A Luv2 Fable: The Talons of Torment

very funny and from your pics you certainly dont look old come and chat xxxximg src="imagesadultemoticons014.gif"

For lots of reasons, I spent a few unhappy years asking that very question. Maybe in a former life. I pissed someone off, big style, and that was my just deserts.

Now, when I see all the lovely ladies on this site, I'm more inclined to ask "Why NOT me?"

SS, u really made me laugh there.
Macavity, one day it will be you :)

Why me moment? Definitely, on my Sweet 15th party. I was wearing my first pair of high heels. I practised so many times to be graceful and walk like I was sliding. Then you can imagine, like in comedy films the day I am supposed to come down the stairs and have the first dance with dad. I just tripped on the last steps and landed on my face with my whole family and friends watching me and I swear I heard giggles.

Gosh!!! I still remember the feeling I wanted to be swallowed by the ground...Lesson: Well, I wish to say do not wear high heels, but they r far too sexy and I like being tall img src="imagesadultemoticons024.gif"

Thank you FreeForPleasure. I hope it's soon.

LillieG, I can think of other things that seem so much bigger in the dark. Cough cough clearly not mine though.

Oh dear SS, that's worse than mine.

FFP, I feel your pain. Shoe-related incidents are a frequent thing for me ... never attractive :-)


Here's hoping Macavity has a very dark photo on his profile.
I'm off to check ... I'm so bad I sometimes shock myself.

THANK THE LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A decent blog from a cracking bird. Long may this continue. Being (as I am ) at one with nature I think you will find that said buzzard was a youngster - they are very bold and very curious. What is for certain is that they will do you no harm.

Anyway, enough of the Countryfile crap - tell me more about your new riding boots...................

I see my last comment has been taken down, excellent site guys keep up the good work!

Good to see you back Miss G

Ahh sensual you say you hadn't realised, really....really ?

Youngster or not, Riggs, it was huge and making a beeline for my eyeballs!!
As for the boots ... great for riding :-)

Gerry my old friend - good to 'read' you.
What on earth did you say to upset the blog monster? Why you, eh?

Why me indeed?? My comment thanked you for you email and said I'd penned you a very thoughtful message only to have it blocked due to my membership status. I would love to chat some time.

People need to be wary of the blog monster, try not to include content that will upset it like any form of number or certain words like adjectives, try to be as bland as possible!

I was caught out the other week there with a 'why me moment'.... I went for an early morning stroll along the beach, as it had been a lovely sunny morning so left my jacket i the car. Alas when i reached the far side of the beach the bloomin rain started to come down as though it was the coming of the end of the earth. Wouldn't have been a problem if the top i had on hadn't went see through which i didn't realise until i was almost back at the car when i looked down at myself to see why a man walking his dog was staring at me with his tongue hanging out and panting like a scrap your dog. Heck he must have thought i was entering a miss wet t-shirt competition (blushing!) Won't make that error again!!

Either you're the Tippi Hedren of the Hub Luv2 or you have to stop wearing your feather adorned mask outside. I think your Buteo buteo friend may have thought his luck was in ;-)

Lol Luv2Suc, I bet you're good when you're bad. Just uploaded photo for your benefit.

Sassy, the same happened to me. Was doing my friend a favour by driving a soft top Mazda home that he had bought as a gift for his daughter. I followed him home from the garage, which was about 30 miles away. He wanted me to drive back with the roof down so his daughter would see us pull up outside the house with it. Lovely idea, but it started pissing down and neither of us could work out how to get the roof up. We spent about half an hour like a pair of knobs trying to work it out.
By the time we got to his house, it looked like I'd driven it though a car wash with the roof down.
His daughter and her friends thought it was funny though.

Well, some similar happened to a friend....She forgot to close the windows before a car wash...img src="imagesadultemoticons026.gif"

Predictive text eh Sunshine - loving the "scrap your dog".........Anyway did you all hear the sad news? The chap who invented predictive text died suddenly recently. His funfair is on sundial.

Loving the image of Luv2 in the riding boots on her knees in the breeze...I knew training up that pet buzzard would come in handy.

Pre dick take text can get you into trouble and that's all I'm saying about that!!

As for pet buzzards ... I've never met a bird that likes me and you can't beat a cockortwo (that damned predictive text again!)

