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Adult Sex Dating Sites What do YOU think?

4:08 pm Saturday, 22nd October, 2016

Having been a long-standing member of the adult dating site community. I have seen it go through so many changes.
Unfortunately many of them are rather more negative than positive

Way back when I first started chatting you could often find platforms that were still well within the remit of the well known internet service Providers remit.

Unfortunately this site’s rules will not allow me to mention any of them (even in context) But one of them starts with the letter M and then an S followed by M again. America Oh Ell was another, and of course we all the one called \/ who 00 don't we.

and Then we started to see a gradual increase in the amount of dedicated sites, such as Adult Friend Finder, Local Swingers, as well as quite a few others besides. Initially this was a really good thing in my opinion, and the good times rolled in earnest.
It was very much like going to a dance hall back then, if you didn't want to dance you didn't go! With adult dating sites is was very much the same. If you didn't want to find someone to play with you didn't join.
This was positive thing in that you pretty much knew that whoever was out there was genuinely interested, and it only remained to find the ones you truly shared a common chemistry with, and of course, similar sexual desires.
I might add that this was not always so easy to discover than it sounds!

Sadly, few of these strictly adult community service sites, as I would like to call them, still exist; where the emphasis on catering for the needs of its particular community was intrinsically important. If they do still exist then, they have surely been remodelled out of all recognition in respect of their former selves.
One need only take a brief analysis of this particular site’s developments to know what I am talking about here!

Mark my words when I tell you; today they do not cater for the community they are supposed to serve, far from it. Actually, they don't give a damn about you, or anybody else out there for that matter. How can they? Their purpose today is entirely singular. …..COMMERCE!
Indeed It is perhaps not surprising that by 2007 the dating industry itself became the second highest on-line industry for paid content on the planet.
Would anyone like to hazard a guess as to which one took first place?

So what is it we are all after these days. Have our requirements changed? Are there too many fake and misleading profiles out there? Are we more savvy? Have sites like these been over-run by money makers,? or do we simply accept the motion that throwing good money after bad is a valid reason to continue funding them?
And, again; do you feel that perhaps it is due to the shear volume of marketing, that some of the loneliest of humans both male and female, as well as even the saddest of creatures are often to be seen frequently wandering the halls of our once beloved Ethernet home?
One thing is for certain: The tenacity we human beings display in our attempts to seek each other out is truly inspiring. So much so in fact, that we might use any and all tools available to us out there to achieve such goals. Personally I believe that It is precisely for this one reason that the on-line dating industry has been so successful.

And Finally
If you feel you would like to respond to this blog, than might I ask you to comment on what you think has improved since day one so to speak, and what might you find particularly unsavoury?
What are the three things you would change about the way these sites are run if you were able to?



Comments
4:15 pm Saturday, 22nd October, 2016

Im not sure if everything I wrote in this blog has been allowed by the site. It seems they can be quite paranoid about any phrase, part word or choice of characters that might even remotely resemble a marketing ploy. I do understand that it would be abused if they just let anything through But for God's sake! what about Context Stupid Mother fcukers

5:53 am Monday, 24th October, 2016

The people running this site are taking the Mickey... They include thousands of bots ... They don't even do it cleverly as they all use the same wording:
I am close by
If our profile interests you...

2:46 pm Monday, 24th October, 2016

MrCrisp: Oddly I'd been meaning to blog about something similar recently: along the lines of "Adult dating: a 10-year retrospective". I'm really interested in sexual memes, fashions and zeitgeist. At the moment I'm busy but will definitely get back to this......

6:52 pm Monday, 24th October, 2016

ANGELICI :
I totally agree with your comments and you are right ...the smaller more dedicated sites are indeed way more about its members than commerce. Fab guys and cottaging to name but a couple of them. Also, ...the main reason I still come here is because this site is probably one of the better ones. I think its right to ask however, whether or not too many have left the site due to recent changes or not. Old friends Yes ...I've been here for serveral years too so I absolutely get that too hun.
Thanks for the constructive comments

