When expectations fall short.....

1:02 pm Tuesday, 25^th August, 2015

Some recent events have prompted me to submit this “diptych”, which relates to two opposite but complementary situations.
Therefore I’m submitting them as two different blog topics because each requires a separate response…..

As a UK expat I “come and go” so to speak, and my existence here accounts for less than the lion’s share of what I actually get up to. However, UK contacts are important to me because every now and then I need to touch base with my Britishness and frankly there is no substitute for that electricity that can only be generated with a partner who speaks the same mother tongue: it’s a meaty and weighty facet of any kind of sexual connection. As my time in the UK is limited, any prospective connection has to be built up through prolonged mail correspondence, sometimes over a period of several weeks/months. During that time, both sides develop expectations – real or imagined. There is no prospect of a “quick meet”, and things have to develop at a leisured and controlled pace. This situation requires patience, perseverence, and a degree of commitment. Therefore, especially for the likes of a middle-ager like myself for whom opportunities are running out fast, there is perhaps a greater desire to ensure that preliminary overtures are more likely to bear fruit. Consequently, the price of everything going pear-shaped (no pun intended) is more likely to be painful in view of the effort expended: after all, each time I’m back in the UK, I’m only around for a month or so, and time is precious.

I’m sufficiently tuned in to realize that the majority of women would ideally prefer a male partner who can offer some degree of permanence and commitment – it’s only natural. Therefore I tend to be philosophical if my expat status places me in the “doubtful and dubious” category as far as UK women are concerned. But imagine the opposite situation…….that is, when the final moment comes for me to lay eyes on who I’ve been talking to, there’s a horrible realization that there’s no attraction. It’s a situation akin to that depicted by Thomas Hardy in his story “On the Western Circuit”, where the protagonist falls for someone purely on the basis of her correspondence. So…..in this situation, what would you do? Go through with a “sympathy fuck”? Act in a civilized manner, go out for dinner and laugh it off, parting on good terms and in philosophical good humour? Make a bolt for the door without as much as a “by your leave”? Create a scene and bounce accusations off each other for not being sufficiently forthcoming? Answers on a postcard please………

(Part II to follow shortly……)

