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I just find men to be confusing

6:11 pm Saturday, 24th August, 2013

So, you are simple creatures, you say...and for the most part I tend to agree. Men are, I find for the most part, pretty straightforward and uncomplicated (women often scare me).

But then come the ones who aren't. The one who pursued me for several weeks, chatted constantly, we met and he said he'd definitely love to meet again: and then disappeared off the face of the earth. The one who chatted forever, says he's still interested, but won't commit to meeting again. The one who met regularly forever, then suddenly isn't sure.

IS IT ME??? Is it just that I tend to be attracted most to the ones who aren't "available" for me? Am I so ugly and scary that no one wants to meet with me again??? I am getting a complex here.

For the longest time, everything seemed to be going well. I chatted, I met, I had a great time. Then this slippery slope of self doubt crept in.

I wonder if I am asking for too much? An experience last spring made me reconsider what I'm looking for and what I want to get from here. I want friends to have fun with. I don't want to meet once with someone who just said hi this afternoon.

Am I just finding the wrong ones?

IS there something wrong with me??? I've chatted with SO MANY great guys on here, why is it that the ones that make me want more just have no problem dropping me like a worn out sock?

Damn, I don't want to focus on negativity here, but that's where I'm at.



Comments
10:19 pm Saturday, 24th August, 2013

Right. Answering the questions in the order posed to the best of my (limited) ability:

No
Probably
Unlikely
Possibly
Definitely
Nope
Because they like themselves too much.

Mmmm. On reflection I am not sure that was very helpful.

Anyway ma'am, take it from me the types you seek are out there, it will just take a while for them to surface. It will be worth the effort though.

10:35 am Sunday, 25th August, 2013

guess i'm one of them guys that all talk,no pants , always found the translation from fantasy to reality difficult to bridge. being adversely shy don't help lol , keep on living the dream

11:20 am Sunday, 25th August, 2013

Naturally, of course, I am the perfect man (lol). Seriously, though, I would say that my approach to this game is more cerebral than physical - at least in the initial stages. Also I have the patience of Job combined with an ultra-cautious mentality. I need to assure myself that whoever I'm in contact with is on my wavelength in terms of expectations, neediness, and intelligence. Therefore I tend to supply a lot of information and I expect the same in return. I never make promises and I don't have undue expectations: I prefer a mutual framework to take shape, and if at some stage my correspondent spots some area of incompatibility and backs off, then I respect that. Likewise with me. It's better if these things become apparent before meeting, because if they emerge *after* the deed is done, then it leaves a bad taste in the mouth.

I tend to "woo" at a snail's pace that many women would probably find soporific. If they are wanting declarations of undying love, or claims that I'd swim an ocean just to be in their arms (all purely through internet correspondence....lol) then they'll be sorely disappointed :-) If men make such claims, I can only assume that they are either total charlatans or are going through some sort of middle-age mental crisis, and should therefore be avoided.

Yes it's true I'm here for sex, but sex with someone I admire and respect, and not just some "hole". The dating game is a holistic experience for me, and unless all the elements come together, I find it all rather empty.

4:31 am Monday, 26th August, 2013

Skebbie middle-age men going through some sort of mental crisis should therefore be avoided. The trick is to detect them before it becomes too late. If only there was some kind of test.

9:45 am Monday, 26th August, 2013

Thanks all....I so appreciate hearing all these comments.

I have to add, for the record, that I have mostly met wonderful, wonderful people here. I need to focus on the good and go from there, instead of letting the negative get me down.

10:27 am Monday, 26th August, 2013

Aphrodite. That was clearly a " cris de coeur " and I was sorry to read that you feel so sad about things.
I would not discard you like an old sock ( having suffered a similar fate ). I wouldn't be beyond sliding your stockings down your legs though ! xxxxx

10:42 am Monday, 26th August, 2013

EG, I don’t find men confusing. I’m not sure they are complicated enough to be confusing; simple creatures really.

Similar to GirlDownUnder, I have found that most guys talk in a very clear factual way; Me Tarzan you Jane. For them, words are just tools of communication (and guys love their tools), used without much pleasure for the benefit of them reaching their specific goal.

They want something, they ask for it. They like something, they compliment it. They dislike something, they criticise it. Very practical... and yes, very, very simple. A great attribute to have if in the boardroom but not so great in a relationship.

As a result of their simple nature, they don’t fully appreciate that us girls regularly dissect conversations and extract information that has completely flown over their heads. We tend to read between the lines and are often accused of being complicated, analytical and too deep. They just like their beer and want us to like (or love) them, belly laugh at their jokes and have sex with them at the drop of a hat.
See, simple! Not confusing at all :-)

11:40 am Monday, 26th August, 2013

Luv2: Well contrary to popular belief, this particular man positively savours the use of langauge. In fact so much so that by the time I'm put my point across, my female correspondent has either fallen asleep or run off with Tarzan :-)

8:10 pm Thursday, 29th August, 2013

FA, "I'm not sure it has much practical application other than in i) getting a girl and ii) leaving her before she leaves you ... "

I think uou must be confusing it with chloroform ;-)

11:25 pm Thursday, 29th August, 2013

joanne: You'd be surprised just how long my explanations can sometimes take :-)

6:05 pm Saturday, 31st August, 2013

Eroticgoddess it works both ways. I have met a few very nice ladies off here and had a great time with the promise of more meets to come a couple of them stayed with me for a week and it was amazing. Even afterwards there were texts and e-mails and talk of love etc which at the time made me feel very special indeed especially with my break up etc. Then poof everything stopped no more messages or e-mails and removed from friends list etc etc. Very odd tbh.

Guys as well. One was really up for a meet explaining just how much fun we were going to have. I took a day of work and sent a message the day before making sure all was well and the meet would be going ahead. Nothing! No replies at all and then poof vanished once again. I am convinced this guy was just getting his jollies off the idea of meeting up and never had any intention of going ahead with it.

I know on a site such as this things can happen at the last minute but a simple message saying “not going to make it” would mean that I could have made other plans instead of sitting in the house waiting and wondering. Now I take a much more cautious approach though I am not sure if it is a help or a hindrance however it does make the “what ifs” a little more difficult because its no fun when your trust levels take a battering.

10:49 pm Wednesday, 30th October, 2013

It makes it harder for us genuine men. I guess that's why I don't get much contact. I'm still to have a meet up yet. All I want is just a message to say no sorry your not what I'mwere looking for. I think I will have to write to Santa to get a real ladycouple to talk too.

12:06 pm Thursday, 31st October, 2013

Girldownunder but I add my details to contact me in myessages.

It's all good think I will pay up soon.

12:28 pm Thursday, 31st October, 2013

Not looking for a "happily ever after" thing. Just someone normal and decent, who doesn't disappear at the drop of a hat.

1:15 pm Thursday, 31st October, 2013

At the risk of getting bashed, lol..
I think there are people on here, and to be fair, both male and female, that are addicted to the chase, but take that one step further, I have known someone off site years ago that was the same, these people deliberatly pursue others to the point of making them fall in love with them, or at least have feelings for them, once this happens, the chase is over, they then lose interest and move on to the next, I really don't get it, but know it happens

7:47 pm Thursday, 31st October, 2013

That all depends

9:57 am Friday, 1st November, 2013

one of the best thought provoking poems ever:-

"I, We."
(Muhammad Ali)

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