Guys and new puppies

8:25 pm Saturday, 8^th March, 2014

I have a new puppy called Montague. The trouble with Monty is that he doesn't know when to stop. If I give him an inch, he takes a mile; if I glance at him affectionately he nudges my hand, drools on my skirt and gets intimate with my leg. That's because he's a dog and dogs aren't good with boundaries. It's only a fear of being told off that stops him from pissing on the carpet, raiding the biscuit tin, messing up the bathroom for loo roll or trying to hump anything that looks cute and cuddly.

Like guys really ... don't you think?

To live with puppies you have to have firm rules. They like (need) to live in a binary world where good behaviour is rewarded and bad behaviour punished. For this reason, I tell Monty that he is a "naughty boy" or a "good boy" and give him a treat when well deserved.

Like guys really ... don't you think?

This reward based, positive behaviour theory works well most of the time although to be fair, Monty is usually too busy licking his own privates to care less about it.

Like guys really ... don't you think?

When visitors come to the house, I try to explain our positive training methods, but it's not always noted. Yesterday, despite being appraised of the 'puppy-in-training rules' that clearly state "the feeding of puppy is strictly forbidden", my friend gave Monty a biscuit in return for the profit of cuddle on her knee. Not only that, against my better judgement, I watched while she fed him from her fingers. FFS!! I couldn't have damned him more if I'd given him crystal meth and set him up with a dealer.

Low and behold, this morning he gave in to his primal urges and craned his neck across my lap to snatch a bite of my toast. I shall remember this next time I'm tempted to flout my own canine commandments. Puppies need their boundaries. As long as you keep them on a tight leash, they behave in a civilized manner, but as soon as you relax on those darn rules they revert to their feral ways.

Like guys really ... don't you think?

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	11:10 pm Wednesday, 12^th March, 2014 Luv2sucU "As puppies get older and more mature. The cute factor diminishes and they become more of an annoyance. Like guys really ... don't you think? I must disagree with you there. I quite like an older (well, slightly older) man. Hmm ... I'm thinking Justin Timberlake, oh no he's younger. Ryan Reynolds, oops younger. Ok, Ian Somerhalder .. nope, he's defo younger. Ok, I'll settle for Alexander Skarsgård. He's only slightly younger. He will definitely do.
	5:25 am Thursday, 13^th March, 2014 Luv2sucU Shyboy, just knowing about the existence of the Urban Dictionary buys you some street cred. Sassy, "Serves you right for having a young pup and not a well trained old dog" So right, but even an older dog reaches a certain age when they just refuse to grow up. Like most men, but isn't that why we luv'em so much :-) Ronald, you forgot to mention your bone!! Or have you forgotten where you last buried it ;-)
	6:13 am Thursday, 13^th March, 2014 Luv2sucU Shy boy, you've pulled. Grab your coat ;-)
	6:39 am Thursday, 13^th March, 2014 Fetch1 I prefer dogs to many people I've met over the years and have shed more tears when a trusted canine friend has died than I ever did for some humans. Luv2suc, in the words of a Carl Perkins lyric " Let me be your little dog till your big dog comes ". Got to go now.Someone's coming and if they find me on the sofa I'll be in big trouble. xx
	7:30 am Thursday, 13^th March, 2014 rigger101uk I have two terriers Both bitches............
	9:05 am Thursday, 13^th March, 2014 Luv2sucU Rigger: Wow ... 2 bitches! You really are a gluten for punishment and you must have your hands full with them. Hope you treat them well. You know, they say you can tell how big your soul (not to be confused with sole) is by how well you treat your bitches ;-)
	9:14 am Thursday, 13^th March, 2014 Skebbie I always had an aversion to authority, and chose to do the opposite of what people told me, so if I'd been your puppy I'd probably have had an ASBO slapped on me or been put down :-)
	9:19 am Thursday, 13^th March, 2014 Luv2sucU Oh and I haven't forgotten the rest of you pups. I'll sort you out when I get home. Woof! Grrrrr ..... down boy!
	1:12 pm Thursday, 13^th March, 2014 Luv2sucU DP, put that cushion down you naughty dog!! Shyboy, "shall I bring my collar and lead too?" No need, I have one waiting ;-) img src="imagesadultemoticons012.gif"
	6:32 pm Thursday, 13^th March, 2014 Luv2sucU Skebbie, ".., so if I'd been your puppy I'd probably have had an ASBO slapped on me or been put down." Of course, that would be the last resort. In an attempt to improve your behaviour, I would probably try castration first ;-)
	6:37 pm Thursday, 13^th March, 2014 Luv2sucU MsG, "Always remember if you train a pup well they can give you endless hours of amusement, affection, loyalty and fun, they will obey your every command .... but their instinct is still to hump!!" You could apply that to Gimp training too. ;-) I think Shyboy would make a superb candidate as your Gimp in training. He's already looking for his mistress.
	9:08 pm Thursday, 13^th March, 2014 rigger101uk The riggerterriers and I are more of a team actually - we enjoy each others company greatly and have a heck of a lot of fun. Sometimes things get a bit lively, especially if rabbits are involved they can be a scheming pair too, cooking up all sorts of little surprises. But generally speaking we all get along beautifully and to be honest my life would be much diminished if we didn't have a bit of a run around once in a while.
	4:43 am Friday, 14^th March, 2014 Luv2sucU And I've just snorted my morning cuppa down my nose reading this ... It made me giggle. An update ..... Got home from work last night. Kicked off high heels and looked around for my slippers. Hmm ... where could they be? Eventually found one of them under the table in the dining room then set about looking for the other. Found it in the kitchen, slid my foot in ..... eeeeeewwwww!!! What on earth?!!! Seems Monty has a foot fetish.
	6:14 am Friday, 14^th March, 2014 Fetch1 My dog was sitting playing the piano one day.Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata it was.A friend came in and listened to his recital.When the dog had finished my friend said " That was absolutely fantastic ! You ought to get that dog orchestrated " Before I knew it, the dog had leapt from the piano stool and shot out of the door,yelping wildly.....I never saw that dog again !
	7:07 pm Friday, 14^th March, 2014 fairgame72 G: It would be a constant giggle, but with a biting power of about 4,500 newtons (four times that of a pitbull) I think I'd settle for a cocker. Dogs are always protective of their bone and keen to bury it somewhere that's forbidden. Like guys really ... don't you think?
	7:42 am Saturday, 15^th March, 2014 Luv2sucU Wanted: Loving home for puppy. Not quite potty trained, doesn't eat much, hairy little bugger, a history of chewing iPad charger cables and shoes. Loves cuddles. Apply within Tom, a laugh is just about all I'm good for right now (bad hair day). I look like one of Graham's hyenas. Fairgame!!!! Where have you been? mwah x
	8:50 am Saturday, 15^th March, 2014 fairgame72 Luv2: Cryogenic hibernation. Allowed out briefly every couple of months. Been focused on canine urges and trying to bury my bone (when I can find it) :-)

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Luv2sucU

Finger lickin' good and we're luvin' it ...