Body Image Revisited

It's a good topic, always interests me when people open up on this subject.

For my part I can say watching other couples and being on the swingers circuit for however short or long, it has really grounded me in terms of taking care of myself and not taking things for granted, enjoying my time while I still can.

When you see what couples who genuinely love and respect each other are working with, people of all shapes, sizes and corners of the earth... for me it brought me out of my bubble.

My late teens and early twenties were pretty much telling myself "one day I'll get jacked" in terms of muscle. But I'm six foot five and an ectomorph body shape so gradually woke up to accepting that will never happen. As my metabolism has slowed down slightly I've been able to see gains and fill out well fitting clothes more nowadays, which is a great shot in the arm for confidence. Gives me more motivation for exercise and upkeep to see what's in the mirror.

Until now in my late twenties I gradually let other things on my body simply decay while I was focused on making a living for myself. Eventually I saw that nothing is a bigger priority than health, but sometimes just for the sake of getting in touch with my soul it was actually eye-opening to go weekends as a shut-in working behind the screen, thinking to myself "how low can I sink?" appearance-wise before I could push the line of point-of-no-return.

Nowadays I have more motivation to take care of myself, better friends, better understanding with family, work and business growing everyday. I do understand why women in particular are so focused on finding something beyond looks, particularly since society and media beats certain absolutely untenable aspirations and standards into them. You've got women with a body shape that 0.7% of the world population is born into paraded as the standard in mainstream media. It's pretty outrageous when you think about it.

Nonetheless all I can say as a man is I believe what's on the outside reflects what's inside, that's particularly been true for me. When I was directionless, I let myself fall apart. When my mind is clear and at peace, I look on top form. When things are right in the small details of my life around me, I take better care of myself. Sometimes I still like to walk around in the park looking like a hobo just to mess with people though :)

Darling Eg,

This is also a very huge topic for me. As I said it before I come from a culture where appearances are very important. The way you dress and the way you look defines in a way the way people see you and treat you. It is sad sometimes how superficial we can be. However, I have to say when I see my mum still trying to look her best for my dad and when going out as well as when looking at my aunts feeling so proud of still looking so good, I wonder if this cud also be a positive thing.

In my case, I am my worst critic. I was the ugly duckling at school and suddenly at university I realized that different clothing and hair made me feel like a princess but I am still insecure. I have never been skinny or too big (well maybe a little on the bog side when my mum decides to spoil me). However, I have never worn a bikini, or shown too much skin.

I get men telling me that I am an attractive lady and very sexy. I prefer when they see beyond the looks but I still nervous wondering if they really mean it and if they saw me naked they will notice everything that is not perfect.

I know what many women will say here. Embrace ur body, be proud of it...However, I have landed in another big society (asian) where you have to be petite, blonde, and fair. Therefore, I feel i am again among people whose concept of beauty is so different from me.

Have I improved from the time I was at school? Defo. I am feeling more empowered, more mature, more define. I am completely confident, I am not there yet.

Do I think

(sorry incomplete ideas)...... more defined as a person. Am I completely confident? I am not there yet. Do I think I will ever be completely happy with my body? I doubt it. However, my body does not make me the person I am but I am the way I am because of all my experiences in life.

Despite being overweight for most of my life (minor genetic inheritance and then major preponderance for indolence and good food and wine) I am body confident and have no trouble showing the flesh when appropriate in public (on the beachby the pool, not on the high street!). However I feel men are judged more harshly for being out of shape from a pure level of sexual attraction in real life. I would add that this is compared to mediaadvertising where the pressure is undoubtedly on women far more, which must leach through to affect confidence as it is so abundant. It's easier said than done, but try not to worry about it, few people improve their looks continually over time but everyone can improve their personality and behaviours.

Kudos to you psavour for sharing. But as they say, apart from polio, whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I have a port wine stain on my torso but I honestly don't think about it. It doesn't seem to matter how un body conscious I am, it doesn't make me more attractive to the opposite sex. Maybe if I was more body conscious I would do more to be beach fit (hate that ad), but I'm happy being me.

I identify with a lot of what libraman has very eloquently written. Although I'm not toweringly tall, I've always had an ectomorphic disposition, which meant that I never had to worry too much about piling on the pounds. By the same token, however, I've never been able to put on much musculature and I have "small bones" :-) If you combine that with the fact that I was always rather shy and studious as a kid, and not given much to sports and backslapping matey fun in the showers, I never really had much motivation to do a lot of exercise. I suppose I didn't really give much thought to my external appearance until my early 30s, when I happened to see a family vid of myself on a beach and was shocked. Although I was probably not significantly overweight, I'd developed that body shape that can sometimes happen to guys who are basically thin, but have comically uneven fat distribution and almost no muscle. The first thing that came to mind was a scrawny newly-hatched chicken with a bulbous belly, pigeon chest, and pathetic flapping little arms :-) It was at that point I realized that unless I started doing something about it pronto, I would slip into middle and old age in the same vein, and self-improvement would become more and more difficult.

