I work in London in the macho alpha male world of business, and fell into cross dressing and a desire to be sub I think as a result of this daily fight.
Being sub and sissy and just allowing someone to take TOTAL control has pushed my sexual and physical boundaries. Pain that previously scared me, in the right hands (& that is always key) just further broadened and opened up my physical and mental and emotional being. Being tied up and spanked or whipped etc (you get the picture) became a feeling of total trust in dom...trusting in their ability to know my boundaries, and how to expand them. Afterwards, with correct and loving aftercare...it was the most euphoric of states.
Yet outta the blue a sub met me...she was intrigued by CDs and we met and stuck up a friendship. Previous blogs explain how that love - real love - blossomed. Ahhhhhhhhh people!!!! But more importantly she was sub - she wanted a "daddy" who was caring and in and nurturing; but also a dom who was strict and punishing.
A first it felt like a game - bedroom role play! As I tied her up and fucked her every hole, literally until she became daddy's like fuck toy...to pleasure however I wanted. And of course that was amazing. It truly was!!!
But more importantly the dom took over...rules became central to our being; punishments central to her growth. I was never sadistic - punishments always had to be with meaning; there ALWAYS had to be a reason and a learning I help her grow. Yet as punishments could become more physical - as she learnt to enjoy and demand almost a spanking!!! My dom mind took over - as a sub I knew how I loved to be pushed to my physical annnnnd mental boundaries. As sub I loved that feeling of anticipating a beating but getting a kiss or blowjob, only for the smack to come out of nowhere.
That feeling of being both secured and blindfolded - unable to see or move, so that your senses go into overdrive. If the dom just tied me up, spanked me, abused me, used me sexually it was fun....but I left feeling empty, needing more. If the dom played with my mind anddddd my body then the euphoric sense t the end literally took me to a different level. And that is what I did with my sub. I pushed and pushed and pushed her, and I grew as a dom.
But all great things come to an end right?? She knows what she did...& she's lost daddy forever!
But in reflection it was the best thing ever to happen to me - I still desire, fuck how I desire and crave, the need to be sub. To submit fully in body and in mind. To be hurt to feel loved; to feel pain to feel ecstasy; and to feel vulnerable to feel safe.
I'm not switch as I've always considered myself sub at heart. If the situation arose (any takers!) then of course I make an amazing dom - as I've seen it from the other side. But my heart and my head and my body aches to be sub again; to be sissy and dressed and to submit obediently to your every command or desire.