Is now having horrific visions of men on the beach wearing budgie smugglers ... Urgh!
Why is it that the men who wear them, are the ones who really shouldn't wear them?

Predictive text does have its uses if your spelling is shite, but it's rubbish for sending rude messages. It cleans up all the naughty words.

I take it Sunshine meant ' panting like a scrap YARD dog'...where on earth did that saying come from?
Boy it sure made me laugh, will have to try slip that one into a conversation as some point lol

*at some point
Not just 'naughty' words MacaV Grrr!!

Sassy, strangely enough yes. Although we did have to stop to get the roof up. Neither of us were taking too much notice when the garage gave us a demo.
Anyway, not only did I have to drive a girlie car all the way home, I had to do it soaking wet. The things you do for friends.

I've done lots of crazy things for friends ... some I'm not proud of, but most involve a fair amount of wine :-)

With thanks to Wikithingy:

Jim Croce (the chap who wrote the song Bad Bad Leroy Brown) explained the chorus reference to Leroy Brown being "meaner than a junkyard dog":


"Yeah, I spent about a year and a half driving those $29 cars, so I drove around a lot looking for a universal joint for a '57 Chevy panel truck or a transmission for a '51 Dodge. I got to know many junkyards well, and they all have those dogs in them. They all have either an axle tied around their necks or an old lawnmower to keep 'em at least slowed down a bit, so you have a decent chance of getting away from them."

Educate Inform and Entertain. That's my motto...

Just had a horrible 'why me' moment, though that moment turned into nearly a hour)
Stuck in a broken-down lift with five people including a sweaty creep with groping hands (now sporting a red hand print on his face may i add!)
Yep i'm asking 'why me' this morning img src="imagesadultemoticons009.gif"

Most of my "why me" moments involve being the bustrain passenger of choice for itinerant loonieseccentrics to sit next to, or - with my train just about to arrive - being perfectly placed in the queue at a ticket office to witness the person ahead of me negotiating an off-peak return ticket to Newton Abbott for three weeks ahead, being extremely fastidious about the locations and numbers of changes, and suddenly pulling from his wallet a deck of various concession cards.

BTW I was woefully misled by the title of this blog. It conjured up a mental image of steamy BDSM in a sort of Game of ThronesLOTR context. I suppose the blog could still be rescued by steering it in that sort of direction......(???)

I don't often disappoint ...
BUT who started Skebbie on the BDSM theme? We'll move on to tattoos and abs next - brace yourselves!

As for your BDSM fantasy moment: Too many fur rugs, open fires and far too many sex bombs sitting on walls NOT having sex for my liking.

BDSM, that reminds me better stock up on paper!

Ugh ...?

Ugh ...?

Relating to a comment I made on another blog, you possibly don't remember it, never mind.......any body else hear those crickets?

..... tumbleweed ........ tumbleweed ......... ....................................

"Boromir flinched in frantic anticipation, his sinews taut and his pectorals twitching as he strained uselessly against the leather bands that bound his wrists to the cross.....
With a piercing gaze of ancient wisdom, her mouth slightly contorted in a half-smile, Galadriel slowly opened the small, nail-studded wooden box and allowed Boromir to glimpse for a few seconds in the dim torch-lit light of the dungeon, the unmistakable outline of the Mystic Dildo of the Rohan Amazons........"

Boromir shuddered; he knew what was coming next. He had read the texts written by the ancients as a warning to all those who might stray from pure thoughts. In the depths of this dungeon, Galadriel's could see hiis dark skin revealed inked marks thought to have magic powers and to bring him luck on the battlefield. He was a ruthless warrior who gained strength and confidence from every experience in which he was forced to look fear in the face; he didn't fear death, but the Mystic Dildo of the Rohan Amazons ....

He was afraid, yet the anticipation was unbearable. He took one more glimpse at the wooden box containing his fate. He felt the familiar stir as his manhood sprang to life. He was confused. Why did this excite him so much?

"I will live through this horror. I can take my punishment."

