Conflicted: somewhere in the middle of a twisted rabbit hole
I don’t even know where to begin. I feel like I’m having an identity crisis. First off, I’m Cassie. I’m 26 and don’t really know who I am anymore. Every preconceived notion I have ever had about relationships has crumbled down. Every thought or feeling I have ever had that seems ‘taboo’ or ‘against the rules’, that I have pushed down is rising to the surface and is near exploding. It makes me feel guilty. So very guilty, but I can’t stop it.I’m currently in a 6yr relationship, and a part of me loves him, but something is missing. I feel like I’m not giving him all of me. Things have always been rocky, and I think it’s now me with the problem. Our sex life has always been mediocre, and I was always told it’s not just about sex. But it’s starting to affect me, hence the reason I’m on here I guess…I have fantasies that he has told me he won’t help come to life, and I respect that. There is nothing wrong with that, but I’m struggling to be 100% okay with it.He has problems with me exploring my sexual side with anyone but him, but even when I tell him what I need, it doesn’t seem to sink in. I’m more then curious at this stage, and I have no idea what to do. I am a submissive, 100%, no questions asked submissive, and I feel like I’m not being true to myself when I’m home because I don’t get to be more open about it. My job requires me to be in charge, and I struggle with that daily at the moment. I’m good at my job, but I feel like I’m so conflicted with everything else going on that I just don’t have a moment of clarity.Does anyone else feel like this? Am I wrong to feel like this? I just need to know this is normal and that there is somewhere to land at the bottom of this dark rabbit hole.