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	4:30 pm Tuesday, 25^th August, 2015 darksweets Maybe the truth first? Hey loved chatting to you but there really is no attraction. If she does not strangle you then offer drinks and dinner if you can bear it lol. She most probably starved herself all day!
	9:53 pm Tuesday, 25^th August, 2015 doktorzook Might as well have at least a cup of tea and a macaroon, you've both made the effort of meeting up and it is kinda rude to climb out of the window and leg it!
	11:31 pm Tuesday, 25^th August, 2015 Welcumdstraction Skebbie, Is this a rhetorical question or personal experience? Not that it makes any difference, i am just a nosey bugger! In answer to your posed question, if you have built up enough raport that you decide to meet then surely there must be some connections. Stick around, chat, have a drink and get to know each other better. Whats the worst that will happen, your initial feelings remain and you part wiser but still as friends or you may realise that initial gut instinct was gonna see you wrong. You will only know if you stick it out and make a go of the situation. As for a sympathy fuck, Jesus Christ, how crass. Anyone that would think that way must be about as shallow as a puddle in the Sahara in August. So not every meeting will produce that electric connection we crave but surely common decency dictates you exercise a little common decorum. Treat others how you wish to be treated yourself,
	1:39 am Thursday, 27^th August, 2015 Skebbie Yes you are all right: courtesy and common decency are the order of the day. However I threw in the other scenarios because sometimes they happen. I remember our lost lamented Curvy describing how a prospective date had legged it as soon as she answered the door :-) My problem is that I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. Sure we swap photos, but even that can give an ambiguous impression, and I don't think a female correspondent would react favorably if I said something like "Sorry but I need more evidence before deciding. Can you send me a full-length totally nude photo of yourself in a well-lit room?" :-) It's true that people can correspond happily by email and may find they have a lot in common. Some may be looking for platonic friendship or pen-pals, but that is not my final objective, even though mental rapport and evidence of intelligencesanity play a big role in deciding whether someone is compatible. It is a cruel and embarrassing situation if someone turns out to be less than physically desirable, but honesty is not only the best policy but also the only option. In my case I need to feel physical lust if anything is going to happen, and sadly I can't react that way no matter how beautiful a person's soul is. Other options to circumvent such a sexual impasse, such as conjoining in total darkness, are obviously insulting and ridiculous :-) Before any of you lambast me for being a sexual elitist, I should hasten to point out that I too have been blown out and rejected more times than I care to remember (even after paying for dinner :-) Doubtless at least some site members and happy to rut willy-nilly with whoever they meet in car parks etc., and good luck to them. But for the rest of us the bottom line is mutual attraction, both mental and physical. We shouldn't settle for less.
	7:06 am Thursday, 27^th August, 2015 Welcumdstraction This got me thinking, so you go ahead with the sympathy shag (not that you have suggested you would, i am playing devils advocate) What would the review be like that would be posted the next day? Suppose it may start something like..... Met this guy yesterday, he lived up to my initial expectations and what an arse.... No, not a great arse; a total arse! And i am sure it would be packed out with words and phrases such as: Stumpy, flacid, couldn't raise a gallop for toffee, hung like a hamster, was he running the 100m's, 30seconds if i wad that unlucky, i will never get that time back and back hair like a chimpanzee.... And those will probably be some of the nicer comments! Remember, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned! img src="imagesadultemoticons012.gif"
	7:51 am Thursday, 27^th August, 2015 Skebbie "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" You can say that again :-) It seems to have become part of common folklore that men will shag anything with a pulse, given even half an opportunity. Therefore to some women perhaps it comes as a surprise to discover that - every now and then - a male is capable of exercising a degree of selectivity :-) I suspect that being blown out is more hurtful to a woman than it is to a man for this very reason. After all, us blokes are constantly "trying it on", and rejection is just water off a duck's back to us, right ? :-) I think I prefer the term "testimonial" to "review" because the latter suggests there is some leeway for criticism - a bit like Trip Advisor :-) However, all such statements are invariably "glowing reports", and besides no-one in their right mind would wish to retain a guest book comment intimating that heshe looks like the back end of a rhino and is rubbish in the sack. Seriously, though, if we meet someone who turns out to be less than what we expected, the best policy is to part on good terms if at all possible, and put it down to experience. A guest book entry would not serve any purpose under those circumstances.
	9:38 am Thursday, 27^th August, 2015 Skebbie deborose: Similarly I have no problem with women rejecting me on the grounds of looks. In fact I'm used to it :-) As you say.....with middle age comes a battle-weary inner peace and resignation in coming to terms with one's place in the sexual great scheme. I have pretty eclectic tastes in women, and I find the East-West contrast fascinating in terms of both physical features and attitudes. One of the reasons I joined this site was that I missed the glamour and voluptuousness that UK woman can offer. However......I have to draw a cut-off point somewhere on occasion :-) I certainly can't see anything about you that would put off a prospective suitor :-)