Well it looks as though you have indeed been blog-jacked by the Mystic Dildo :-)
Perhaps we can throw this open to the floor, and then by the time the story has run its course we can get it published and split the proceeds. Gingered might be able to offer a bit of advice :-)

Bloomin heck i spluttered my half swallowed coffee (not with excitement may i add). I'm aghast that 'our' Skebbie & Luv2 have ventured down the path of erotic titillation lolol. If nothing else at least you two gave me a reason to giggle this morning :-) x

Never mind spluttering. Get writing.... 😆

Skebbie and Luv: My respect, the use of language and enticing lines can't be matched. I thought I should continue with the story but no way I can get close to your the skills and creativity on the dark side lol img src="imagesadultemoticons022.gif"

Aw c'mon FFP. It's all a bit of tongue-in-cheek fun :-) Must admit I always fancied myself as a comedy writer rather than a peddler of 3rd-grade bodice rippers, but perhaps I can find a happy medium, and I'm sure you and other Bloggies can too :-)

In Tolkien's famous work, few realize that the phrase "One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them" is, in fact, an apocryphal allusion to a little-known manuscript that describes how Galadriel was seduced by the Dark Side and driven on a quest to enslave and basely abuse all the most handsome warrior heroes from the tale: the "groupie" of Middle Earth, if you like. The "rings" were - in fact - cock rings, and all had different dimensions that fitted specific individuals like a series of Cinderella slippers. It was simply a case of finding which fitted whom. Ancient folklore from the time of the Orcine Giants had suggested that the union of a woman with the three "ring-chosen" (as they were known) would result in a white heat of orgasmic intensity that would catapult the woman into another dimension and confer on her god-like powers. I thought this basic background information would help readers understand the context of the part I have quoted above.

Never mind the literary theory, let's just get on with the smutty story. Now where were we ... ?

Chapter 3:

It moved him that for once he would have an opportunity to fill a secret desire that was more than skin deep.

Meanwhile things were not great in the dispatch department of Rohan Amazon. The caller was clearly distressed. Annie had taken the call, and now she wished that she hadn't. I mean to send something to the wrong address was one thing, but in this case the Mystic Dildo had gone completely astray, and the caller was mightily cheesed off with the whole thing.

"I am sorry Mr - what did you say your name was? Skebbie, yes, I am sorry Mr Skebbie but we have no record of where your order went to, and worse than that we do not have a replacement that we can get to you"

Annie held the telephone slightly farther from here ear and awaited the response, but only silence followed. Emboldened, she decided to continue.

"Other similar items are available that you might be interested in" she blurted out. Again, silence. This was a good sign she thought. "Did you notice when you made your order that there was a section on the web-page entitled People who looked at the Mystic Dildo also looked at .....? For instance how about the Hobbit Anal Love Beads or the Gondorian Frottager (batteries not included)?

She winced as the phone slammed down and she gently placed her own instrument back onto the cradle. Some calls, she thought, went better than others.

Pedro, the mild mannered office junior, flattened his body against the wall, just out of sight of Annie, so that he could listen carefully to her telephone conversation. He knew what it was about and if Annie had any idea that he was involved in the dispatch mix up then he was sure that she'd refuse to let him cop a feel of her arse next time he was in the post room.

He wouldn't usually be so dishonest, but Galadriel had made him promises of power, money and sex. Money and power are bonuses he thought to himself; sex, sex, sex ... it was always about the sex and if stealing that parcel for Galadriel brought him closer to losing his virginity at the age of 40, then who would blame him. It was embarrassing that he was still living at home and wanking into his sock each morning.

He didn't know what was in the parcel, but Galadriel had warned him not to open it. All he had to do was remove it from the dispatch bay, hide it in his locker until the end of his shift and then deliver it to The Dungeon, a sex club at the end of Clayton Street. He'd never been there before, but he'd heard about all the weird fuckery that goes on there.

"Fuck!", he thought to himself. "I might just get a blow job from Galadriel while I'm there."

Boromir's eyes bulged in horror as computer-generated light pixels cascaded from the Mystic Dildo - an unmistakable sign that the IT animator hadn't ballsed-up the effects, and thus signalling that his fate was sealed. Galadriel peered mockingly into his contorted and panic-stricken features, and laughed cruelly.
"Many have revered and esteemed your legendary battle skills, and have hesitated to challenge your supremacy in the mistaken belief that your tattooed marks confer invincibility. However, only I am privy to the symbols of the ancient ones, and thus I finally know the truth: The glyphs you bear on your skin do not symbolize "Mighty Warrior, Lord of Lords". They proclaim that house special foo-yung is available with fried rice or chips."
And with that, she edged the Mystic Dildo slowly towards Boromir's buttocks, which he had clenched in futile resistance......