Jamie xx

10:58 pm Monday, 24th October, 2016

I'm new to the site, having only been here a few months and I think I have been approached by every type of scam I could imagine. All trying to be friendly, asking where you live etc etc and try getting money either to pay for a hotel, or to sign up to another site
Then there are the ones with the same text which I can only assume are paid people male or female to become friendly so you renew your subscription
I am begging to wonder if there actually are real woman here? I'm sure there are but I can't find one
Maybe it's me and my looksprofilemessagespictures but I would love to know where the real women are

Thanks for writing the post and everyone who has added their view

I wish the people being paid to keep me interested in the site would offer real advise on how I can find real woman and help me show then what they want to see

9:23 pm Tuesday, 25th October, 2016

Easily the best blog subject for an age Mr C and I can only echo your sentiments entirely. I come here only out of habit now, as well as to touch base on occasion with folks I already know. Apart from that I am of the view that it has had its day but I live in hope that things might improve. Your blog here is testament to my enduring optimism.

Imagine my surprise therefore to see a "suggestion" for a connection on a well known corporate non-swinging networking type site (imagine your link being in...) in the form of someone that I met swinging a number of years ago whist that person was having a bit of an adventure on the wild side. They may still be doing so for all I know but the point was and is that in professional terms there is no common ground twixt the two of us, yet there that person was. And presumably a "connection suggestion" was and is winging their way...

So maybe t'internet will do all of this for us and quite by magic we will find ourselves bumping into like minded souls without even trying.

On the one hand that is an interesting outcome, but then again maybe I find it just a little creepy.....

2:07 am Wednesday, 26th October, 2016

Rigger: Same thing has happened to me too. On some occasions I have accepted the invitation, and on others not (because I suspected that we might have drifted apart mentally from the time we met in "shaggerspace" - especially when you see what's on their mind in the "real" world :-) ). I agree it's a bit disconcerting when these invitations pop up, and I often wonder about the cyber-circuitry involved.

7:06 pm Wednesday, 26th October, 2016

Dear Fellow bloggers ...Especially RIGGER - - ANGELICI - TIGGER - PLEASUREDOMDAD - and SKEBBIE but NOT to the detrement of the others who have also commented.
.
Firstly thanks for your contributions....
.
I have come to think that perhaps it is time to set up an entirely NEW site ourselves. After all, surely we the users should know best how to run a site that caters for the desires, needs and requirements we all seem to share on one level or another. So let me ask you this... What is to stop us all getting together somewhere and thrashing out the beginnings of something awesome, something attuned to our desires, and above all something that really does have the interests of its community at heart.
.
Of course this sort of venture could only really work is those involved had the dedication will power and of course financial where with all to achieve it.
.
A Bridge too far perhaps???
Well I for one would be quite willing to explore the possibilities if enough interest were shown!

10:48 am Thursday, 27th October, 2016

Back again.......
A few of the things I'm going to touch on here could well have been appended to your "cock-shots" blog, but I'm going to spill all my thoughts on the subject here to save me having to blog about it separately.

I've been using adult dating sites almost since their inception, and during that time my aims have been fairly simple and haven't changed much, i.e. finding quality connections with women who are looking for friendship, reliability and at least medium-term intermittent meets without things getting too heavy. I'm basically an old hippie who thinks that deep, sensuous, earth-moving shagging is the best thing men and women can share in this life. I'm dubious about monogamy unless it involves child-rearing, and I've done all that now so clearly I am not suited to sites ostensibly intended for people who want to "dream of building a life together". I’m a bit pagan and do believe that some men and women can feel each other’s energy better than others. Anatomy helps......but great sex needs mental synergy, so the homework I do helps me to find people who are more likely to share my mindset.

In the old days it was much more straightforward getting dates. Women who were on adult dating sites were there precisely for that reason: to get dates (!), i.e. a decent night out, some fun exchange, and some deep, squishy dessert. Now it has become much more complicated: there are voyeurs, posers, women who simply want their egos fed, and of course fakes – both site-generated and profiles that are bogus facades for all sorts of individuals, including men :-) So clearly none of the latter are going to lead to meets in the flesh as far as I’m concerned. And then – in the UK especially – there has been an explosive increase in women who want to be “dominated”. It’s as if a man has to don some kind of mental and physical exoskeleton to ludicrously exaggerate his masculinity in order to get noticed. Of course I could jump on the bandwagon and claim I had Svengali-like powers over women, but that would be misleading and besides I know I do best what I do naturally :-)For some reason there’s now a widely held consensus that an ordinary heterosexual man is incapable of delivering; some sort of sexual “arms race” seems to have developed as a result of social conditioning by the popular media.