Since then I've realized the importance of exercise for health and for feeling good about myself. I'm still cursed with that resistance to exercise I had as a youth, and I've never been a fitness fanatic. However, I've persevered at a pace that is adequate for keeping me in reasonable shape. I've always eaten fairly sparingly and have never snacked, so that has been helpful.I suppose if I have an Achilles heel, it's been the booze. I go through phases where I might lay off for a week or so, but it's been a component of life's fun for me for so long now, I suppose you could say it's as much a part of my character as my glasses are to my face: If I dispensed with it, my friends would think I was not myself :-)

I've never had much of a problem with public nakedness, except for a year or two after I realized what I looked like :-) Once I'd returned to a state I considered "reasonable", however, I didn't think twice about it. I'm not "proud of my body" - simply not particularly ashamed of it. Regularly going to hot spring baths here in Japan is very good "therapy", and I've long since lost any hang-ups about being naked in public - especially as being a foreigner here singles me out for close scrutiny :-)

However, as I get further into middle age, I *am* becoming very realistic about my wrinkles, turkey neck, cellulite and age freckles, and know that they mark me for who I truly am. But I've had such a wonderful decade or so of adventure at this game, I feel totally content and philosophical about no longer being in the bloom of youth. I'm quite happy to let the young studs parade around showing their abs if that is important to them :-)

In closing, I would say that libraman's comment : "all I can say as a man is I believe what's on the outside reflects what's inside" holds a lot of wisdom. There have been times when I've let my appearance slide to a level I considered unacceptable (being my own worst self-critic), and those times invariably coincided with periods when I think my life's balance had got out of whack. So in that respect I sometimes think that concern for one's outward appearance is not simply born out of vanity - it's more to do with it being an indicator of one's mindset and inner health, and I don't think that's such a bad thing.

The shame is that the yardsticks which people use to determine if they are the "body beautiful " are imposed by Ad Men,Marketing people and Fashion journalists who think they are the authoritive voices in these matters. Perhaps, if personality , intellect ,humour,compassion etc. were promoted as being the most important attributes in a person, it would give a more realistic picture.
To those ladies who fret about physical features which do not conform to what they are told is " ideal " ,they should pause to consider this. The most popular gallery at the Louvre in Paris,is the Rubens gallery,displaying paintings of large, ,voluptous wide bottomed nudes. These women are by no means, "model" types but evoke a true eroticsm..View Ruben's master piece " Les Baigneurs " Then tell me if it is not one of the sexiest images in the world.

With regard to my own take on the female form, I don't want to wade too far into the quagmire at this point except to say that I find "femininity" attractive. You can interpret that in any way you please, but one particular aspect of that for me is that I find "super-fit athletic" women a turn-off. It's the soft, yielding qualities of women that contrast them from men, and I find it is that contrast that is the wellspring of desire for me now in middle-life. A woman can fall within quite a range of dress sizes, but still have great proportions. It all depends on how she carries herself and the degree to which she possesses innate class. However, I admit these qualities are very subjective, and different men will have very different criteria in that respect. As I'm not an assertive uber-athlete, I'm not attracted to highly assertive uber-athlete women who feel compelled to compete with men at all levels. I don't mean that in a sexist way, as I realize that everyone is different. However, for me, the male-female dynamic has always worked best when it has been closer to the "traditional" time-honoured one.

I was a fat little comfort eating boy, I took refuse in food, away from the 4eyed and stuttering self that was laughed at, at school. I was also being abused. Later after lots of hard work... God bless speech therapists..... I controlled the stutter, my peers leantgained more understanding and I lost weight. Having discovered the joy of beer I broke my kneck and had to give up sport, but still had taste for food and beer and no means to burn it off. I hated my body. At some point I stopped worrying about how I looked. Had a neutral body image. I look at old photos and depending on when they were taken, say God how fat, or, actually you were quite good looking. Today still dysmorphic, but realise that there are a hell of a lot of great people out there that don't get a chance because of this issue. Lots of lovely people who don't realise that most people don't care past the first conversation. For the record EG you are gorgeous.