(Fade to black.....with piercing screams)

" The Brown Windsor Soup was cold but the plates was hot and it was soon after that Lloyd George packed it in ".....Don't even bother to wonder what all that was about because I haven't got a clue either .img src="imagesadultemoticons026.gif"

Me neither :-)

Um... Luvs2? The buzzard seems to have self destructed on your avatars mask...

I lived in the country for many years. The blizzard was following you to see if you scared up anything edible. I.e. a mouse or vole.

As regards age, it's just a number. You are as old as you feel. When you stop feeling, you're old.

"Oi Gladys!" came the shout from across the yard in the area of the stables and the shout was followed by guffaws from the same area. There were many things that Galadriel despised, but of all of them (and it was quite a long list) the Four Horsemen sat at the top by a country mile.

The way he was walking must have caught their attention and to be fair his arse did hurt. The pain was matched only by the inner excitement that he felt as he continued his walk of shame across to the dispensary. The mystic dildo had been quite impressive he had to admit, even if it did need to reboot a couple of times at le momente juste. Still, teething problems he thought, and he made a mental note that Pedro would be waiting for his reward. He would of course be getting it, sex sex and probable yet more sex. the thing that Galadriel had not disclosed however that the young lad with the zest for life and a knowing mum who washed his socks was that he would most likely be on the receiving end, rather than the delivery end of any horizontal jogging. he owed the dwarves that much at least.

Meanwhile up in the tower the Princess sighed.

Soon my Prince will come she thought, deftly changing hands without breaking the rhythm of her regal handjob. Prince Rupert continued to lay back in the chair cooing and mumbling stuff about ermine and mummy and jewellery whilst the Princess did her stuff. Enough of this she thought, I want a decent shag and the sooner I get this sorted the sooner I can get down to the stables and challenge those four to another round of first one to come's a sissy. She quickly dipped her finger in the swarfega by the side of the chair and stuck it straight up Ruperts bum whilst her other hand became a blur up and down his little todger. Within seconds a thin and eminently forgettable squirt of royal jelly squirted up and landed with a plop in his belly button. He immediately started to snore through a daft grin.

The boys down in the stable loved it when the Princess popped in, and they kept some yard rope and a couple of old riding crops handy for when she did. OK so having a fiveway with the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse could hardly constitute safe sex but what the fuck she thought. At least they had firm toned buttocks (especially War who was, to be honest, a bit of an oaf but my goodness could he fuck!) and decent choppers and they knew how to give a lass a good time.

Enter the Four Ringwraithes, each mounted on a great black-backed blizzard.......

"Finally!" she thought.
As she wiped her hands on the back of the Prince's trousers, she saw the flight of the great black blizzards as they swooped past the window. "Oh look who's here" she said rather excitedly to the prince. "Interesting times ahead, but for now, I must go see the horses. You don't mind do you?" She took a swig of her wine.

The Prince knew what she was up to; she visited those stable boys at least once a week. Little did she know, but he also enjoyed the odd steamy afternoon with them himself. "Do you want some money?" He asked. "Sex with those stable boys isn't cheap you know."

The Princess choked. "My Prince! You made me spill my wine."

The Prince looked at her with a knowing grin. "Well m'dear, if you're going to visit the stable boys regularly, you'd better learn to swallow properly."

Boom, boom.....!!!! :-)

Trots on the panto horse

Macavity: On the basis of your profile pic, I thought for a sec you might be the upper half of a Centaur :-)

haha and on the basis of having just looked at your profile, I see you could be the lower half

Trots on the panto Centaur

Guys, r u just now admiting that you are checking each other? hahaha

May I have an order of your mix to take plz? img src="imagesadultemoticons021.gif"

FFP: I've never denied I look at guys' profiles for "research" purposes :-)
Macavity: I once had a bare upper torso pic for my profile "main", but I was asked to substitute it for the present one because I got too many complaints :-)

Skebbie: I hope this "research" has been fruitful. I think I will start "researching" too just for general knowldge of the market in the hub? lol

BTW, who complaint? and most importanly why?...U r such a great photographer too. They must be blind! I hope West Yorkshire is welcoming :)

FFP: If you don't mind being considered 'odd' by the recipients of your attention, random 'research' of profiles of both sexes (and couples of course) can be richly informative of the Human Condition :-)
Actually the reason I had to change my profile pic was because of the 'site rules' for such pics.