I have been a member of this particular site for quite a while now. However, at some point I realized that it was merely a conduit through which I’d been sucked down and regurgitated into some sort of mass depository for tortured souls with whom I had little in common. It’s true I’ve had some great meets, and in fact more than my guest book would indicate, but it’s now getting harder and the scenarios more extreme (assuming that the profiles concerned are not fakes, of course…… :-)) So it’s becoming increasingly obvious that I represent a class of prospective “adult daters” who are no longer being represented on sites such as this. I don’t want to “shack up and have babies”, nor do I want to wear a gimp suit and be rogered up the arse by a 20-something fake domme. I want to be on a site populated by women who are roughly in my age group, give or take a decade either side, who don’t weigh 20 stone, and want to enjoy their sexual freedom without having to abase themselves. So yes, Mr. C, I think that we *do* need a new sort of website catering for the likes of “us”. I would hesitate in calling ourselves “the silent majority” because “the majority” just seem to want extremes and sexual polarization, or spend hours in chat sending each other monosyllabic grunts.

3:06 pm Thursday, 27th October, 2016

My Dear Skebbie,
Until this very moment I have not quite grasped the weight and gravitas of the mind-set you posses, nor the acute ability you have to express yourself with such precession. Not only that, I have to say that I found myself nodding at more or less every sentence you wrote. At some places within your response I even found myself giggling with recognition at the points therein.
.
I begin to suspect that you and I are by no means alone in our views and that, at some point, the creation of "The Right Site" may become entirely inevitable. I have spent some time pondering how this might be achieved, how such a site might select its members and who should actually be let in; for make no mistake, and influx of undesirables would render its purpose null&void. Perhaps we might speak further about this SOON!

I thoroughly enjoyed the comments relating to your idea of partnering etc, chemistry, and the perhaps completely unrealistic goals of a thoroughly monogamous connection between two souls.
In my own humble opinion, such a desire, no matter how sort after, goes well against the grain of human nature. I might even go so far as to say that such a design is purely feminine in nature as I have yet to meet a male member of the human race that would ever refuse hot sex with another women. Therefor I conclude that it i only conditioning, fear, guilt and perhaps a lack of courage that gets in the way of this occurring even more prevalently than it already does!
Thankfully testosterone levels in most men ensure a healthy provision of the former much to the dismay of the majority of ladies out there

I might add at this point that there are also quite a few females out there who find the notion of being taken by another man equally as thrilling, though in terms of percentage they are admittedly Less in number.

Thank you once again for your valued input Sir !!

4:12 pm Thursday, 27th October, 2016

MrC: The honorific is unnecessary. I'm not a "dom" : simply a straightforward guy who is allergic to bullshit. The fact I have a few rope pics on my profile merely reflects the fact I enjoy a range of interaction. I don't claim to be anything other than I am. But it's always gratifying to find like minds here, and I know there are more out there who would empathize. I just wish they would form a critical mass and add their input here.

4:21 pm Thursday, 27th October, 2016

Skebbie,
I dont quite get the honorific bit, and you shouldn't for one minute feel that I would ever address you in the belief that you wereare a Dom. Nor should you think I am behaving like some little male subbie. My comments were genuinely felt and complimentary dear fellow.
Just to be clear there is no intent to come on to you or in any way otherwise imply anything remotely sexual in my conversations with you.

10:13 pm Thursday, 27th October, 2016

I've just popped back here to see what's ocurring after a few months off...and something interesting is ar least a start!
I've been coming here on and off for a decade now and it's changed a fair bit over that time...as have we users too I suppose. It would be nice to know how many of the women in here actually breathe though!

10:16 pm Thursday, 27th October, 2016

And how come the blog comments are now going backwards? That was confusing for a while!!

