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Is anyone really bi-curious?

7:00 pm Tuesday, 5th May, 2015

A few nights ago, after a wonderful hour or so in the TV/TS/CD chat room, I was reminded of a blog post on this site in which the writer suggests that the bi-curious label is meaningless, because one is either bi or not.

This clear separation of the two states got me wondering where I fit in. Surely, I thought, a bi-curious is simply one who knows what they like, or what arouses their curiosity, but hasn’t yet had the opportunity to experience.

Thus, bi-curious is simply a precursor to bi. As soon as a bi-curious indulges in their preferred act, they “graduate” to full bi status. Once I take part in the delicious adventures my chat room partner and I promised each other the other night, I will become bi, and can legitimately and necessarily remove the word “curious” from my Adult Hub profile.

But then it occurred to me that being bi is often taken to imply an attraction of equal strength to men and women. In my case, and I suspect in the case of many others on this site, this is clearly a false proposition. I love women. As Jerry Seinfeld would say, I am attracted to any woman possessing “many of the qualities prized by the superficial man”. On any given day I can find myself fantasizing about the women I work with, the women I pass on the street, the women in the supermarket, and so on. I can’t say the same about men. My default setting towards a woman is that of attraction – I would like to have sex with her unless there is some specific aspect of her that makes me feel otherwise. With men, however, the reverse is true – I am not attracted unless some specific quality is present – a shaven face, an arousing scent, a love of wearing lingerie.

By this definition, I will never truly be bi. So if I am not bi, and I am no longer bi-curious, what am I? In this, I find myself ultimately agreeing with the original post that the label is suprfluous. I am a man who is attracted to a great many women and to some, but not all, men. Perhaps I am try-sexual? Or flexi-sexual? Or vario-sexual. Or just plain incerti-sexual? Or should that just be inSerti-sexual?



Comments
8:18 pm Tuesday, 5th May, 2015

I don't look at it as bi or bi curious however for the purpose of this site a label tends to be a needed in order to find what u may be looking for .. If u remove the labels then what r u .. Garry prefers to describe himself as being attracted to the person not their gender I like this description over a label .. Kerry xxx

1:26 am Thursday, 7th May, 2015

Bi-curious simply means one has not decided. Even after having a sexual encounter with someone of your same gender does not mean you may be able to decide. Being bi-sexual should mean you have made some decisions as to what you want and who you are. But simply knowing that YES I do enjoy sex with either gender still does not imply that you are bi-sexual. There are other definitions that may apply, such as polysexual or pansexual. I think it requires further self examination, exploration and time. What's the hurry. If I were to meet someone of my gender who stated that they were bi-curious and I was attracted to that person, I may ask them if they would like to explore their curiosity with me. I believe that you should look for your opportunity. Be open to exploration and don't be in a hurry to attach a label. Be safe and have good sex. Regards, James

4:00 pm Thursday, 7th May, 2015

If you go from Bi-curious to having indulged sexual activity with another woman, then you go to being Bi-attracted, surely!

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