Ministry of Luv2: Parlour 101

A hybrid of Nineteen Eighty Four (Orwell) and The Spider and the Fly (Howitt) with a slight sprinkling of The Rolling Stones brought to you by yours truly x

You can tell I've eaten too much chocolate ...

I don't have any phobias (as such), but my worst nightmares would include:

White stilettos
Strawberry flavoured foods
Being late for appointments in my diary (obsessive compulsive)

MsG, what about men who just refuse to say 'Yes"?

"How do you get spiders, avocados and coat hangers all tangled together?"
The possibilities are endless with a little bit of creativity :-)


SueChris, I take it you're not banishing that little memory involving your work colleague to the vault then?


Porky ... You want to banish your knob to the vault? That should please Ronald.

I'm adding:

The need to mutilate my legs with a ladyshave
yes, I know it's a 'need' not a 'thing'. My vault; my rules

My favourite jeans that have shrunk (that's my story and I'm sticking to it)

Petrol stations that have mini markets attached to them so people can fill up with fuel then bugger off without moving their car away from the pump to do a week's shopping just to piss off the person waiting in their car behind them (usually me).

Cellulite ... Hell yeah!

Please can we put all parking wardens in your vault, especially the one that gave me a ticket for being five mins late getting back to my car even when the car park was almost empty GRrrrrr.....

I am with MissG on adding men from here that don't take NO as an answer.

Don't get me started.... You know what happened on Skebbie's blog about clothing dislikes ;)

Oh go on Joe you know you want to :-p

Did somebody say handcuffs? Something I would never send to the vault ... if I had any of course ;-)


I think there's room for all the traffic wardens we can find. The bonus is, most of them are men who have already been sent there by Ronald so we save on space.
Note to self: have them beat with a flippin' big stick before throwing away the key.

There's the fans of Justin Bieber who whine for autographs.
I've got them on the list,I've got them on the list !
And people who have flabby hands and irritating laughs.They're also on the list,they're also on the list !
And children with computer skills whose knowledge leaves you flat.
And persons who when shaking hands ,Hmmm shake hands with you like that.( Ooo! Hello sailor )
And all third persons who on spoiling private chats insist.
They'd none of them be missed,they'd none of them be missed !
There's the over-acting actor with elasticated face and the lady pianist.I've got them on the list !
And the conductor of the chorus who is prone to lose his place. He never would be missed... he's usually Brahms and Liszt!
And muggers,buggers,rugger players ,australians of all kinds,
And football stars who dive around and fall on their behinds.
And ladies on the roundabouts whose profession is obscure.
I think they're traffic wardens,but I'm not entirely sure !
And that singular anomaly, the " Grey Shades " novelist.
They'll none of them be missed,they'll none of them be missed !

RedBaron, that is excellent. Thank you!!


I'm wondering if Joe will try to top that :-)
(only kidding Joe)

Dear Luv2Suc ( whom God preserve ),you don't give the dimensions of your Room101 but assuming it's at least the size of Wembley Stadium ,here are a couple of dozen things I'd like to dispense with.
1. Anything that makes it difficult for left-handed people to write on.
2.Pork
3.Alan Titchmarsh.
4.People who expect me to pick up their toys when they throw them out of the pram.
5.Brown envelopes with " Inland Revenue" printed on them.
6.The irritating robot in the Confused Dot Com. adverts.
7.The sweater that my aunt knitted for me.
8.Cans that don't have ring pulls.
9.The cast of East Enders.
10.Country and Western music.
11.Pythagorus.
12.Cheap and nasty tea bags.
13.Daphne from Eggheads.
14. Paper tablecloths.
15.Jehovah's Witnesses.
16.Any Wagner composition.
17. The Grim Reaper.
18.Urinals that are too high so that one has to describe a rainbow arch when peeing ( and I'm six feet tall! )
19.Ugly,loud German women with excessively hairy armpits ( and other things )who monopolise our rather beautiful naturist beach
20.Nylon bed sheets.
21.Snakes
22.Harriet Harman and E£d Balls.
23.The Sun ( newspsper )
24. And last but not least, ....myself of course !