3:01 am Friday, 28th October, 2016

MHW: I agree with a lot of what you say, especially the bit about garbage content rising exponentially with free memberships, and the fact that many people access these sites by smartphone these days. The latter encourages people to communicate in txt speak or to have very limited or poor communication with other members. Smartphone usage has reduced the value of such sites to little more than a cheap fairground peep-show. I'm "old school" in the sense that I like to put some thought into how I present myself, and for that I always use a PC, and I think it shows.

Like you, I have always paid money up front to be on sites like this, simply because of the fact that as a single male it's practically impossible to make any headway if you limit your site activity to within the constraints imposed on free members. However, I've found that paying through the nose does not necessarily get me the service I would want. The problem is that even fee-paying members are at the mercy of site management and policy. There is always that uncertainty about whether the profiles you are seeing, and replies you are getting, are real. Only site admin know the truth, and we have to take them at their word. Therefore, even if people are not getting the types of meets they want, it is nevertheless incumbent upon site admin to behave with integrity and provide a genuine and well-policed service. If they are doing that, then yes they do "deserve" what they are making from the enterprise, but as we all know, pay-sites have been famously found guilty of manufacturing fake profiles to keep fee-paying male members engaged, so I'm afraid my attitude is slightly less rose-tinted than yours :-)

I'm not naive. I know this is a "fuck site", as you put it. What I am saying is that what started out as a great idea for people who wanted to share sexual freedom has degenerated into a squalid mass of tortured individuals all frantically pursuing agendas that have nothing in common with why I originally joined. It's no good lumping everyone together: you need to have different strokes for different folks, i.e, dedicated websites for the various tastes and expectations out there, in the same way that Angelici has mentioned regarding the TV, TS, CD community. I am not "whining"......I am simply saying that I'm not getting the service I want, and the problem is that most sites are evolving in the same way, so even if I switch sites I'd be faced with the same situation. It's true that the local environment and culture will affect the degree of perceived success and satisfaction you get from sites like this. There is a big difference between Japan (where I am mostly) and UK in that respect. But even in Japan things have changed a lot over the last decade, and Japan is now very poorly represented on sites like this, except perhaps if you are a couple and want to attend "swinger parties for the sexual illuminati" :-) So I really do think there's a case for a rethink about adult dating sites because many people have sexual aims and ideals that are not being addressed by the existing ones.

8:30 am Friday, 28th October, 2016

Interesting observations - and I am quite taken with the chicken and egg-esq nature of comments - is it the site (or sites) or is it the expectations of the clientele (although deep down I would venture that it is a bit of both). I call it my Tesco Pesto Dilemma.

Let me explain - I once found myself in a Tesco in deepeast darkest fenland (March to be precise) where I could not find any pesto sauce. Being almost as old fashioned as Skebbie I asked. Not as simple a process as one would expect, but eventually a manager was summoned who explained that the item I required was not stocked in that particular store because no-one bought it. I resisted the urge to say that was because they did not stock it but retired from the field of culinary battlespace and settled for some other sustenance. Sometimes, it seems, small voices of reasonable reason are buried in the morass generated when an entity is so sure of itself that bumping into real opinion is a bit of a culture shock. Goodness knows we have seen some splendid examples of that in the UK at least recently.

That said I am a little cynical about taking the Cosner "if you build it they will come" (should that be altered I wonder to "cum"?). I know that there are small splinter groups of determined individuals who have set up their own little networks, but that is a closed system, whereas a more transient population brings lots of advantages.

So, like I say, I will bump along with things as they are for now, doing my best to sort the wheat from the chaff.

Oh and was it just me or did a chill run down others spines when the word "dating" was used??

12:00 pm Friday, 28th October, 2016

"did a chill run down others spines when the word "dating" was used"

It's merely a term of convenience, Rigger. I'd be happy to use some other term, but somehow "being gimped and rogered" or "being shagged by a stranger in a car park" don't seem to fit the types of situations I'm looking for. I suppose my ideal "date" would involved being serviced by oiled-up twin Shinto heavy-breasted shrine maidens, but that seems to defy being pigeon-holed :-)

5:14 am Saturday, 29th October, 2016

"there are small splinter groups of determined individuals who have set up their own little networks"

By an odd coincidence, this morning I discovered on a well known social networking site that there is a dating group specifically for lovers of Heavy Metal: "metalhead dating" :-) Maybe I should get a few fake tats and a pair of studded leather
bracelets. Some rock chicks really do it for me :-)

4:42 pm Saturday, 29th October, 2016

Hello Hunny,
Wow you put a lot of effort into writing this didn't you. I think that from woman's point of view we get a very lot of un wanted attention from men. Many speak to me as if i was cheep and easy lay. I dont like that someone can private message me without asking. yes far too many fake profile too and a lot of men who just want to fuck fuck fuck. where are the nice men who treat me like a lady?