Ah site rules, the order of the blog monster, who hasn't been subjected to their administering of justice?

FFP: Will be a little while before I'm in Yorkie land, so unsure if our trips will overlap. However, if they do, it would be diverting to share tea and scones perhaps?

Returning to the original post (I've been away for a bit) did Luv2's left nipple survive her DIY wet (OK muddy) tee-shirt moment?
I am concerned (as ever).

Returning to the original post (I've been away for a bit) did Luv2's left nipple survive her DIY wet (OK muddy) tee-shirt moment?
I am concerned (as ever).

Wilf: As detailed in a concurrent blog, we are awaiting confirmation pending receipt of telemetry from the New Horizons space probe. However, some nipple-like objects do indeed seem to have been sighted.

Which concurrent blog?
Nipples? how many does the woman have?

Skibbie. I dont know about nipples but defo now as I write in Naples and I thought sone guys in the hub were.forward lol. BTW are u in the UK?

Skibbie. I dont know about nipples but defo now as I write in Naples I think guys here do not feel ashamed to look at anybody's nipplrs. And I thought some guys in the hub were forward lol. BTW are u in the UK?
*clean version

Naples eh? Had a few scuffles there.........................

Decent espresso though - amongst the best.

Dont forget the pizza rigger....lol

FFP: Not yet, but soon !

Keep taking the meds ...

This must be the most non sequitur blogjack ever.

It's like two parallel universes have inadvertently bumped into each other at the traffic lights....

It's like two parallel universes have inadvertently bumped into each other at the traffic lights....

Before we enter the twilight zone can we get back to the subject of Luv2sucu and her nipples please?

No!
img src="imagesadultemoticons012.gif"

This way to the Twilight Zone ------

Funtimes, is that you?

And apologies for the double entry bookkeeping...must have pressed the tit twice.

And apologies for the double entry bookkeeping...must have pressed the tit twice.

OMG, I have laughed so hard reading all this. Monk, I am defo not sure what you are going on about. My theory is you are either a genious like Leonardo or a madman like Caligula hahaha (I know too much Italy)img src="imagesadultemoticons011.gif"

Don't knock Caligula. He was a good guy who simply had an unorthodox approach to government. I sometimes think UK politicians could learn from him.

Not sure they have the capacity to learn.

Like Amy Winehouse, he had his demons to deal with, and was a sadly misunderstood individual. I think David Cameron should have a cabinet reshuffle, and make his horse chancellor of the exchequer. Perhaps some other members of the animal kingdom could also be suggested for other cabinet posts.

"For economic policy, consult the Meerkat"

Simples

Simples

If this comes up twice please be reassured that I have only entered it once. If that makes any sense at all. Its like there is an echo in here...

One curious phenomenon I've been aware of each time I return to UK is the preponderance of Meerkats on TV. I'm still scratching my head trying to figure out why Brits have embraced computer animated Meerkats are cuteamusingfunny. They're about as engaging as a pile of dachshund doos. Is this what they mean by "dumbing down" of the population ??

Aww that's a bit harsh Skebbie.
The Orlov family have clearly captured the hearts of millions :-)
More so than Chruchill's bulldog.

I rest my case :-)

Oh come on ... it's just a clever marketing strategy and its popularity fades into insignificance when compared to Japan's Tamagotchi. I have it on good authority that Japanese of all ages are now having e-babies and e-pets instead of the real thing and they are even holding weddings with compatible Tamagotchi.

I may get one myself if they ever design a life size male Tamagotchi that can cook, clean and has detachable parts of varying sizes :-)

" I have it on good authority that Japanese of all ages are now having e-babies and e-pets instead of the real thing "

That's why Dixon decided to move here: Japan is full of women whose husbands and boyfriends prefer virtual fantasy partners :-)

I'm sure that's because virtual fantasy sex partners don't make a series of whimpering noises like they're in pain. Seriously ... do Japanese women really have to pretend that they're not enjoying themselves or is that just porn special effects?

I've never had an interaction with a buzzard. I'm more inclined to be face to face with a local pair of Canada Geese or over-flown by our newly displaced, and very large flock of seagulls here. Either way, it often ends in a mess.

Ha fantastic!  this made me laugh.