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To Swing or Not to Swing - Overcoming the Green-Eyed Monster

Jealousy is an obvious issue that you and your partner need to address before you even begin swinging. Not dealing with this potential problem beforehand will certainly come back to bite you in the rear - and not in a fun way! If you are the incredibly jealous sort (particularly about sexual infidelity), swinging might not be your bag and you should not feel ashamed or upset that you become jealous about the emotional and sexual ties to your spouse or committed partner.

Almost everyone feels jealousy on some level, and those who are prone to jealousy need to stick to a monogamous relationship. In fact, monogamy (as long as affairs are excluded) is made to reduce or even get rid of jealousy since you will have complete and total access to the sexual and emotional aspects of your partner. On the other hand, if you have such a deep trust with your partner that you are above jealousy and desire to enhance your sexual experiences with each other by including additional partners, you might want to look into swinging.

While many people are turned on by the thought of imagining their partner having sex with someone else, the actual act of seeing it happen can turn people off. Even for those who have decided to take up swinging, the first time you see your partner with another it can be a little jarring despite the fact that you might not be “jealous” in your own terms. The best way to adjust to these early stages of swinging is to take things slowly.

Lay down ground rules with your partner that you both can agree on and stick to them. It is very common for couples to begin with “soft swinging” (where the actual intercourse is kept strictly with your partner while other actions happen with others) and then possibly work up to fully open swinging. Still, many couples find that soft swinging works best for them and choose not to upgrade. Do not be afraid to back things down if you start to feel uncomfortable or extremely jealous.

Another key element of swinging is to talk about your jealousy if you have it. Grinning and bearing it is NOT a good way to handle things. Stuffing it down is yet another bad idea. Successful swinging is built on the concepts of trust and confidence in your committed relationship. This isn’t to say that you do not have trust or confidence if you feel jealous about your partner being with someone else. It just means that if you feel that you and your partner could benefit from the experience of swinging you need to make sure the trust and confidence is already there. If you think that swinging isn’t your scene, just enjoy the trust and confidence you have and be happy in knowing not all relationships are like yours.

It does help to still set up boundaries no matter what level of swinging you happen to be at. Being intimate with your committed partner is still a special experience and is one to be savoured. Having boundaries with those you choose to swing with will help keep things intimate with you and your partner so that the natural jealousy you feel will be sated with the knowledge that you still have special access to your partner.

Happy swinging :-)


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My bf doesn't know I'm this naughty. I don't tend to get jealous anymore. Having said that I'd only be happy if we were both getting extra...

There's not much point in being on the swinging scene if you're going to get jealous - unless your partner is happy for you to have all the fun whilst they watch/join in (I know there's probably plenty like this).

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We have always done it with the gf & her mate