4:49 pm Saturday, 29th October, 2016

They are up here in the mountains of Riggerland Ms Colt!!

5:23 pm Monday, 31st October, 2016

Yer Bastian1977,
Such entities are clearly attracted by the need, even addiction of (mainly men) who either seek specific attention known otherwise only to females, or the commercial interests of those wishing to scam said persons for every penny they can get out of them with the sincerely "empty promise" of sexual fulfilment!

8:55 pm Monday, 31st October, 2016

Hey is anyone up for anything, im bi and am wanting to be gangbangedimg src="imagesadultemoticons013.gif"

12:49 am Thursday, 3rd November, 2016

I've been on here for I'd say about two years now. The first year I dipped my toe in the water and had great success., it seems us single ladies are a bit like gold dust. I found quite a lot of couples to unfortunately be very pushy and as a result of this have yet to indulge. I have a kind of penpal
For want of a better word. Serious blogger, absolutely adore this gent and we have yet to meet. This year has been a disaster on all levels. Why 18 year olds and those older than my parents continue to message me I have no idea. Do people not read the profile and just look at the pics. Also Tiara has to fancy the pants off her man.... I've been called a lot of unsavoury names for this. I have no idea why. I think some people are totally dillusional. We just like pure lovely great sex, this does not make us desperate., I often get called a fake. I'm as real as can be. And your top blogger although we have yet to meet has seen many pictures of me in my normal every day life. I think this is important., fiction and fantasy should not be confused. I'm in no rush and dip in and out the site. But for me its lost its appeal. Too many people now use these sites and it truelly is like looking for a needle in a haystack. The site needs rebranding. Sort the wheat out from the chaff so to speak. A more upmarket look may find a more appealing membership 💋

1:16 am Thursday, 3rd November, 2016

Couldn't agree more, Tiara. There's a very large body of people out there whose needs are not being met by sites such as this one. Those types of people aren't looking to "hold hands and dream of building a life together", nor do they want to be "dominated, gimped, degraded, gang-banged or whipped". All they want is some sexual freedom and friendship with sane and intelliegent non-exclusive partners. If I had some nettech savvy (and sufficient time) I'd try to set up a site of my own, and it would be fun excluding all of the above. It would be a site where everyone has to pay at least something to discourage fakes and attract only those who are serious. In other words cultivate a bit of quality and class.

3:39 pm Saturday, 5th November, 2016

Correct, no one wants to see it. But as I consider my shots tasteful and some quite arty not all would agree., naked men shots are not appealing to me either, well maybe one #dixon.

6:24 pm Saturday, 5th November, 2016

HI TIARA,
I would agree with what you say, Taste is everything, especially where eroticism comes into play. I would also agree that most of your photos are indeed tastefully done. Others however, would clearly benefit from a more attuned lighting scenario, and perhaps a better eye for temptation. All in all though your comment thus far are pretty cool actually so Thank you Hunny xx

9:43 pm Saturday, 5th November, 2016

Tricky getting the photos right. I could not decide on whether to use a New Holland or John Deere on one or two of mine. I settled for the latter because I think green suits my complexion better than the blue.

12:16 am Sunday, 6th November, 2016

LOL (as they say) @ Rigger :-)

12:48 am Sunday, 6th November, 2016

Well to say they were taken with an iPhone 5 and purely for my benefit and no one else's I'm happy enough with them. There must be 40 private shots that have never seen the light of day. But Skebbie has seen them warts and all, and one day I'm sure he will be my photographer as I trust him 100%. The ones up now are for fun I wasn't aware it was a competition. LOL so to speak,

11:27 am Sunday, 6th November, 2016

A few photos now change. From my private collection. For a limited time. It's all in the lighting. So to speak. Tongue in cheek.

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