Two margarines on the go, it's a nightmare scenario. ..

To go into 101 though...

snakes, all of them. Just wrong.
Getting up early to goto work
airports
climate change 'science'
helicopters
vehicles without a turbo
short arsed Russian megalomaniacs

More to follow from Rigg the Philosopher but for now we must take care not to confuse the Parlour 101 with the other important question of the day which is "who would you choose if you absolutely had to fill a mass grave?"

I see many of Fetch's candidates being asked to take a right turn at the 101 entrance thereby making much more room in the -er - room.

And helicopters?? How could you Zook?. I have yet to meet a helicopter I didn't like.

Helicopters are just wrong and contravene most of God's laws!

sticking several thousand horsepower through a little gearbox and hoping for the best...I'll be hiding in the bunker!

Tools of the trade you say?
... is suddenly fighting the urge to dial 999 ;-)

Fetch, you know I find mathematical equations sexy, especially Pythagoras. All those triangles ... pwoarrr!


Slice of Pi anyone?

Top tips.......

Top tips.......

everything automatic, i'm a hands on kind a guy

Wilf, me sin(ful)? You'd better believe it :-)
Maths isn't just for solving problems, it really can be sexy.
When maths is hard, you need to find the right angle, add a nipple or two then multiply an orgasm.


One Easter egg plus one greedy me equals oversized guilty conscience. I want to banish left over Easter eggs to the vault. NOW before I eat another.

Fancy having a parlour named after part of my username...

101 Fancy that!
I should banish you to my Parlour 101, lock you in a box and only let you out on very special occasions. Not because you are my worst nightmare, but simply because I'm an evil bitch and it would amuse me ... mwahahaha
xx

What if he doesn't want to be freed? He may like it in my box? BBW you really should show a little more caution about who you are waving your handcuffs at. You may get more than you bargained for and end up in my box, locked in Parlour 101 ,wearing a ball gag and gimp mask.

MGN I'll accept jellywobblers have their place when the alternative is worse...doesn't make them right though!

Parlour 101 is starting to sound like it's got Zed and Marcellus Walace in it...

ism's!

Racism (bigotry),
Fascism (bigotry),
Capitalism (greedy bastards),
Nepotism (abusers of privilege),
Parochialism (misguided fools),
Magnetism (the devils work),
Prism (geometric shapes what use are they in a multicultural modern society),

Just kidding Justin Bieber, the entire cast and production staff of eastenders and Russell Brand, twat!

Oh yeah and coatists, Gill beware!

Not sure Luv2 thought about this before posting this blog. The reality of Parlour 101 is that I don't think you could make a big enough vault, it would have to be as big as a......world.

Ok maybe not that big but as big as Australia, didn't someone try that once before?

Regards

Gerry Meldrew.

Zook, that's one of my all-time favourite films.
Ah ... once again reminded of friends passed. Whatever happened to Jonnealas?


Wilf, I have a lovely mask waiting for you too. I guarantee it will match your leather jacket. You wouldn't mind wearing it for me would you?


Gerry, it's massive ... huge .. . flippin' ginormous I'm tellin' ya! (you've heard that before, I bet). Parlour 101 will be a lot like Mary Poppin's bag, but without the handles. Just keep shoving more stuff in. You'll be pleased to hear that there will be plenty of room for all of you.


StarGirl, be my guest ... you'll find it practically perfect in every way and you'll have fun retrieving the key from it's hiding place.
Word to the wise: Don't make eye contact with Wilf or he'll try to persuade you to show him your nipples. Keep them well-covered.

Hmm i havn't seen your nipples MissG (Yet)lol. Although i havn't peeked at many pics at all lately ;-)

Miss Goodnight. Only the site ? You seriously under -rate my connections with the National press and TV !
xxxxxxximg src="imagesadultemoticons022.gif"
Sunshine Girl. you are welcome to look at my nipples but they're very boring when contrasted to Miss Goodnights.img src="imagesadultemoticons021.gif"