However, it took me half a lifetime to get to the place I'm at now........

I for one do not believe in great mind blowing sex forever. It frizzles out eventually. However great it may be. So no. Stay put, meet when you can for the perfect sizzling I have seen god sex and when time passes if there is anyother kind of mind connection take it from therr. If not, it was great while it lasted.

Mac: I agree that breaking up via email or social media is the pits. If the experience meant anything at all, then a farewell dinner would be the only civilized option. In the same way that the funeral of a very old person who has lived a full and happy life is often regarded as a celebration, the same applies to the end of any special male-female connection.

darksweets: You couldn't have read my mind more accurately :-) Those are exactly my sentiments.

I was in an 18 month long distance relationship... I made 4 trips to go see her, the first one being after we had been talking about 5-6 months... Each visit became shorter and shorter... I she became more clingy and needy... To me, it's is (in theory) similar to the NSA dilemma... Some people may be able to do it, but I think most wouldn't be able, or willing to...
Hey Skebbie, I laughed at your little legal disclaimer... It was funny, but your right to do that in today's world... Some people are always on the look out for their next law suit...
Good luck with all your endeavors!

Wow, that post was butchered for some reason...6 months was the first botch job in my post...then after NSA it should say, dilemma... And then after disclaimer should be in today's world...
Guess I was hitting my thumb on my IPad screen while posting?
Anyway, again good luck in your maneuvers guy...

OIcpl: I was in your neck of the woods (Kona Big Island and Waikiki) just less than 2 years ago. So you're not as unreachable as you think...... :-)

Never tried it, but not sure I could hack it.
I'd need lots of naked photos and kisses regularly blown over email. Oh and GPS navigation implants so I could track his movements :-)

Not to mention a perfect latex replica of his massive willie :-)

Thank you Mr G. :-) You may recall that I threatened to meet up with London-based bloggers at some point, and I succeeded in having a few pints with a gent who was ultimately banished from here. The same applies to you (i.e. non-banishment :-)
If would be good to meet someone from the Camelot Era who has contributed so much to the blogs.

PS: Don't let my aversion to chocs put you off :-)

PPS: Whatever happened to Lilith ????

O had a 2 year long distance relationship with a lady who had a Australian and a Japanese parent and living in Japan. We spent a total of 11 weeks together in real time over the 2 year period that the relationship lasted for. The problem was that when we were together we both hated the inevitable separation that was to come but while together made commitments to move to be with each other. Once we were separated, our individual lives took over and the commitments went by the way side till our next meeting. In the end, it didn't work and luckily too. As much as I enjoyed her company while we were together, while apart, the demands she started putting on me through her insecurities, started to pull me down and, at the time, I started to loose myself in trying to pander to her needy nature.
In my opinion, a long distance relationship can work on the condition that both parties are very secure in themselves and emotionally mature. If they are anything else, though most enjoyable when together in real time, is doomed to altimeter failure. After all, immaturities and insecurities make it hard to maintain a happy relationship in real life let alone one over a distance that relies on electronics for any sort of meaningful regular contact.

I think it all boils down to how lucky you are in your choice of people whose knickers you get into :-) That's the Wild Card. (Excuse my rather facile response)

Thank you, MsV. I know that people have a vast range of needs when it comes to relationships, and you just have to go for the arrangement that meets those needs. I know for sure that I'm capable of lust, affection and respect, but I think I'm too long in the tooth now to seriously fall for anyone to the extent that I'd change my life for them. All of that idealist stuff has gradually fallen by the wayside over the years: I'm a bit like an old banger (no pun intended) rattling along a pot-holed track shedding hub-caps, fenders, bits of the radiator grille and various nuts and bolts, which represent my former vulnerability. However, the engine is still in reasonable nick, and every now and then I need to stop at the sexual filling station for some 5-star :-)

Lilith: Sometimes, however, something memorable can happen accidentally and unexpectedly when you're thousands of miles from "home" :-) I suppose that's why I wrote the blog. Practically speaking, all you can do is put it on the back burner and see what happens next time you slog it to the other hemisphere......

No it involves laying a very long pipeline across the Urals :)

Skebbie,
Best euphemism i have ever heard.
Long pipeline, Phnar Phnar, Chortle Chortle!

Actually this is its third or fourth outing.It's just that you weren't around during the Golden Age (sadly). You'd have fitted in :-)

It would all depend on whether you would gain nectar points on your air miles lol. I believe anything and everything is possible when two true soul mates collide  🙂 .  But above all,  Positivity fuels everything remotely impossible into the possible.......  Hope that helps x

Lilly and Mel: I suppose in the context of a site like this, the definition of a "relationship" might be as simplistic as having shared bodily fluids at least once :-))  Unless one has a special understanding (and a lot of patience :-)) then one has to assume that either party will be "looking for local" in the meantime. Things can change, of course, but I would have thought that if two people have enjoyed each other's company once, then there's no reason why it shouldn't be as pleasurable again, and there's the added bonus of anticipation and reassurance, as neither party is any longer an unknown quantity. I'm absolutely certain that "soulmates" exist out in the big wide world, but finding and getting to them is a problem. Which is why I always feel it's worth making an effort to keep something going if two people hit it off......even if it's just a chatty mail every now and then.