	12:06 pm Thursday, 27^th August, 2015 Skebbie "I have been stood up a couple of times" Ditto, but more than twice. The worst case was when I booked a double room at the Sheffield Hilton and found myself having to watch porn for the evening. Probably the most expensive visit that Mrs Palm made me :-) There was no further communication from the said woman, let alone an apology. Later it became apparent that she and her male partner were having lots of fun scamming hapless males on the site (not this one,I hasten to add). Some people really do need their legs breaking.
	1:39 pm Thursday, 27^th August, 2015 Welcumdstraction It seems that hell hath no fury like a scorned Skebbie either! Debrose, i am sorry to say that as a youth i had a thing for ol' Fatima... Fortunately time and self administered electric shock therapy have resolved that strange and disturbing fetish.
	2:07 pm Thursday, 27^th August, 2015 doktorzook There's a Hilton in Sheffield? ?
	4:23 pm Thursday, 27^th August, 2015 Skebbie You'd better believe it :-)
	6:23 pm Thursday, 27^th August, 2015 Welcumdstraction Lostman, That is a bit caveman, definitely testosterone driven....... And on that basis, from now on i want to be known as Pauline. So....Lostman, you big man hunk....are you gonna show me your club?...Grrrrrrr
	7:55 pm Thursday, 27^th August, 2015 Welcumdstraction Lives and loves of a she devil...... Damn, I remember that tv series. As a kid, I am not sure what upset me most about it, The graphic operation scenses with the bone saw or Dennis Watermans pony tail! Lostman, i understood the point you made, I am probably the worst example of male masculinity around. I love shopping for womens clothes, i am in touch with my feminine side And will cry like a baby girl at sad films such a ET, Bambi, Titanic, the Champ....oh christ, the list is endless. As for dragging me off by my hair, well its the best offer i have had all week so off to city airport to book myself on to a flight.
	8:44 pm Thursday, 27^th August, 2015 doktorzook Viva Las Vegas! ! And as for Sheffield, well I'll be blowed...
	11:55 pm Thursday, 27^th August, 2015 Skebbie lostman: Sympathy shags are no longer an option for me. They might have been when I was in my 20s when I had more testosterone than sense, but these days certain criteria have to be fulfilled. If there's no desire or attraction, it seems a pointless exercise. Besides, I need to feel I'm being "wooed" a little :-) As for my feminine side......I have to fess up to sniffling a bit when I was watching the umpteenth re-run of Forrest Gump the other night, although my excuse is that I was jetlagged, emotionally vulnerable and slightly one over the eight. I do love that film, though.........
	4:53 am Friday, 28^th August, 2015 Fetch1 Sue,Ha Ha ! You spoke too soon ! When you said that only sensible people were contributing to this blog I could not resist putting in an appearance, just in order to give lie to your assertion and to thwart you ! Deborose .Heaven forfend that anyone with even an ounce of perception would for one moment consider you ignorant or unpleasant, your erudite and literate comments on here immediately dispel any such notion amongst those of us who know about these things. Those who don't are not worth worrying about anyway ! As for Viva La Difference or Viva Las Vegas as someone said, how about Vauxhall Viva? From what I have read in the motoring press, the new model is every bit as bad as the old one ! I think that the credo " A meeting of minds before a meeting of bodies " is not a bad tenet to adhere to. ( speaking as one who is physically repulsive )
	5:33 am Friday, 28^th August, 2015 Fetch1 Oh ! I almost forgot ! " Viva Zapata " an old film starring Marlon Brando. The loose translation is " Long Live Shoes " which rather undermines Mr.Brando's machismo image,don't you think ?
	7:00 am Friday, 28^th August, 2015 freeforpleasure Guys, I have been laughing nonstop with your comments. As Deborose said, you are a great group of men. I don't think I have ever learned so much about men and their thoughts in my entire life :P You are not just honest but witty. OK, too much, I know. img src="imagesadultemoticons025.gif" Now, replying to Skebbie's OP. I never compromise. I can be attracted to someone but something I have learned and very quickly here is that words could tell a lot about a person but only by interacting with them you can confirm their true nature and if there is room for "more". Therefore, if I was being deceived by pictures or by a person who turns to be very different or just simply, there r no sparks. I will politely refuse anything else if suggested by the other person. In equal measure, I expect the same from the other part. He could easily hate my guts to death hahaha...And yes, I also belong to the group of people who were stood up, thankfully not affecting my economy like Skibbie's by my mood. I just had lots of chocolates that day :) img src="imagesadultemoticons012.gif"
	12:18 pm Friday, 28^th August, 2015 Skebbie Fetch: Actually that film was produced by Imelda Marcos. Not many people know that :-)
	1:25 pm Friday, 28^th August, 2015 Welcumdstraction Skebbie, That one liner made me laugh so much... I would go as far as saying it has made my hole weak.
	2:22 pm Friday, 28^th August, 2015 Fetch1 Very witty,Skebbie !
	4:54 pm Friday, 28^th August, 2015 doktorzook A sympathy shag?? I bloody wish!!
	11:19 pm Friday, 28^th August, 2015 Skebbie "Onwards and upwards" My motto exactly......with the emphasis on upwards :-)
	12:51 am Thursday, 10^th September, 2015 Skebbie Ha! Well blow me. I honestly never made the connection this time, but good to have you back :-) So I take it we shan't be seeing your beautiful face this time around......(?)

Blog Introduction

Skebbie

I'm 56 years old, living in the Bradford region.